Innocence Torn Away: In Search of a Child Molester after 30 Years

Dear Friends...

As I looked at the news and saw a 29 year old Jaycee Lee Dugard rescued I could not help but share her pain. 1991, Jaycee was kidnapped at 11 years old and held captive until 29 years old. She was repetitively raped and had two children by her captor. Her family was devastated and I can only imagine what poor Jaycee was going through being pulled from everything she knew. While her story shocks me and has brought me to tears since her story aired, Jaycee's story has inspired me with vigor and determination to save children and to deal with my own situation.

When I was six years old, I was violently raped and molested by my mom's friend and neighbor. We lived in a complex named Dodge View in Landover, Maryland. I felt hopeless all of these years, but today, I feel that he should be found and stopped from ever doing this again.

Today starts my search for this man who ripped through my soul and innocence at six. I was damaged for life. "Jose" was a good friend of my mom's and befriended me. He offered to fix my bicycle and instead of first fixing my bike, he pulled down my clothes, rubbed lotion all over my body and raped me at six. I never told my mother before she died. When she died I was ten. So, whatever hope of finding him and bringing him to justice was out of the question at that time. This hopelessness has stuck with me for an eternity, until today.

I am going to work to locate him and work to make sure that he can not harm another child. I can only imagine how many other children feel prey to his coercion and manipulation in order to rip their souls away.

Where do I start? Well, I am going to start with the Prince George's County Police Department. I have contacted the Deputy Chief of Police for another reason, but I am going to add this conversation in the mix. Next, I am going to search for information on the apartment complex back then, ask for their records and try to locate this man. I have so many things to say to him.

Whether he is prosecuted or convicted, my only solace comes in him knowing how he damaged me and how he took my innocence from me and to know I just might be able to save another child.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I bled and bled that day. My dad never knew, my mom never knew and my brothers and sister never knew. I revealed this at 14. By that time, as I mentioned, mom was dead. So, I was devastated during my teenage years having to deal with this nearly alone.

If you are out there and you feel like I do; stand up for yourself. Let's put people like this where they belong. There are many children who do not speak up. We have to break the silence and bring criminals like this to justice.

Let's take a look at some statistics on child molesters. You will find this troubling, but today I have more resolve than ever. Somewhere in a small corner, a backyard, compound, dark closet, hut, dwelling, is a small child suffering a terrible fate. My heart is heavy for them and my determination has taken over.

Child Molester Statistics

This excerpt is taken from http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html, Yello Dyno, Protecting Children From Child Molestors

"The serial killer has the same personality characteristics as the sex offender against children"-Dr. Mace Knapp, Nevada State Prison Psychologist.• "There are 400,000 registered sex offenders in the United States, and an estimated 80 to 100,000 of them are missing. They're supposed to be registered, but we don't know where they are and we don't know where they're living.- Ernie Allen, President of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to co-anchor Hannah Storm on The Early Show

• The most serious and chronic offenders often show signs of antisocial behavior as early as the preschool years.- (American Psychiatric Association, 1994) (was in Juvenile Justice Bulletin: Nov 1998 OJJDP: U.S. Department of Justice)• Dr. Gene Abel estimates that between 1% and 5% of our population molest children -CNN Specials Transcript #454-Thieves of Childhood.

• Nearly all the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%).- Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement, 7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• Overall, 23% of sexual assault offenders were under 18 and 77% were adults - Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• 40% of the offenders of victims under age 6 were themselves juveniles. A similar proportion (39%) of offenders of victims ages 6 through 11 were also juveniles. For older juvenile victims, the proportion of juvenile offenders dropped to 27%.- Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

•Adults were the offender in 60% of the sexual assaults of youth under age 12. Rarely were the offenders of young victims strangers. Strangers were the offender in just 3% of sexual assaults against victims under age 6 and 5% of the sexual assault of victimization of youth ages 6 through 11.-Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• 1 in 5 violent offenders serving time in a state prison reported having victimized a child.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 2/3 of all prisoners convicted of rape or sexual assault had committed their crime against a child.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators.-Finkelhor, D. 1994.

