Conversation with Kellibrew

Teens With Fears

2011-04-03T22:19:00.004-04:00

Hello Friends...

This young person is either in the 9th or 10th grade and says that their biggest obstacle is, "The government trying to take me away from my family, my home."

Young people are struggling in classes, in their school, the community and in their homes. I do not know the reasons behind the fear of this young person, but I do know that trying to concentrate in school when these kinds of feelings are taking place is a certain struggle. It can lead to substantial problems.

If you know a teen or young person struggling with peer pressure, suicidal ideation, bullying, depression, grief/loss, relationships, stress/anxiety, substance abuse, alcohol, teen pregnancy or substance abuse, please reach out to the hotline below.

1.877.Youthline
1.877.968.8454

Til next time...

Student Tussles With Peer Pressure

2011-04-02T19:31:00.002-04:00

Hello Friends...

Two young people, both 9th and 10th graders describe their battle with peer pressure below.

"My lazyness also the pres[s]ure of not doing my work and hangout with friends instead."

"-i try to hard to be like all my friends and make everyone happy. Sometimes I make bad decisions because my friends did even though I dont think its right but after I regret it because I really want to do anything."

These two young people are battling deeply with peer pressure and it is what I see as I travel throughout the world. No matter what race, gender, or religion, etc., it is difficult for them to make decisions that are not influenced by their peers.

If you know a teen or young person struggling with peer pressure, suicidal ideation, bullying, depression, grief/loss, relationships, stress/anxiety, substance abuse, alcohol, teen pregnancy or substance abuse, please reach out to the hotline below.

1.877.Youthline
1.877.968.8454

Til next time...

"My greatest fear is getting kill."

2011-03-31T22:20:00.003-04:00

Good evening friends... As I promised, here is another index card from my travels. This index card comes from a student in New Orleans. "My greatest fear is getting kill. The people I see everyday are dieing and most of them were in gangs. That's wehre I'm at now and it scares me that I have to watch my back everyday and it scares me even more knowing when it comes down to I might have to pull the trigger." Anonymous Til next time...

2011-03-31T00:43:00.003-04:00

Good evening friends...

I know it's been a while so I wanted to say hello. I just came back from travelling around the country to learn from America's youth. I met thousands of kids from Boston to New Mexico to Louisiana. I learned many things and have many recommendations. Those recommendations will be issued in a report released at some point soon. I will keep you updated.

Also, I am starting a series. Everyday, I will send out a message a day from a child on my travels. Or. at least I will try. If I miss a day, I will certainly give you two or three at a time to catch up, lol.

So, here we go.

I asked children, youth and young adults throughout our country to write on an index card to tell me their obstacles, challenges, biggest problems, their thoughts or simply that they are having a nice day. It didn't matter. This is some of what they said.

"My biggest obstacle is to graduate and get through college. I think I only have one person who's holding me back which is my boyfriend. I have a fear of loosing my family like you did. I will keep you in my prayers. As I can see by the way you talk about what happen that you are getting through what has happened I don't know you but you really made me cry and I wish the best For you (smiley face)."

Inspiring.

Til next time...

Have Some D.C. Council Members Bumped Their Heads?

2010-12-03T23:44:00.000-05:00

Hey friends...

Been some time, but definitely glad to be back. I hope and pray that your Thanksgiving Day was exceptional and you are preparing diligently for the holidays.

As we share time with our families and friends during this special holiday season, I am reminded of how difficult it will be for some families and children as they brave the cold weather and harsh conditions of being in the cold this winter, without safety, shelter and food to tide them over. Not to mention the many homeless families affected by domestic violence.

And, as if this is bad. Well, there is something that tops this experience. How about arriving to a shelter after you have been put out of your home or left under the cover of darkness with your children and you go to the shelter and try to get in? If you do not have your identification, then you could be turned down. Imagine that?

Well, when I was ten and left the home where my mother and brother had just been killed, right before my eyes, I had just the shirt on my back and shorts with no shoes on.

We just lost our guardian, my mom. It was 1984, July 2. We lived in Capitol Heights, MD and immediately were displaced. My grandmother eventually was offered an opportunity to live in her sister's house, which she accepted. Like she had a choice. At any rate, my grandmother told me that she applied for funding, some help from the government and they told her that we were not her children or legal guardian, so she was denied. It was a slap in the face for a family who had undergone so much trauma.

In the midst of losing a loved one to violence, we had to deal with being displaced and also had to live on my grandmother's one salary. To say the least, it was taxing and difficult for her and us.

What if we had to go to a shelter? What if we did not have family to take us in? God forbid we didn't have my grandmother. She was asked by someone on her job if she was going to put us in foster care.

I did not experience foster care of living in a shelter as a child, but nonetheless, it was quite difficult.

Read this information below. If you disagree with Councilmember Wells and everyone else who is proposing this nonesense, please use your energy to let them know that you do not support this.

A life hangs in the balance. Trust me.
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Homeless Services Reform Amendment Act of 2010 Will Harm DC Residents, Increase Financial and Administrative Burdens, and is Legally Unsound

Posted on November 4, 2010 by Washington Legal Clinic for the Homeless

Bill 18-1059, the Homeless Services Reform Amendment Act of 2010 (HSRA), introduced by Council member Tommy Wells, presents a number of serious problems for at-risk District residents (including vulnerable children), for providers of homeless services, and for the DC government itself. The bill puts the lives of DC residents at risk, is administratively and financially cumbersome, and opens the District to potential legal trouble. Additionally, the proposed law would reduce homeless services while increasing cost of administration.

What Bill 18-1059 does:

• Requires verification of DC residency before one can access emergency shelter or almost any other homeless service, including winter shelter, outreach, Housing First, meal programs and crisis intervention services, and defines residency more narrowly than any other program in DC.

• Attempts to exclude a) those who seek “low barrier” shelter (which does not include any family shelters or “severe weather[1]” shelters), as well as b) applicants to shelter who are victims of “domestic abuse, sexual assault, or human trafficking” (but provides no information on how a person would verify such exemption prior to receiving services), from residency requirements during severe weather only.

• Eliminates the longstanding health and safety protections for families with minor children by removing the requirement in the winter that family shelter be “apartment-style.” Removes any limit on the number of families that can be placed together in one room with communal sleeping, eating, and bathroom facilities.

Bill 18-1059 is dangerous for DC residents.

The risks of B18-1059 do not justify the benefits. The anticipated benefit of B18-1059 is the possibility of excluding a small number of non-DC residents from shelters and services in the District by requiring proof of DC residency before one can receive shelter or services. This benefit, however, is far outweighed by the potential risks: leaving the District’s most vulnerable residents—the homeless—out in the cold on hypothermia nights.
B18-1059, by mandating proof of District residency, may disproportionately exclude the most vulnerable DC residents. Many individuals become unexpectedly homeless following an eviction, an apartment fire, or a dangerous domestic situation—these same individuals are likely to lack proof of residency when seeking services.
B18-1059 defines “DC resident” more narrowly than any other District program.[2] Homeless individuals are the most likely DC residents to lack proper documentation. By imposing a residency standard that is more stringent than would be required for other social services, DC is certain to deny services to District residents.
B18-1059 denies emergency services to individuals facing imminent danger. Mandating proof of residency for residents seeking hypothermia shelter is akin to requiring ID before administering life-saving medical emergency services.

