Offenders Families Are Really The Victims

This morning I found out that my family had to pay $25 this month for my brother who was convicted on 18 felony counts and is in prison. This $25 will be going to the victims assistance fund in the District of Columbia. Obviously, we will do anything in our power to help my brother, but doesn't the cycle go round and round?

You see, my brother only makes very little money per month. We send him funds every month and we also have to pay for his $25 to the victims assistance fund. Now, this is truly upsetting and is not suppose to be this way. It's like we are paying for his crime. Well, take a good look now because we will be paying for his crime for years to come. He was sentenced to 97 years in prison. I mean, the most ruthless killers have not received this much. Also, Tiffany's killer, Roderick Ridley is only charged with second-degree murder. Ridley killed Tiffany, my god-sister, in cold blood some three weeks ago as he was already on the run as a fugitive from a half-way house in Washington, D.C. Ridley stabbed Tiffany to death and probably has a chance to continue killing once he's out.

How do we end this cycle of violence and more importantly how do we as a community stop oppressing ourselves? I am in the community trying to stop violence and spread peace while at the same time my little brother has been convicted of commiting atrocities.

This is very difficult for our family to deal with, but we are definitely managing and channeling our energy to positive solutions.

So, pray and wish that our meeting with Chief Lanier and the Homicide Victims Task Force is successful. This is a great start to ensuring peace in our city, our country and our world.

I will update you and discuss further, what do we do?

Til next time.

Mysterious Happenings

Well, I meant to write this morning, but as you can imagine, after the sleep out at the court house I was on with the day. It was so busy today, but something amazing happened.

I just received a call from someone I met a long time ago. Actually, over 12 years ago. You know, since being on Oprah and in the newspaper, on the television, and on the radio, people have come out of the woodworks. These people have known me, my mother, my family and bring back so many fond memories. But, this call was so interesting.

My family went through family therapy for some 15 or more years. We are still in contact with the doctors that administered the therapy. I will not reveal their names for privacy reasons. However, our sessions were filmed. The turbulent times were captured on camera and there were several camera men and women who captured the images in their head. I am sure we gave them a show. We were out of control as children and my grandmother put up with us and sometimes did not.

A woman called me and told me, "I know you are going to think this is crazy, but I know you." When a call starts out like that, you pause. Go on. I said with enthusiasm. I was really eager what she had to say. "I used to work at Walter Reed Hospital and I also saw you on Oprah." Well, immediately I knew the connection. We were taped at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. She was one of the camerawomen. I hadn't spoken to them in 10 years. I was excited. She must have seen some interesting things. So, I asked her what did she see back then?

She said that she saw me one time out in the public so innebriated that I could not even function. I was about 18 years old. she said that I asked her not to reveal my condition to my grandmother. She never revealed it to my grandmother, but she said that she felt so guilty for not revealing it. She mentioned that I was on a downhill spiral and I was completely self-destructive and thought that that was the breaking point. I was simply floored. I just thought...to be here today and hear that account of me at 18 was simply amazing.

I had lived to hear that account, wow!

We vowed to stay in touch and believe me, there is much more to talk about. I will have to work on a release so that she can tell what she saw as I grew up on camera. My family was on camera since I was 14 - my early 20's. I even see one of the doctors right now periodically for therapy.

I will be adding her accounts to my first book. Be on the look out.

By the way, the sleep outs were a major success. We had support in England and Scotland and of course from everyone here in D.C. and throughout the United States. This movement has been so wonderful. I just keep thinking about all of the people that we are impacting in a positive way. We are going to get this registry going if it is the last thing I do on earth. We have lives to save.

I will talk to you soon. Until then, make sure that you keep your brother and sister safe. Take care.

The Escape Route from Violence

First, I believe that the escape route from violence is essentially peace. What do I mean?

The dynamics of a relationship reside within us. We are responsible how we react to situations and how we interact with others. We have to first have peace within us and then we can spread peace. That's one kind of escape route from violence, but what's another - the physical escape route?

Let's start by saying that I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have been in and out of situations that have given me an opportunity to be here today. So with that preface, here is my opinion.