• 89% of child sexual assault cases involve persons known to the child, such as a caretaker or family acquaintance.-Diana Russell Survey, 1978

• 29% of child sexual abuse offenders are relatives, 60% are acquaintances, and only 11% are strangers.-Diana Russell, The Secret Trauma, NY:Basic Books, 1986.

• For the vast majority of child victimizers in State prison, the victim was someone they knew before the crime. 1/3 had committed their crime against their own child, about 1/2 had a relationship with the victim as a friend, acquaintance, or relative other than offspring, about 1 in 7 reported the victim to have been a stranger to them.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 3/4 of the violent victimizations of children took place in either the victim's home or the offenders home.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Males are reported to be the abusers in 80-95% of cases-Thoringer, D., et al., 1988.

• About 60% of the male survivors sampled report at least one of their perpetrators to be female.-Mendel, 1993.

• All but 3% of offenders who committed violent crimes against children were male.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

•The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molests an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense.-Dr. Gene Abel in a National Institute of Mental Health Study.

• Offenders who had victimized a child were on average 5 years older than the violent offenders who had committed their crimes against adults. Nearly 25% of child victimizers were age 40 or older, but about 10% of the inmates with adult victims fell in that range.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 71% of male offenders are under the age of 35.-Dr. Ann Burges, Dr. Nicholas Groth, et al. in a study of imprisoned offenders.

• 3/4 of sexual predators are younger than 35. About 80% are of normal intelligence or above.-Profiles from the FBI Academy and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

• Though officially, not considered abuse, the highest incidence of incest occurs among siblings.-Waterman & Lusk, 1986.

• Many clinical settings currently are witnessing a dramatic increase in the number of adolescent offenders who have committed sexually aggressive acts against other children.-Conte, Jon R., 1986.

• While nearly 70% of those serving time for violent crimes against children were white, whites accounted for 40% of those imprisoned for violent crimes against adults.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Inmates who victimized children were less likely than other inmates to have a prior criminal record-nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had never been arrested prior to the current offense, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults.--BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Violent child victimizers were substantially more likely than those with adult victims to have been physically or sexually abused when they were children..-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 50% of reported child molestations involve the use of physical force and child molesters produce as much visible physical injury as rapists-39% of victims.-Dr. Gene Abel in a National Institute of Mental Health Study.

• About 14% of child victimizers carried a weapon during the violent crime, compared to nearly 1/2 of those who victimized adults.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• About 10% of violent offenders with child victims received life or death sentences and the average prison term was 11 years, somewhat shorter average sentences than received by those with adult victims.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• More than 1/2 of all convicted sex offenders are sent back to prison within a year. Within 2 years, 77.9% are back.-California Department of Corrections.

• Recidivism rates range from 18-45%. The more violent the crime the more likelihood of repeating.-Studies by the state of Washington.

• 3 in 10 child victimizers reported that they had committed their crimes against multiple victims: they were more likely than those who victimized adults to have had multiple victims.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Like rape, child molestation is one of the most under reported crimes: only 1-10% are ever disclosed.-FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.

• The behavior is highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment.-Dr. Ann Burges, Dr. Nicholas Groth, et al. in a study of imprisoned offenders

These statistics are horrible and show that there has to be more education in our homes, schools and community. Keep you eyes and ears to the ground. Check your children out. Ensure that you have great communication between you and your children. Let's save a life.

Til next time...

Resilience: What does it look like?

Hello Readers...

Today, I received a phone call from a reporter from the Philadelphia Inquire Daily News in Pennsylvania. She told me about a murder in Pennsylvania. A woman was murdered by her ex boyfriend while her children watched.

I was simply mortified when I received the news. I told her that my heart goes out to the victims, especially the children who watched. I prayed for their safety.

I was walking my mentee to the bus stop in order for him to get home when I heard the news. He too like these children lost his mom to domestic violence. His mother was murdered just two weeks ago as his twelve year-old brother watched. He survived a near strangulation by the killer and was able to get to the neighbors for help.