Bill 18-1059 is administratively burdensome and financially taxing.

B18-1059 places an unprecedented burden on outreach and shelter workers. Upon implementation of this bill, all employees and volunteers conducting outreach or intake at DC’s homeless shelters and service providers would have to become experts on verification of residency. Training service providers would require specialized instructions, and many organizations will need new intake procedures, increased staff, and updated technology to comply.
Verification of exempt status could be impossible, or in some cases, illegal. Requiring victims of domestic abuse, sexual assault, or human trafficking to announce, and presumably prove, status is not only administratively problematic, but may also constitute a violation of civil rights under local and federal confidentiality and fair housing laws.[3]
In a time of budgetary strain, B18-1059 will increase costs while reducing services. Requiring proof of identification will make outreach and intake procedures more cumbersome, thereby reducing the number of individuals served and increasing cost per client. Operational and logistical restructuring required to implement a new residency documentation mandate may also be expensive and inefficient.

Bill 18-1059 is legally problematic.

B18-1059 puts the District at risk of lawsuits. This bill puts the health and safety of DC residents at risk. Any individual unable to access life-saving services because of the bill’s implementation may have a cause of action against the District.
Adverse impact on protected classes may violate civil rights law. The strict verification of residency requirements in this bill will be prohibitive to certain protected classes, including survivors of violence, immigrants, and persons with limited English proficiency.

Bill 18-1059 will put DC children in winter shelters at increased risk of harm and abuse.

Communal-style shelters are dangerous and unhealthy for children. Cramming families into spaces with strangers instead of providing them with basic privacy and safety protections puts children at increased risk of abuse by unrelated adults and at increased risk of contracting communicable diseases. The communal environment can also lead to poor school performance and attendance.
B18-1059 puts families this winter at risk of being placed in small rooms with unlimited numbers of unrelated families. Throughout the last winter, large numbers of families (sometimes as many as 18) were piled on top of one another in one room at DC General, causing great stress to these parents and children. The only way families were able to protect the safety of their children was to assert their right to apartment-style shelter—the same right that this bill would take away.
Non-apartment style shelter can be lethal for persons with immune-compromised disorders such as HIV/AIDS or lupus. Families shouldn’t be forced to choose between sleeping on the street and risking their health and life in a crowded, communal environment where disease is easily spread.

Communal-style shelter is dangerous for victims of domestic violence. Victims would be at risk of living in close proximity to the perpetrator of violence, endangering their safety and the safety of their children.

Conclusion: Bill 18-1059 may have been a well intentioned effort to prioritize scarce resources for DC residents, but the actual effect of the bill will be to divert those scarce life-saving resources from the very residents who need help the most. Any concerns, however minimal, that non-DC residents are taking away resources from DC residents should be resolved in a thoughtful, data-driven manner that brings regional partners to the table. The District could better serve its homeless neighbors by limiting residency documentation requirements to certain long-term, non-emergency services and by coordinating with surrounding jurisdictions.

A hearing on this bill will take place on November 8, 2010 at 11:30am, Wilson Building, Room 500. For more information contact Nassim Moshiree at the Washington Legal Clinic for the Homeless, nassim@legalclinic.org

[1] “Severe Weather Shelter” is the same as hypothermia shelter. It is public or private space that the District makes available of the purpose of providing shelter to individuals and families who are homeless and cannot access other shelter during hypothermic weather (when the actual or forecasted temperature falls below 32 degreed Fahrenheit). Often severe weather shelter is located in the same space as “low barrier” shelter for individuals. All shelter for families is either “severe weather” or temporary shelter.

[2] See DC ST § 4-205.03 for DC residency as defined by the District of Columbia Public Assistance Act of 1982.

[3] DC ST § 14-310; D.C. ST § 7-1201.01(11); 42 U.S.C. § 10601-10604; 42 U.S.C. § 13925(b)(2); 42 U.S.C. § 11375(c)(5); and 42 U.S.C. § 11383(1)(8)(A); DC ST § 14-310; D.C. ST § 7-1201.01(11); 42 U.S.C. § 10601-10604; 42 U.S.C. § 13925(b)(2); 42 U.S.C. § 11375(c)(5); and 42 U.S.C. § 11383(1)(8)(A); DC ST § 2-1402.21; and 42 U.S.C.A § 3604

White House Commemorates DV Awareness Month

2010-10-28T07:43:00.000-04:00

Hello Friends.

I know it's been some time since I've blogged. Things are moving fast, but Ido find it therapeutic to blog -- get my feelings out in the air. But, as always, I am happy to see 17 followers. I always say that one is appreciated because one counts. I am grateful.

Yesterday, at the White House, I watched an event unfold. President Obama and Vice President Biden commemorated Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

As I sat there, I could not help but think about the countless victims and survivors who struggle everyday with devastation resulting from violence.

I also thought about my mother, brother and God-sister Tiffany. I knew I was giving them a voice by sitting there, humbled by the invitation.

I sent a letter to the White House this morning stating how thankful I truly was. I remarked that from a bloody room and an empty refrigerator to a room in the White House where victims and survivors were honoured was humbling and signaled hope.

The Violence Against Women Act and the Victims of Crime Act wasn't passed until after my mother and brother's death in 1984. Both laws did not do a single thing for us in 1984. We were not compensated as victims and in fact, my grandmother said that she was denied funding because we were not her children. We have come a long way since then.

Secretary Donovan (Housing and Urban Development) has a program that would help victims maintain their housing so that the choice to leave or stay for victims is their choice. They are not simply put to the streets. The President also remarked on many other avenues his administration is taking to make it easier for victims.

In 1984, we lost everything. I never returned to my house, at least on the inside. All of my toys, my clothes, my bed, simply gone. I was forced to walk away. The last memory I had was watching my mother and brother bleeding on the ground. At ten, that was a difficult moment and to be silent for three years (no therapy) and very little social services, was taxing on our me and my family.

Today, I am more hopeful than ever. We are paying more attention to domestic violence. We are paying more attention to sensible gun laws, thanks to the Brady Campaign and Brady Center where sensible gun laws are the order of the day. Thanks to the work of the William Kellibrew Foundation for their tireless efforts to make people aware and educate youth on the issue.

We cannot stop here. The road is tough and long and everyday starts anew.

I am more than committed to ending violence against women and children and anyone else who is being violated physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally and economically.

Please take a stand with me and influence someone else to take a stand.

Ask yourself, What am I doing to end violence against women, children and others? Sometimes it just takes a listening ear.

The next time you encounter someone, think about their lives. Just consider for one moment. This person could be 1 out of 4 women victimized, beaten, or hurt by their spouse, partner, or loved one. This person could be 1 out of 6 who are sexually assaulted each year in America.

Look beyond the exterior. It just takes you caring.

To see video from the White House Commemoration event go to

http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/video/2010/10/27/domestic-violence-awareness-month

You will catch me on the third row, directly behind Secretary of Health Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, Victor Rivers and Joe Torre, Former Manager of the New York Yankees.

To learn more about how you can become a part of pushing for more sensible gun laws that keep people like Marshall Brent Williams, my family's killer, away from guns and how you can help close the Gun Show Loophole visit www.bradycampaign.org.

You can also visit www.theWKFoundation.org for more information on the William Kellibrew Foundation.

And, if you are in need of help call 1.800.FYI.CALL (National Center for Victims of Crime).

In an emergency, please call 911 immediately.