When I was 10, I faced the barrel of a gun. I immediately gave up power to my perpetrator. He was in control anyway so why try to wrestle control from him. Somehow, someway, he let me go. If I had fought back, I am sure I would be dead. He had just killed my 12 years-old brother. In that room, the difference between my mother, brother and I was the way that we reacted. My mother was already the enemy. Her killer was at a point where if he could not have her noone could. But, my mother added fuel to the fire. She fought back valiantly. That's what ended her life. My brother did not say or do anything. He did not plea or fight for his life. He was seen as the enemy. I knew I had to do something differently. I knew if I was going to live, I had to try a different approach. My approach was to plea for my life. Once I pleaded with him, I then looked up to the ceiling and prayed to God. I am here today. Now, I did move the power I gave to him to God. I accepted my situation and prayed. Sometimes we have to accept the situation, but find a spiritual way out of things.

I read a story about a Jewish psychologist who instead of accepting defeat in a prison camp in Poland, he decided to conduct a study. His study focused on the difference between those who lived and died and why? He found that those who died were either killed by the Nazis or they gave up hope. The Jews who lived were either lucky or not killed, but more importantly, most of those who lived in his study, had a determination and will to live. It's that determination and will that will take you far.

At 13, I wanted to die. It was when I decided that I wanted to live in order to find my strength. There is something out there that attracts us to life. Perhaps life itself. Find that special thing in life that you can hold on to.

Thank you Tiffany for fighting for your life. Tiffany fought valiantly and I know this. My mother fought for her life. She wanted to live. Let's end this violence and give ourselves and others a chance to live. Let's spread some peace. I will see you at the sleep out tonight at the Superior Court of the District of Columbia, 500 Indiana Avenue, N.W. Washington, D.C. at 8:00 p.m.

Talk to you soon.

Preparing for the Sleep Out at the Court House

More than anything, I am excited about the sleep out at the Superior Court of the District of Columbia. This is a place where offenders are repeatedly brought to court only to be released by judges who under many circumstances miss the signs of brutal killers who will kill again. Roderick Ridley killed Tiffany after walking away from a half-way house. Ridley spent two months in jail and was released. After walking away he became a fugitive on the run from the law and that's when he struck. He killed Tiffany. He broke down her door and charged her.

Now, I wanna get a little in depth for you. The reason I want to go into a little detail because I would like to help you see the picture -- clear picture of what transpired or at least what we have been able to comprehend from reports. Ridley stabbed Tiffany over 50 times. He slit her throat from ear to ear and tried to rearrange her face. After he committed this atrocity. He then hid in a vacant basement flat/apartment. When he was confronted by officers, he tried to resist, but was tasered.

Today, at the court house, Ridley fought officers/marshals before being brought to the courtroom which delayed his case. He was not able to be brought to court. What is he hiding? What is he feeling? Why fight? What is done, is done. Tiffany is already dead. Can you believe that he is facing a 2nd degree murder charge? I mean, he could get out early or something. This is a scary thought. How many more people does he have to murder before he is evaluated, kept in prison, etc.? The system really needs an overhaul.

That's why I am totally proposing a federal/national registry to give women or any individual an option whether they want to get in a relationship with a violent offender or not. We have got to give choices to our society at-large. I know that this may be a problem for offenders getting jobs, etc., but there is a more serious problem. Families, friends and co-workers are loosing their loved ones at an alarming rate due to the violence. We must change this. Join me as I sleep out in Washington, D.C. Join me as I sleep out for the fallen victims of senseless violence.

My heart goes out to Melody Williams tonight who died in a hail of gunfire - an innocent bystander. God bless her family. My condolences. Let's really remember her tomorrow and those who have fallen to violence around the world. To those in Mumbai - my love and concern is with you tonight. Violence transcends borders. Our prayers are with you.

Talk to you soon.

Just a Few Thoughts

Here I am sitting by myself on a Sunday night just thinking heavily about the next few days. On Tuesday, we are starting the international part of this peace effort. It feels rather odd though. I am humbled by all of the attention that we are getting for this peace effort. There are so many people who feel that violence should end and they are expressing themselves. If I told you I did not feel anything right now, I would be totally lying.