The reporter asked me what are the children feeling and going through right now. I told her the children's lives have been ripped from them. These children are terrified and absolutely lost and confused. There are no words to describe what happened today. There are no comforting feelings. It is a frightening world right now.

But like me, I too was lost. I had the same feelings losing my mother and brother. Although I was happy to be alive I felt like I was made to part with her and my brother. I left my childhood right there in the room where my mother and brother died right before my eyes. It was a massacre.

What I teach my new mentees is that there is a better day ahead for them. I teach them to cope, I show them love and patience and I validate their experience and feelings. I care. I understand how difficult this could be for them. If they were anything like me, they are devastated and empty and quite worthless. I have been there.

I have been to a place so far I did not think I was going to get a chance to ever come back. I made it this far though. I held on to a little hope. Somebody reached out to me. My grandmother saved us. She saved my brothers, sister and me.

These children need immediate help and stability. They are unstable and need comforting, but many children feel like they have been separated from security. I was too. I only had the clothes on my back when I was allowed to leave that house. It was terrifying.

Our struggles go on and our souls continue to fight. This world is full of violence and it doesn't seem like there is relief in sight. It may look like it makes no sense, but what does make sense is having those around you who love you and help to give you hope. That makes sense. These young men pressing on with their lives makes sense.

To my mentees and to all of the wonderful team players who work on behalf of victims...thank you.

That's what resilience looks like. Despair answered by hope is the answer.

Til next time...

Tribute to Michael Jackson

My friends,

I must be very honest about the influence Michael Jackson had on my life and my art.  Growing up, I listened and danced to MJ's songs and videos anytime I heard it.  My mother would encourage me to get in front of all the family and perform.  Before then, I did not have any idea that I could sing.  At least I cannot remember.  Michael will be forever missed by me and countless friends I know.  Many may believe that his legacy is mixed, but Michael was only convicted of being a true humanitarian.  It is unfortunate that he had to travel down such a hurtful and difficult road, but he made it through to receive such a fitting tribute today by his family, friends and fans.

I was quite mixed during his trial and previous allegations of child molestation, but who am I to judge?  I thought long and hard about it and I settled on the fact that Michael was never convicted of these allegations and after all, who would want to subject themselves to an embarrassing trial?  I respect Michael and his contribution to this world truly deserves more than what we gave him.  We all live in glass houses and when we least expect it, we are constantly put on trial ourselves.  What do we expect from others when that happens?  A little mercy and understanding goes a long way.

My prayers go out to his children, family and countless people who knew and loved him.  I wish only the best for Michael's soul as it travels to endless places such as that great place we all can only contemplate -- a heaven.  

R.I.P. Michael.  Many blessings.  Thank you for your contribution.

Til next time...

Two Young Men Survive Through the Ultimate Tragedy

Readers...

I had a moving conversation with a family today that had me in absolute tears.  My heart is so heavy having connected to this family.

The story...

Two young men, 15 and 17, awakened to the sound of a phone ringing, a mobile phone that they shared that their mother had provided for them.  They missed the phone call and had to listen to the voicemail.  What they heard would be the most tragic thing they ever heard in their lives.

Their father left a message telling them that he had killed their mother and that he was going to kill himself.  He wished them a good life, then killing himself.  

The children confirmed the death of their mother from their visit to the murder site.  It was devastating.

Today, they were able to tell me their story over the phone.  I listened as they told me the difficult story of their mother's death.  I told them my story.  Their uncle listening intently, all the while, giving all of us support.

I was so inspired by their resilience today.  They were so strong to discuss the murder today.  

I simply wanted to reach out my hand and give them so much support for their loss.  If people who murdered only knew how much they were impacting others' lives, they would not kill.

These young men are scarred for life.  But, I told them that together we will get through this. 

Not to mention, their uncle and aunt also lost a son.  He was also killed.  

There is so much work to do.  It starts now.  I encourage you to be strong out there and make sure that you have a plan for leaving your relationship.  Safety is the key.  Both my mother and these young men's mother did not have the proper tools in order to make a decision to leave.  

For a safety plan, go to www.afterthetrauma.com.  Mildred Muhammed has a book that you can buy that has a plan in it.  I am developing my own book and safety plan as well.  It is imperative that we provide others with tools to strengthen and rebuild their lives.