These and other acts of reaching out can save a life and possibly save lives.

Thank you for your listening ear today and I wish each one of you the best today and beyond.

Til next time...

William

Update & Great Reads

2010-03-02T23:46:00.000-05:00

Hello friends!

I am so excited to see 15 followers on the blogspot. I see we are growing. It's also exciting because I can remember when it was just one member, me, lol. I have learned that one person matters though, but I am eternally grateful for each of you tuning in. It's been a while.

The past few months have been tough, but today is a new day and a new opportunity. I take it easy and slow, but at a fast pace, lol. I wanted this post to be short and sweet.

I would like to point you to the William Kellibrew Foundation website to learn more about what we are doing to combat violence. Go to www.theWKFoundation.org.

Although, February is over I wanted to post some great resources on Teen Dating Violence. I use the Children's Exposure to Violence survey constantly. You will find the information below astounding, mind-boggling and educational.

Take a look!

Publications:

Children’s Exposure to Violence: A comprehensive National Survey Teen

Dating Violence: A Closer Look at Adolescent Romantic Relationships

Understanding Teen Dating Violence

Want more information? Here are some great websites:

www.loveisrespect.org

www.breakthecycle.org

www.thatsnotcool.com

Short and sweet tonight.

I promise to blog more.

Til next time...

Holidays - Tough for Victims and Survivors

2009-12-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

Hello friends...

It's been a while since I last blogged, but it's super great to blog again.

We are in the middle of a tough holiday season for many who are victims and survivors of violent crime.

I know several individuals who have suffered tragically, some recent and some with distant memories, but to them it seems like yesterday. Events haunt them still today.

For me, not having my mother and brother around for the holidays is difficult. Honestly, words cannot describe the loss I feel, but if I had to put it into words for others to understand, I would simply say, I cope with reoccuring thoughts and emotions. While I cannot change what happened, I can change my reaction to it.

The holiday season can trigger immense feelings and pressure. Birthdays, anniversary of deaths, wedding anniversaries and other important dates remind us sometimes of the amazing times we shared with our loved ones. These feelings range from depression and sadness to feelings of loss and anger. We also can feel grateful, happy and relieved, but I assure you that it is a roller coaster and not one emotion spared.

To cope with my loss during this holiday season, I stood outside today, breathing Edinburgh, Scotland's fresh air while looking out onto Princes Street Gardens, just beneat the Edinburgh Castle. Being in a special place helped me to appreciate the wonderful gift of life. Earlier in the day, I wasn't so happy though. Leading up to my visit to Scotland's museums on Princes Street, I felt sadness and an overwhelming feeling. It felt like I was all alone and quite isolated. I was by myself and with no mobile phone to call anyone. So, I had to rely on my coping ability to kick in.

Before kicking in though, I reflected on a time in my life when life wasn't so great. I thought about the times when suicide was the first thought inside my head. I remember how difficult life was then and I knew I did not want to return to that moment in time. Thank God and many family, friends and strangers who helped me get through those tough times because with their help, I got through. Now, my support systems are strong. I get through easier, but times are still difficult.

Remarkably, I have learned amazing coping skills to deal with my emotions. I breathe deeply, meditate, keep busy and engaged in many activities that give me great rewards. I read, write, watch movies, think about happy times, travel, talk with friends and go out on the town. These are just some of the things that help me cope. Also, I think about the less fortunate who do not have an opportunity like me to use their coping mechanisms.

These individuals can be found on our streets, in abusive homes, at war, held hostage, kidnapped, held against their will, sexually trafficked and other places where their survival is the ultimate challenge. The holiday season for many of these individuals is unbearable.

There is a way to deal with the problem of troubling holiday loss and grief though. There is help and there are ways to pump yourself back up.

Take a moment to simply breathe. Be in the moment. Breathing relaxes you and slows down your heart rate. Taking things one second or moment at a time puts you in place to be able to deal adequately with the next moment. I believe that we would not exist without the breath and if we value it, we may be able to understand how it helps us. I used the YES course as a way to help me cope with stress and my overwhelming feelings. You can find these courses at www.artofliving.org. The Art of Living Foundation teaches you how to find the inner peace you desperately search for through controlled breathing. I found my inner peace and I continue to enhance my life by breathing and meditating.

If you do not like meditating or breathing, talk to someone else about your issues or write about them privately. Sharing your feelings and issues will release you from feeling isolated. Bounce your feelings off someone you trust, you may find that you are not the only one to be suffering from the holiday 'blues'.

Remember, we all need each other to survive. Whether you are a victim, survivor, or know someone who is coping with loss reaching out this holiday season is a must. Save your life or save someone elses. I feel much better since I reached out to my support system.

I wish you all a happy holiday season.

Til next time...

Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence

2009-11-18T21:33:00.001-05:00

Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence

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Survivor Thoughts Under the Early Morning Stars

2009-11-05T04:52:00.000-05:00

Friends...

I know it has been some time since I last poured my heart out. Lately, I must admit that it has been difficult to write and travel at the same time. But, I woke up this morning with plenty to say. So, I invite you on this brief journey.

Over the course of the past month, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I engaged in dialogue about all of the violence that I have experienced. Many people do not know, but that is pretty hard. Reliving, recanting and sharing my experience of watching my mother and brother die is, to say the least, moving for me inside. For a good portion of the past 25 years, I tried to ignore the fact that it happened. It really wasn't until I had to speak about this incident publicly that I started to truly break the cycle of violence and poverty in my own life. It made me totally accountable to myself and society. For most of my life I perpetuated the cycle of violence and poverty by being ignorant. I wasn't conscious of a lot of the harmful things I was doing. These things hurt me along the way and a lot has to be reversed so that recovery can take place and restoration can return what fairness, dignity and respect was lost. These are the things that victims go through. Today, I am a survivor, but does it hurt? Sure. Sometimes, in my head, I revisit the room where they were killed. It was a horrible sight.

When I explain it to people, I see that they are very jolted by the description of what happened in that room. I am surprised sometimes as to what kind of courage it takes to talk about it. Because, sometimes I feel it a bit deeper as I talk about it. The feelings start to rush back and I think about a ten year old suffering at the hands of a killer and a cycle that rips and guts out the victims. Let me tell you what that meant for me.

That day, I lost everything, I thought. My life as I knew it ended. Although I begged and pleaded for my life to this man who ended up confusing me terribly by being merciful, I was ripped apart. One of my mentees described that after seeing his mother dead, he was in a zone, a cloud, not here on earth. I guess that's how I felt. I felt like my world had collapsed. It's so strange. As I watched my mother get shot, I thought, I am going to die. I have to prepare myself for this. Maybe it will be quick, I thought. After my mother was shot, her body was limp and non-responsive. The pure and strong leader that used to give me motherly beatings, correct me when I was wrong, yell at me for not doing chores, and the one that I dreamed about taking care of when she got old, just fell right before me and was silent. How was I supposed to go on? Why would I even want to go on? The little kid in me only had less than a minute to answer those questions before the gun was at my head.