Tonight, I am hurting deeply for my friend Tiffany. My dear sister. She did not deserve to die. She especially did not deserve to die the way she died. I cannot describe to you the way I feel right now because it is so deep. My world on one end has opened up, but on one end it has closed. A chapter of life where friendship and brotherhood and sisterhood were in harmony has ended. I still cannot believe that she has been killed. I know I have to come to grips with it, but it has been difficult. Rather than simply be quiet, I have totally reached out. I am reaching out for my sister, Nicky. I am reaching out for all of Tiffany's family and friends. I am reaching out for so many people who just cannot reach out. The world is hurting and I can feel it. Simple ole me. I can feel it.

So, what exactly do I feel. Well, I do have a sense of calm and peace about me. In the past, I probably would have been so angry at Roderick Ridley for killing Tiffany, but I am not. I am hopeful that he has asked for understanding. I am hopeful that he knows what he has done. I mean, he stabbed her over 50 times. I am not sure if I can appropriately explain that kind of rage. I have seen it before, but not like this. Watching my mother and brother die in front of me was certainly a sight to see, but none like what Tiffany suffered. I wonder, was she alive after those 50 wounds? When did she not feel the pain? What a sad day on earth when this kind of violence occurs.

You see, that's why I am reaching out. My heart is heavy. My heart is heavier than it has been in a long time. I thought that these kinds of feelings would never be felt again. I am in disbelief, but yet so hopeful for mankind. I am hopeful that we gain an understanding for each other that is beyond ourselves. I am hopeful that we raise ourselves up from despair and actually take the time out to love our fellow human being.

I know I may be rambling on and on, but I just had to say something tonight. I had to open up because loosing a sister and dear friend is hard. It is difficult. I have immersed myself in trying to cope with it in the most positive manner. With the kind of help that this effort has received I am more than hopeful about the outcome, the result. Now, I am not fooling myself here. There may never be the kind of outcome that we hope for, but there is something about affecting just one life that keeps me going. That one life could be another Tiffany. That one life could be another Jacqueline Kellibrew or Anthony Cephas (my mother and brother). Just think. If my mother did not die, I probably would not be here in this peace movement. I have begun to accept my purpose on earth. There is a reason that I am doing what I am doing. There is no better way to describe it to me. There is no rhyme or reason to it. I just feel the need to reach out far across the oceans and ask for somebody to please help me. I am asking somebody to help somebody because somebody is hurting.

If you are out there tonight and you feel lonely, in despair, hurting deeper than you ever have...please hold on. Hold on to what is life. Hold on to what is breath. There is a larger purpose for you on this earth and it is not always revealed, but seeking it can really help. Think of something positive in your life and hold on to it. Something has made you feel good about yourself. Something has helped you to see the strength in struggle. Believe me. I have felt like I have wanted to die before. I wanted to take my own life as a teenager and in my early twenties. My self-esteem was so bad that I just did not care about life. It took so much to dig out of that hole. There were times when I was in bed for three days at a time. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I could not do anything. I was hurting.

Today, I can sit here and type this message because this is bigger than me. Saving someone else's life is more important than anything right now. Being able to influece someone to feel better about themselves is more important to me right now. It is more important than any degree I could receive right now. It is more important than any amount of money. We have to treat each other better than this. We have to be our brother and sister's keeper. We have to care so much about someone that we can simply help them up when they have fallen.

Let's go about the next few days really considering how we move about earth. Let's affect someone positively. I cannot stress that enough tonight. Some person's soul tonight has been pierced in a negative way. Let's do everything in our power to hold on to the peace in us and then let it out by touching someone else.

Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far. Thank you so much for caring if you made this far. Leave a comment if you want. I do read them. I actually read every last one of them no matter what. I like dialogue.

God bless you tonight. If you do not believe in God, then that's okay. May all of the positive forces lead you and guide you in your deepest and darkest hour. No matter what your belief, just know that someone out there cares for you and your well-being. I love you guys. That means every human on earth. I simply love you.