Thanks for your energy and time.

Til next time...

What I Am Up To -- Changing the World By Changing Me

It's been a while since I blogged and it's been quite busy for me lately. There are so many opportunties and events to attend. Working diligently on behalf of several causes is exciting. There was one time in my life when I could not even see straight. I could not envision my life taking shape and being positive. So, I am grateful for this day. This is a day when I can rejoice and be glad that I have an opportunity for another chance to make a difference in life. Have you made that choice? What is your choice today? Are you in a dilemma that precludes you from making a positive choice in life? Well, it is time to make a decision to be strong, have courage to reach deep inside of you -- pulling that survival instinct out and going for it. And, that's what I have been doing lately. I am involved in many positive projects and I value my work. I know that it is tough, but we must reach out for help if we feel stressed and motivate ourselves.

Next week, I address a room full of practitioners and professionals in the area of victims assistance. Over 500 folks will be listening to me tell my story of tragedy. They will listen to what happened and what did I do to turn things around. What tools did I use? Who helped me? I am excited about giving this group tools that they can use in order to help rebuild lives in their communities and on their jobs. That's what life is all about. Being there for others is key.

Thanks to the National Center for Victims of Crime and to the Office for Victims of Crime within the Department of Justice, Justice Programs for allowing me to be a small part of the effort to educate and learn from professionals for the benefit of victims who are suffering as we speak.

Til next time...

Violence in Chicago finds a Another Combatant

Hello Readers...

Last evening I addressed an amazing group of people for a great cause. Alderman/Committeeman Sandi Jackson and 7th Ward Independent Political Organization hosted a benefit to Stop the Violence. The program was held at The Park At Fourteenth on 14th Street, N.W., downtown D.C.

Anwan "Big G" Glover of HBO's The Wire, began the program with a welcome and introduction of Bonita Parker, Chief of Staff for Alderman Sandi Jackson. Following was a blissful and beautiful rendition of Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing by Jessica Gabrielle Chambliss.

Then, I spoke. My message was rooted in bringing attention to violence and the impact that violence has on victims and survivors. I asked those in attendance to ensure that they reached out to those in need.

Kouri Marshall, A. Scott Bolden, Ronald Moten and Jauhar Abraham all made touching and heartfelt speeches. Peaceoholics, Moten and Abraham acknowledged graduates who were once a part of their program to engage and educate youth.

Alderman Jackson made a riveting speech. She held everyone accountable to being involved in the community and making a difference.

Lastly, Rachel Crouch and Charles Jean-Pierre presented paitings to Alderman Jackson.

The event turned out to be a great event to benefit victims of violence in Chicago.

Let's continue to be vigilant in our efforts to end violence in our communities. It takes us working together and taking responsibility for our community in order to make a difference.

Til next time...

Praises for a Young Activist - Ronnie Mosley (Chicago)

Good day Readers:

I just read a story about a young man who is making a difference in Chicago. He is 17 year Ronnie Mosley who lives in Chicago. Ronnie lost his best friend to gun violence two years ago and has been an advocate against gun violence ever since. I am truly inspired by his fight and applaud his efforts to rally his colleagues in school and in the community to stop accepting violence in his community.

This is what eliminating violence is all about. It is within us to combat this conundrum. We have to support and develop comprehensive strategies and ways to deal with violence instead of relegating it to the authorities. We must work together as a community to bring attention and awareness to the issue. Only then will we be able to own up to our responsibilitiy of protecting our community.

We need more Ronnie Mosleys to speak out and express dismay with our fellow citizens. We will not and cannot accept the violence.

I simply had to say what was on my mind tonight. I felt compelled to make a statement supporting Ronnie and what he is doing in Chicago.

Additionally, I wanted to make everyone aware that I am speaking on Thursday evening at 6:30 p.m. Alderman Sandy Jackson's event in Washington, D.C. The event is at 1301 K Street, N.W., Washington, D.C. Alderman Jackson will be addressing the violence in our community and communities throughout the country.