I know it's hard to actualize. I know it's hard to fathom. For me, it is difficult to imagine this happening to someone and for years I put it on a shelf. In addition to being destroyed that day by my brother and mother's death, I continued to destroy myself. As a ten, eleven and twelve year old I felt pretty bad, but I can say that I was quite resilient. I masked my anger, my sadness, my depression, my hate, my loss, my grief, my feelings and everything that bothered me. No one really knew what was boiling inside of me. I realize with each passing day how devastating an effect this had on me growing up. I realized how much I ignored it. Today, the devastation has manifested itself in my strained relationships with old friends, the way I conduct business, the way I tie my shoes (interesting, have to explain), the way I go to sleep at night and many other ways. What do I mean? These things were all being developed by my mother. She was teaching me and grooming me. That day, it just completely ended. No one would ever touch me the way she touched me again. It's like, the one person who wasn't afraid to hug you and did not judge you based on the way you looked, smelled, acted, etc. She just loved me unconditionally. That's what I felt. Looking back, I realize how devastating it has been. I am still trying to fully restore.

When I travel around the country and to different parts of the world to discuss this experience I often wonder if people are really listening and capturing the true devastation of an experience like the one that I experienced? I know that when I hear these stories and look at the news, my heart drops because I know how real it is. When a soldier dies, I get this feeling inside of me that anguishes for their families. When a child loses a loved one, I know how that feels. It is a feeling that no one wants to feel, but it is very distinct. You can't miss it. It sneaks up on you sometimes and it also takes over and doesn't allow you to feel anything else. It's something that you have to be patient with. In due time, it will subside and you will find yourself moving along. But, for some, and this is rare, do not get to move along. They either are lost in a world of their own. Some turn to drugs and alcohol and some simply give up and kill themselves. These things are all things that happen when there is this kind of devastation. And, I wonder if people really hear it and grasp it. It's hard to measure when the audience does not give you feedback or evaluations. Sometimes I am lucky though. I get opportunities to hear others' stories. That's when I know I had a chance to help restore a life.

So, this month, I have dedicated at least a week to continue to write my book. I will leave away to Boston, MA to finish what I started years ago. When I was fifteen or sixteen, I started writing my book in the dining room of my grandmother's house. I knew this was something that she could not possibly read when I started it, but I knew there would be a day when I could write about these things without fear that it was too much for her. She often exclaimed that she did not want me to talk about it in public. She did not want to be surprised on the news or anywhere else as it related to the death of her daughter. But, now is the time. 25 years later and I feel a sense of absolute relief. I have the support of my family, friends and the public to once again, put pen to paper or at least finger to key to complete this project. I will not say that it is long overdue, but I will say that it is right on time and waiting any longer is unacceptable.

This book is about getting my story out of me. It has held me back for so long and I need to air what has been going on inside of me. It will be an honor for others to read it and support it once it is written, but writing it will finally help me come to grips with everything that has transpired. I warn you, I am not sparing graphics. I want to finally tell what happened in its entirety. I want to disclose the deepest and darkest secrets that still haunt me today. They are tragic, they have been life-changing. For years, I have held on to abuse, pain, hurt, misery and isolation because I thought that many would not care about my experience or story. So, it is time to write. It is time to put these stories down and be honest about what has held me back through the years and what has propelled me forward.

I also find that this book will be a tool for so many out there who were ignorant like me. Of course, I still do not know everything, but I want to learn. I am open to the possibilities. There are some of our fellow human beings who are not in that position. I met them. I talked to them. I interact with them sometimes daily. They are ignorant of inspiration, motivation, determination -- hope. They are trying to find it everywhere and they find themselves fighting a losing battle. Well, I want to leave them with a gift. This book will explain my escape or should I say, release, from near death. It will explain how I almost was killed to how I wanted to kill myself to actually simply being self-destructive. It will journey tthrough my world of narcissism and guilt. You will journey to some places with me that will have you asking whether or not you should travel with me. It is going to be hard. It is hard to write. Just recently, about a month or so ago, I was rereading the first chapter and I had to stop. I put the book down and just caught the tears streaming down my face with the palms of my hands. I had to find anything that would catch the downpour of everything that summed me up that day. I thought about me being ten and having to watch my own mother and brother get shot in their faces. It was demeaning. It was demoralizing. And for one moment, I collapsed. It was simply devastating once again.

Hey, things may change, but we are human. We have emotions. I will never forget this. The killer made sure of that. I know he had intentions on killing me. But, in a human's soul when he or she is ruthless, is an area with compassion. I had to learn this. I had to find that compassion in me. After it happened, I was angry. I was humiliated. I was embarrassed. I lied about it in school. I did not want people to know that I lost my mom and brother that way. I saw parents picking their children up from school. I saw how loving mothers were and I could not express how much I wanted to feel that love too. It didn't help that I was totally sensitive. I could cry on the drop of a dime when my mother was alive. She could yell at me and I would melt. So, just imagine her getting killed in front of me. I not only cried for years, but today, I still cry. I still feel that pain, but I have tools now that help me to cope. I have tools that help me to get through these tough times. Part of the coping mechanism is to be productive. For instance, I got up and started to write this blog. That helped me this morning because I felt a little sad this morning. I felt that void that is there for my moms. I miss her.

I was asked by a student in Fitchburg High School in Fitchburg, MA, just outside of Boston, "Would you go back and change it if you had a chance?" I didn't want to say to the teen, "Yes." because I have accepted their deaths. I have come to terms with their deaths. I am proud to be coping, finally. I am happy standing up for myself now. I am happy about making a difference in someone else's life. I did not have any idea how much people were hurting. The hurt and pain from these tragedies are immense. Of course I would give anything to just touch my mom again. But, I know that is wishful thinking and I have to put it in perspective and move forward to live as if she was still here. I have to do the things that she pushed me to do. However, my answer was definitely YES as a lost teen and younger adult. That was when I lived in the past. I tried to stay in my childhood. I did't want to grow up. Now, I am excited about the next day. Things have changed. But, what about the other abuse? It was compiled. It was compounding.

Being violently raped at six taught me a huge lesson and many other memorable ones. The huge lesson was that if something happens to you and you feel uncomfortable and oppressed, say something to somebody and quick. I held my rape in until I was fourteen, but by then, I had already exploded. But, at thirteen, I ended up with a black eye and in a mental institution for my behaviour. I finally lost control and ended up fighting my great aunt because she hit me in my face for cursing. Luckily, I saw the Color Purple, the movie and I watched as Oprah's character stood up for herself. I hadn't stood up for myself. I had been opressed since my mother died. That's what I felt like. My childhood was riddled with abuse. It was so ingrained in me. I was so scared growing up. But, no one ever knew. However, as I mentioned, at fourteen I finally broke the silence. My grandmother was devastated. She could not hear the news. To me, I felt good dropping the bomb shell. I am so glad I did. It was a relief. I would go on to tell about the other sexual abuse too. That is being saved for the book though. You would be amazed and disgusted all at the same time. I am eager to tell you. Most importantly, I am eager to tell you what I did to continually destroy myself and then tell you how I turned things around.

I want to leave you with a few words of experience. Some people can be so heinous in their actions. I know, because I was once one of those people. I was so upset and angry with the man who killed my mother and brother that I wanted people like him to die or either rot in prison. I often thought about killing. I often thought of killing myself. I was able to work these things out in therapy. When the doctors told me that if I was a threat to myself or others they would keep me longer in the hospital. So, I had to work on my attitude. We have to break this cycle of violence by impressing upon each other the importance of peace and the gift of love. People have become hardened because things have been hard. Look at the conditions of this country. Look at how exploited all of our stories are and then the folks that exploit them hardly use the story to help others. This does not pertain to everyone, but there are those folks who will use you for their gain. I have to be careful everyday not to do this, but when there is a cycle of violence and poverty that permeates your culture and your training, it is difficult. So, simply telling your story by writing it out for yourself is the key. That's when you can own up to the truth about what holds you back, what moves you forward.