The Peace Effort in Europe

I am so elated to know that my fellow colleagues/students in Sunderland, England and my family and friends in Scotland will be sleeping out for the cause. We have had considerable interest and excitement surrounding the issue of violence, especially domestic violence. This issue has gripped not only our nation, but the world.

I was reading the number of American tragedies in Iraq and the numbers are over 4000 for troops that we have lost since the war started in 2003. This violence is the kind of violence that comes into our homes and affects our families. Our soldiers are seeing some horrible things and have to bring those memories back home. For instance, my cousin Jason, died in Tikrit a couple of years ago. He was under 21 when he was blown up by a road side bomb. The military would not allow the casket to be opened during his service. The effect that this has had on our family is nothing short of devastating. We must do something differently if we expect a different result. War is not the answer. We are not defending ourselves. We are perpetuating the violence that we say we want to end. We are igniting and fueling others' agendas of violence. We must lead by example as a country with so much power. The world is watching and listening.

During our first sleep out, a young woman brought her children down to give us some chairs, soup, juices and granola bars. She did not even know who we were. That really makes me feel good about what we are doing. She took a proactive step in perpetuating peace. We need to follow this woman's footsteps. She is teaching her children the right things. Her husband is also in Iraq. While one family member is fighting to defend our freedom at home and abroad, one is spreading the message that peace is the alternative. Let's bring our troops home so that they can join the peace mission without having to be in the kind of danger they are in. I wish a happy and safe return home for all troops, including those from other countries.

As we move forward with our international peace movement, let's remember those who have fallen due to violence. Let's support those who suffer and survive today. They live to tell their stories and some have not opened up to tell their stories. Let's be strong in order to pass that strength along to them.

Good luck Sunderland and Scotland. My heart is with you and my prayers are with you. I really appreciate what you are doing and I know I could not be more thankful and my family and friends are thankful as well.

Til next time.

My First Conversation - Focus

Welcome. This is my first time blogging here and I feel this sense of accomplishment. I have blogged before, but never had my own spot. Well, here goes everything.

My name is William Kellibrew IV and I am a native Washingtonian. I live in D.C. and my family is primarily from D.C. Soon, you will be able to link to my webpage and learn more about me, but for now, you may either Yahoo! Search me or Google my name. There is definitely a lot to learn, but be careful. It is not all pretty, lol.

My first conversation tonight deals with focus. I am guilty of not being able to focus enough on the things that I need to get done. So, how do we focus? Why is it important?

Anecdote:

Tonight, I was speaking on the phone with a good friend. She mentioned that I was all over the place. She mentioned that I had many talents, but encouraged me to tell her what I really wanted to do. Of course, I was not surprised that she inserted this evaluation into my head. That's fine. I know I am not really focused at least all of the time. But, it finally clicked. I thought. This goes back to my idea about turning passion into profit. I had to ask myself quickly, what was my passion? What is my priority? So, we ironed it out and came up with a solution. Get focused. That is the only way I am going to maximise my potential. But, the big question remains. How do we focus? What makes focusing so important?

Response:

Well, taking it from someone who can loose track of space quickly, I recommend focusing when you are in the maximum time frame for focusing. If your mind works better in the morning, then get your priorities mapped out in the moving and important things tackled. If you work late at night, ensure that you have daytime naps. Avoid distractions and get back on task. Focusing on what you really want to do or simply focusing to accomplish a task is important in being efficient, if not effective. People will view your work ethic in a positive light. They will see your productive energy flow and be impressed. A lot of us are hooked on money, but do not stop to think that if we simply love what we do, then the rest will eventually come. But, do not wait on it. Continue to strengthen your focus and your focus will help you to massage your passion into profit. Focus and you will achieve.

Announcements:

Do not forget that the Victims and Survivors for Peace Sleep Outs are continuing this Tuesday with a sleep out in front of the Superior Court of the District of Columbia, 500 Indiana Avenue, N.W., Washington, D.C.

Thank you for reading today.

Cheers!