This is probably my longest post, but I felt the need to get these things out. I am not perfect, will never be and do not plan on being. I make mistakes today, have made them yesterday and will make them tomorrow. I look forward to some mistakes because they teach me good lessons on how not to repeat them. My heart was heavy this morning and now, I feel much better.

Thanks to my eleven followers. I remember when I had just one follower. Thanks for joining.

Let's work on restoration for those who have difficulty in restoring their own lives. Start with you. I will start with me.

Til next time...

Kellibrew Addresses Mississippi Teens

2009-10-27T17:04:00.000-04:00

Domestic violence survivors to address rural Mississippi teens

October 26, 2009 Lexington, Mississippi
Posted by:HelpMeetLLC1

CNN producer note
iReport —

ARISE, take charge and prevent domestic violence!

LEXINGTON, Miss. -- According to a Bureau of Justice Special Report: “Intimate Partner Violence,” 40 percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

The ARISE (Assistance for Rural, Intervention, Strategies and Empowerment) Project is working hard to prevent such occurrences. In observance of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, ARISE will present a Domestic Violence/Abuse Prevention Forum, Tonight, Oct. 26, at 6 p.m., in the Community Students Learning Center building, 333 Yazoo Street, Lexington, Miss.

The program will feature William C. Kellibrew IV of the William Kellibrew Foundation, Washington, D.C., and Mississippi Author and Evangelist Voncele Savage of Canton, Miss. Although from different areas of the nation, both Kellibrew and Savage share a common bond: they survived the horrors of being victims of domestic violence and abuse!

Featured on national television, Kellibrew shared the horrific experience of seeing his mother fatally shot in the face and his 12-year-old brother shot in the head by his mother's ex-boyfriend. He was only 10 at the time, living in a poor, crime-ridden area near Washington, D.C.

A survivor of domestic violence, he uses his experiences to talk to teens and others throughout the country about domestic violence and to advocate for the protection of women and children. He is currently a political science student at Howard University, who plans to expand his outreach foundation. See his blog at http://www.kellibrew.blogspot.com/

A St. Louis, Mo. native, Savage is a retired educator who has a deep passion for speaking out against domestic abuse and violence. She suffered 40 plus years of domestic abuse from a husband in the ministry. Through her personal campaign, she now testifies how God has broken her free from such bondage. She uses God’s word and her deliverance -- via writing and speaking -- to let others know that there is a way out. Her latest publication, “Looking thru the Fence: Diamonds in the Rough,” (ISBN: 978-0-9795628-1-5) is a spiritual guide, with highlights of the abuse she and her children suffered. Her other book is “A Letter to My Sisters: The way Out,” (ISBN: 978-0-9795628-0-8). Both will be available at the forum, or one may log on to http://www.savagehouse.net/

“We could not have asked for two better presenters to come and talk with our ARISE participants,” said ARISE Prevention Coordinator Lula Friar. “When we asked Mr. Kellibrew, he did not hesitate to fit us into is schedule. Evangelist Savage came highly recommended.

ARISE is all about prevention. We don’t want our young people to get tangled in a web of domestic violence and abuse.”A program of the Community Students Learning Center (CSLC), a 501 (c) 3 organization, ARISE implements middle school and high school violence prevention programs that - explore relationships, gender roles, coercion and control – help young men and women to have more responsible, healthy relationships in middle school, high school, college and into adulthood. This project is supported under 42 U.S.C. 13971 (OVW- Rural) Department of Justice Office on Violence Against Women.

CSLC Executive Director Beulah Greer said she hopes this forum opens the eyes of not only the youth but also adults as well, about how destructive domestic violence and abuse can become. “We want to increase awareness and seriously raise the conscientiousness of people to not let this monster literally destroy the family,” she said. “We hope the ARISE forum encourages other organizations, including churches, to put on seminars, forums and workshops to help educate us all on how to prevent domestic violence and abuse.”

For more information on tonight’s Domestic Violence/Abuse Prevention Forum and for more information on ARISE, contact Friar or Greer at (662) 834-0905.

To contact the featured presenters for future speaking engagements, call the William Kellibrew Foundation at (202) 271.7409 for William C. Kellibrew IV, and for Evangelist Voncele Savage, call “Help Meet,” LLC at (601) 613-0869 or fax (601) 924-0396.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, please get help immediately! Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233); TDD - 1-800-787-3224.

Letter to Fitchburg High School Students in Fitchburg, Massachussettes

2009-10-16T15:09:00.000-04:00

Friends...

I spoke at a high school two days ago and it changed my life forever. It was my first time speaking at a high school and I must admit I was very nervous. Speaking on domestic violence and my mother and brother's deaths in particular can be difficult, but I do it because hopefully it will inspire a student whose life either hangs on a life-line to hope or perhaps they need a boost of determination.

October 16, 2009

Dear Fitchburg Juniors and Seniors,

I read all 431 of your index cards. I must admit that while I was in tears, I was also full of joy. I was truly inspired by each card that you gave to me. It showed that you wanted to get rid of so much pain, sorrow, problems, issues, heartache and despair. I am glad that on that special day you decided to make a positive turn in your life. You did not have to write anything down, but you did. Today, I am glad to share your pain, your hopes and your dreams.

I will take these stories with me to Mississippi at the end of this month. As I told you, your stories will help me to prepare for the students in Mississippi who are facing similar problems you are facing. With your help, I will be able to help students help themselves by using their determination and hope to build upon their dreams. Thank you so much.

Some of you are going through the toughest times of your lives. You know that I am certainly with you. I have had those dark days of despair and absolute loss of hope. It is a life-long process and I am still going through the challenges of life. However, there is a huge difference now. I know how to channel my negative energy into positive energy. I surround myself with friends who care and will not lead me down the wrong path. I know that if I just hang on my hopes and dreams will be answered. As I told you, one of you, if not all of you will have your day in the spotlight. Folks will say, “That person went to Fitchburg High School, once counted out, but now they are successful.”

I encourage each one of you to reach out to a teacher, guidance counselor, coach, your principal and assistant principal. Find somebody you trust. They are there to lead you and guide you along the path of success. If you are having difficulty in school it is always best to let someone else know.

Remember, you are the captain of your future. You define who you are. You determine where you will be 5, 10 or 20 years from now. Think about your future and where you would like to be. You can do anything. I believe that “success is living it”. Whatever you want to be in the future, you have to practice that right now.

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” That means that you have to start with you if there is going to be change. Once that happens, you will see the world change right before your eyes.

I really enjoyed my time with you at Fitchburg and I promise that I will never forget you. You changed my life. I tell everyone about you, the great questions you asked and the amazing stories you gave me.

If you wish to follow my BlogSpot, you may find me at www.kellibrew.blogspot.com. I try to blog weekly. I wish you all success and joy as you travel the road of life.

Sincerely,

William Kellibrew IV

The Peace Prize Awakens a President - A Recommitment to Peace

2009-10-09T17:42:00.000-04:00

Friends...

I haven't put the president's speeches on this blog before, but this one is special. President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize today and I am elated that he won. I like his attitude and I think that he is doing everything he can to protect our freedom and at the same time ensure that peace is prevalent across the world. Peace is special to me. It is my passion and hope for the world. Enjoy the president's speech.

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary
___________________________________________________________
For Immediate Release October 9, 2009

REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
ON WINNING THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

Rose Garden

11:16 A.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Well, this is not how I expected to wake up this morning. After I received the news, Malia walked in and said, "Daddy, you won the Nobel Peace Prize, and it is Bo's birthday!" And then Sasha added, "Plus, we have a three-day weekend coming up." So it's good to have kids to keep things in perspective.

I am both surprised and deeply humbled by the decision of the Nobel Committee. Let me be clear: I do not view it as a recognition of my own accomplishments, but rather as an affirmation of American leadership on behalf of aspirations held by people in all nations.

To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who've been honored by this prize -- men and women who've inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of peace.

But I also know that this prize reflects the kind of world that those men and women, and all Americans, want to build -- a world that gives life to the promise of our founding documents. And I know that throughout history, the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it's also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes. And that is why I will accept this award as a call to action -- a call for all nations to confront the common challenges of the 21st century.

These challenges can't be met by any one leader or any one nation. And that's why my administration has worked to establish a new era of engagement in which all nations must take responsibility for the world we seek. We cannot tolerate a world in which nuclear weapons spread to more nations and in which the terror of a nuclear holocaust endangers more people. And that's why we've begun to take concrete steps to pursue a world without nuclear weapons, because all nations have the right to pursue peaceful nuclear power, but all nations have the responsibility to demonstrate their peaceful intentions.

We cannot accept the growing threat posed by climate change, which could forever damage the world that we pass on to our children -- sowing conflict and famine; destroying coastlines and emptying cities. And that's why all nations must now accept their share of responsibility for transforming the way that we use energy.

We can't allow the differences between peoples to define the way that we see one another, and that's why we must pursue a new beginning among people of different faiths and races and religions; one based upon mutual interest and mutual respect.

And we must all do our part to resolve those conflicts that have caused so much pain and hardship over so many years, and that effort must include an unwavering commitment that finally realizes that the rights of all Israelis and Palestinians to live in peace and security in nations of their own.

We can't accept a world in which more people are denied opportunity and dignity that all people yearn for -- the ability to get an education and make a decent living; the security that you won't have to live in fear of disease or violence without hope for the future.

And even as we strive to seek a world in which conflicts are resolved peacefully and prosperity is widely shared, we have to confront the world as we know it today. I am the Commander-in-Chief of a country that's responsible for ending a war and working in another theater to confront a ruthless adversary that directly threatens the American people and our allies. I'm also aware that we are dealing with the impact of a global economic crisis that has left millions of Americans looking for work. These are concerns that I confront every day on behalf of the American people.

Some of the work confronting us will not be completed during my presidency. Some, like the elimination of nuclear weapons, may not be completed in my lifetime. But I know these challenges can be met so long as it's recognized that they will not be met by one person or one nation alone. This award is not simply about the efforts of my administration -- it's about the courageous efforts of people around the world.

And that's why this award must be shared with everyone who strives for justice and dignity -- for the young woman who marches silently in the streets on behalf of her right to be heard even in the face of beatings and bullets; for the leader imprisoned in her own home because she refuses to abandon her commitment to democracy; for the soldier who sacrificed through tour after tour of duty on behalf of someone half a world away; and for all those men and women across the world who sacrifice their safety and their freedom and sometime their lives for the cause of peace.

That has always been the cause of America. That's why the world has always looked to America. And that's why I believe America will continue to lead.

Thank you very much.

END 11:22 A.M. EDT

Edwards' Resolution Honoring the Lives of Homicide Victims Passes the House

2009-10-06T00:20:00.000-04:00

Congresswoman Donna F. Edwards’
Resolution Honoring the Lives of Homicide Victims Passes in the House of Representatives

09/30/09

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

September 30, 2009

Washington, D.C. – The House of Representatives passed a resolution introduced by Congresswoman Donna F. Edwards (D-MD), and cosponsored by Rep. Ted Poe (R-TX), supporting the goals and ideals of a National Day of Remembrance for Homicide Victims, which was commemorated on September 25, 2009. In recognizing all homicide victims and their families, Rep. Edwards wanted to bring particular attention to the unacceptable number of victims of intimate partner violence.

“We are witnessing an epidemic of homicide in this country and it must be addressed,” said Rep. Edwards. “The goals of this resolution are to honor the lives of all homicide victims, including those who died as a result of intimate partner violence. I thank my colleague and dear friend, Rep. Ted Poe (R-TX), to make this a bipartisan resolution, and hope that it will raise awareness about how serious and widespread the issues of homicide and domestic violence are in America.”

At least forty-eight Maryland women and children lost their lives as a result of intimate partner homicide in one year from July, 2007 to June, 2008. Nationally, three women per day are murdered by their former or current husbands and partners, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. From 1976 to 2005, approximately 64.8% of all female homicide victims during that time were murdered by an intimate partner. Intimate partner homicide remains the second leading cause of traumatic death for pregnant women in America.

“Congresswoman Edwards is an unwavering voice for the victims of intimate partner violence,” said Sue Else, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. “We join her in honoring and remembering so many who lost their lives to a spouse or partner. We commend Congresswomen Edwards for continuing to shed light on the pervasiveness and severity of domestic violence in America.”

Brandon Wallace, CEO and Executive Director of the William Kellibrew Foundation added, “William Kellibrew stood helplessly at the age of 10 as he watched his mother and brother gunned down by her estranged boyfriend before looking down the barrel of the gun himself. Intimate partner homicide cannot continue to rip families apart. We must support the legislation being introduced by Congresswoman Edwards and Congressman Poe to prevent further loss of innocent lives.”

The following organizations endorse the resolution: Legal Momentum, the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), the Family Violence Prevention Fund, the National Partnership for Women and Families, the William Kellibrew Foundation, and the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence (MNADV).

###

Survivor Connecting with a Victim Turned Survivor

2009-09-18T18:58:00.001-04:00

Wow, that's all I have to say tonight.

Hello friends,

It has been an interesting day. It was long, but productive. First, I spent the day with one of my mentees, a twelve year old, who was a witness to his mother's death. I got a chance to see the resilience in him. I got a chance to witness what it must have been like for me at his age when I lost my mom and brother to domestic violence.

He is smart and very aware of what happened on that horrible day when he lost him mom to point blank range shots from a former boyfriend. He understands that it was an absolutely bad thing to go through and he recognizes that it is from jealousy. But, really? Is it just jealousy? Children are more astute than we think they are. He is connecting this jealousy to his mom's death in which I agree. But, there is something more horrible than that at hand. His mom's killer did not value human life at all for that moment in time. More importantly, he did not value himself.

A great deal of caring about others' lives is caring about your own life. My mom's killer had been in prison for over ten years for murder and when he was released he met my mother. He fell back into his same patterns of abuse toward women and tried to control my mother. He was not happy with himself at all. Taking my mom and brother's life was truly him hating himself.

I knew when I heard my mentee's story, I had a lot of work to do. I had to prepare to sacrifice my time, energy and effort to help him back to recovery. I also mentor his 19 year old brother. They both are suffering from a tremendous loss. Now, they grapple with the murder, but they have so much resolve. I am proud of them today. By taking a stand to live life in a decent way, they are standing up against this violence. I could not help but be a resource to them. That's why I am helping them to develop their passion.

I challenge you today to reach out to somebody. Encourage them. Show them that there are alternatives to negative behaviour and that there is love in all of us. Some person out there is begging for help without saying a word. Words escape them because they have lost all hope. I know. I have been there. Reach out. Put your hand out there for them to grab. It makes all the difference in the world.

Today, I saw my young mentee as a survivor. He once was controlled by his killer and now he is defining himself.

Keep up the good work my friend. I share your pain and I share your tragedy. Today, I share your hope.

Til next time.

Innocence Torn Away: In Search of a Child Molester after 30 Years

2009-08-29T16:37:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends...

As I looked at the news and saw a 29 year old Jaycee Lee Dugard rescued I could not help but share her pain. 1991, Jaycee was kidnapped at 11 years old and held captive until 29 years old. She was repetitively raped and had two children by her captor. Her family was devastated and I can only imagine what poor Jaycee was going through being pulled from everything she knew. While her story shocks me and has brought me to tears since her story aired, Jaycee's story has inspired me with vigor and determination to save children and to deal with my own situation.

When I was six years old, I was violently raped and molested by my mom's friend and neighbor. We lived in a complex named Dodge View in Landover, Maryland. I felt hopeless all of these years, but today, I feel that he should be found and stopped from ever doing this again.

Today starts my search for this man who ripped through my soul and innocence at six. I was damaged for life. "Jose" was a good friend of my mom's and befriended me. He offered to fix my bicycle and instead of first fixing my bike, he pulled down my clothes, rubbed lotion all over my body and raped me at six. I never told my mother before she died. When she died I was ten. So, whatever hope of finding him and bringing him to justice was out of the question at that time. This hopelessness has stuck with me for an eternity, until today.

I am going to work to locate him and work to make sure that he can not harm another child. I can only imagine how many other children feel prey to his coercion and manipulation in order to rip their souls away.

Where do I start? Well, I am going to start with the Prince George's County Police Department. I have contacted the Deputy Chief of Police for another reason, but I am going to add this conversation in the mix. Next, I am going to search for information on the apartment complex back then, ask for their records and try to locate this man. I have so many things to say to him.

Whether he is prosecuted or convicted, my only solace comes in him knowing how he damaged me and how he took my innocence from me and to know I just might be able to save another child.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I bled and bled that day. My dad never knew, my mom never knew and my brothers and sister never knew. I revealed this at 14. By that time, as I mentioned, mom was dead. So, I was devastated during my teenage years having to deal with this nearly alone.

If you are out there and you feel like I do; stand up for yourself. Let's put people like this where they belong. There are many children who do not speak up. We have to break the silence and bring criminals like this to justice.

Let's take a look at some statistics on child molesters. You will find this troubling, but today I have more resolve than ever. Somewhere in a small corner, a backyard, compound, dark closet, hut, dwelling, is a small child suffering a terrible fate. My heart is heavy for them and my determination has taken over.

Child Molester Statistics

This excerpt is taken from http://www.yellodyno.com/html/child_molester_stats.html, Yello Dyno, Protecting Children From Child Molestors

"The serial killer has the same personality characteristics as the sex offender against children"-Dr. Mace Knapp, Nevada State Prison Psychologist.• "There are 400,000 registered sex offenders in the United States, and an estimated 80 to 100,000 of them are missing. They're supposed to be registered, but we don't know where they are and we don't know where they're living.- Ernie Allen, President of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to co-anchor Hannah Storm on The Early Show

• The most serious and chronic offenders often show signs of antisocial behavior as early as the preschool years.- (American Psychiatric Association, 1994) (was in Juvenile Justice Bulletin: Nov 1998 OJJDP: U.S. Department of Justice)• Dr. Gene Abel estimates that between 1% and 5% of our population molest children -CNN Specials Transcript #454-Thieves of Childhood.

• Nearly all the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%).- Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement, 7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• Overall, 23% of sexual assault offenders were under 18 and 77% were adults - Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• 40% of the offenders of victims under age 6 were themselves juveniles. A similar proportion (39%) of offenders of victims ages 6 through 11 were also juveniles. For older juvenile victims, the proportion of juvenile offenders dropped to 27%.- Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

•Adults were the offender in 60% of the sexual assaults of youth under age 12. Rarely were the offenders of young victims strangers. Strangers were the offender in just 3% of sexual assaults against victims under age 6 and 5% of the sexual assault of victimization of youth ages 6 through 11.-Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement,7/00, NCJ 182990, U.S. Department of Justice

• 1 in 5 violent offenders serving time in a state prison reported having victimized a child.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 2/3 of all prisoners convicted of rape or sexual assault had committed their crime against a child.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators.-Finkelhor, D. 1994.

• 89% of child sexual assault cases involve persons known to the child, such as a caretaker or family acquaintance.-Diana Russell Survey, 1978

• 29% of child sexual abuse offenders are relatives, 60% are acquaintances, and only 11% are strangers.-Diana Russell, The Secret Trauma, NY:Basic Books, 1986.

• For the vast majority of child victimizers in State prison, the victim was someone they knew before the crime. 1/3 had committed their crime against their own child, about 1/2 had a relationship with the victim as a friend, acquaintance, or relative other than offspring, about 1 in 7 reported the victim to have been a stranger to them.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 3/4 of the violent victimizations of children took place in either the victim's home or the offenders home.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Males are reported to be the abusers in 80-95% of cases-Thoringer, D., et al., 1988.

• About 60% of the male survivors sampled report at least one of their perpetrators to be female.-Mendel, 1993.

• All but 3% of offenders who committed violent crimes against children were male.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

•The typical offender is male, begins molesting by age 15, engages in a variety of deviant behavior, and molests an average of 117 youngsters, most of whom do not report the offense.-Dr. Gene Abel in a National Institute of Mental Health Study.

• Offenders who had victimized a child were on average 5 years older than the violent offenders who had committed their crimes against adults. Nearly 25% of child victimizers were age 40 or older, but about 10% of the inmates with adult victims fell in that range.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 71% of male offenders are under the age of 35.-Dr. Ann Burges, Dr. Nicholas Groth, et al. in a study of imprisoned offenders.

• 3/4 of sexual predators are younger than 35. About 80% are of normal intelligence or above.-Profiles from the FBI Academy and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

• Though officially, not considered abuse, the highest incidence of incest occurs among siblings.-Waterman & Lusk, 1986.

• Many clinical settings currently are witnessing a dramatic increase in the number of adolescent offenders who have committed sexually aggressive acts against other children.-Conte, Jon R., 1986.

• While nearly 70% of those serving time for violent crimes against children were white, whites accounted for 40% of those imprisoned for violent crimes against adults.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Inmates who victimized children were less likely than other inmates to have a prior criminal record-nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had never been arrested prior to the current offense, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults.--BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Violent child victimizers were substantially more likely than those with adult victims to have been physically or sexually abused when they were children..-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• 50% of reported child molestations involve the use of physical force and child molesters produce as much visible physical injury as rapists-39% of victims.-Dr. Gene Abel in a National Institute of Mental Health Study.

• About 14% of child victimizers carried a weapon during the violent crime, compared to nearly 1/2 of those who victimized adults.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• About 10% of violent offenders with child victims received life or death sentences and the average prison term was 11 years, somewhat shorter average sentences than received by those with adult victims.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• More than 1/2 of all convicted sex offenders are sent back to prison within a year. Within 2 years, 77.9% are back.-California Department of Corrections.

• Recidivism rates range from 18-45%. The more violent the crime the more likelihood of repeating.-Studies by the state of Washington.

• 3 in 10 child victimizers reported that they had committed their crimes against multiple victims: they were more likely than those who victimized adults to have had multiple victims.-BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991.

• Like rape, child molestation is one of the most under reported crimes: only 1-10% are ever disclosed.-FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin.

• The behavior is highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment.-Dr. Ann Burges, Dr. Nicholas Groth, et al. in a study of imprisoned offenders

These statistics are horrible and show that there has to be more education in our homes, schools and community. Keep you eyes and ears to the ground. Check your children out. Ensure that you have great communication between you and your children. Let's save a life.

Til next time...

Resilience: What does it look like?

2009-07-28T00:20:00.000-04:00

Hello Readers...

Today, I received a phone call from a reporter from the Philadelphia Inquire Daily News in Pennsylvania. She told me about a murder in Pennsylvania. A woman was murdered by her ex boyfriend while her children watched.

I was simply mortified when I received the news. I told her that my heart goes out to the victims, especially the children who watched. I prayed for their safety.

I was walking my mentee to the bus stop in order for him to get home when I heard the news. He too like these children lost his mom to domestic violence. His mother was murdered just two weeks ago as his twelve year-old brother watched. He survived a near strangulation by the killer and was able to get to the neighbors for help.

The reporter asked me what are the children feeling and going through right now. I told her the children's lives have been ripped from them. These children are terrified and absolutely lost and confused. There are no words to describe what happened today. There are no comforting feelings. It is a frightening world right now.

But like me, I too was lost. I had the same feelings losing my mother and brother. Although I was happy to be alive I felt like I was made to part with her and my brother. I left my childhood right there in the room where my mother and brother died right before my eyes. It was a massacre.

What I teach my new mentees is that there is a better day ahead for them. I teach them to cope, I show them love and patience and I validate their experience and feelings. I care. I understand how difficult this could be for them. If they were anything like me, they are devastated and empty and quite worthless. I have been there.

I have been to a place so far I did not think I was going to get a chance to ever come back. I made it this far though. I held on to a little hope. Somebody reached out to me. My grandmother saved us. She saved my brothers, sister and me.

These children need immediate help and stability. They are unstable and need comforting, but many children feel like they have been separated from security. I was too. I only had the clothes on my back when I was allowed to leave that house. It was terrifying.

Our struggles go on and our souls continue to fight. This world is full of violence and it doesn't seem like there is relief in sight. It may look like it makes no sense, but what does make sense is having those around you who love you and help to give you hope. That makes sense. These young men pressing on with their lives makes sense.

To my mentees and to all of the wonderful team players who work on behalf of victims...thank you.

That's what resilience looks like. Despair answered by hope is the answer.

Til next time...

Tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-07-07T18:53:00.000-04:00

My friends,

I must be very honest about the influence Michael Jackson had on my life and my art. Growing up, I listened and danced to MJ's songs and videos anytime I heard it. My mother would encourage me to get in front of all the family and perform. Before then, I did not have any idea that I could sing. At least I cannot remember. Michael will be forever missed by me and countless friends I know. Many may believe that his legacy is mixed, but Michael was only convicted of being a true humanitarian. It is unfortunate that he had to travel down such a hurtful and difficult road, but he made it through to receive such a fitting tribute today by his family, friends and fans.

I was quite mixed during his trial and previous allegations of child molestation, but who am I to judge? I thought long and hard about it and I settled on the fact that Michael was never convicted of these allegations and after all, who would want to subject themselves to an embarrassing trial? I respect Michael and his contribution to this world truly deserves more than what we gave him. We all live in glass houses and when we least expect it, we are constantly put on trial ourselves. What do we expect from others when that happens? A little mercy and understanding goes a long way.

My prayers go out to his children, family and countless people who knew and loved him. I wish only the best for Michael's soul as it travels to endless places such as that great place we all can only contemplate -- a heaven.

R.I.P. Michael. Many blessings. Thank you for your contribution.

Til next time...

Two Young Men Survive Through the Ultimate Tragedy

2009-06-26T03:02:00.000-04:00

Readers...

I had a moving conversation with a family today that had me in absolute tears. My heart is so heavy having connected to this family.

The story...

Two young men, 15 and 17, awakened to the sound of a phone ringing, a mobile phone that they shared that their mother had provided for them. They missed the phone call and had to listen to the voicemail. What they heard would be the most tragic thing they ever heard in their lives.

Their father left a message telling them that he had killed their mother and that he was going to kill himself. He wished them a good life, then killing himself.

The children confirmed the death of their mother from their visit to the murder site. It was devastating.

Today, they were able to tell me their story over the phone. I listened as they told me the difficult story of their mother's death. I told them my story. Their uncle listening intently, all the while, giving all of us support.

I was so inspired by their resilience today. They were so strong to discuss the murder today.

I simply wanted to reach out my hand and give them so much support for their loss. If people who murdered only knew how much they were impacting others' lives, they would not kill.

These young men are scarred for life. But, I told them that together we will get through this.

Not to mention, their uncle and aunt also lost a son. He was also killed.

There is so much work to do. It starts now. I encourage you to be strong out there and make sure that you have a plan for leaving your relationship. Safety is the key. Both my mother and these young men's mother did not have the proper tools in order to make a decision to leave.

For a safety plan, go to www.afterthetrauma.com. Mildred Muhammed has a book that you can buy that has a plan in it. I am developing my own book and safety plan as well. It is imperative that we provide others with tools to strengthen and rebuild their lives.

Thanks for your energy and time.

Til next time...

What I Am Up To -- Changing the World By Changing Me

2009-06-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I blogged and it's been quite busy for me lately. There are so many opportunties and events to attend. Working diligently on behalf of several causes is exciting. There was one time in my life when I could not even see straight. I could not envision my life taking shape and being positive. So, I am grateful for this day. This is a day when I can rejoice and be glad that I have an opportunity for another chance to make a difference in life. Have you made that choice? What is your choice today? Are you in a dilemma that precludes you from making a positive choice in life? Well, it is time to make a decision to be strong, have courage to reach deep inside of you -- pulling that survival instinct out and going for it. And, that's what I have been doing lately. I am involved in many positive projects and I value my work. I know that it is tough, but we must reach out for help if we feel stressed and motivate ourselves.

Next week, I address a room full of practitioners and professionals in the area of victims assistance. Over 500 folks will be listening to me tell my story of tragedy. They will listen to what happened and what did I do to turn things around. What tools did I use? Who helped me? I am excited about giving this group tools that they can use in order to help rebuild lives in their communities and on their jobs. That's what life is all about. Being there for others is key.

Thanks to the National Center for Victims of Crime and to the Office for Victims of Crime within the Department of Justice, Justice Programs for allowing me to be a small part of the effort to educate and learn from professionals for the benefit of victims who are suffering as we speak.

Til next time...

Violence in Chicago finds a Another Combatant

2009-05-22T01:55:00.000-04:00

Hello Readers...

Last evening I addressed an amazing group of people for a great cause. Alderman/Committeeman Sandi Jackson and 7th Ward Independent Political Organization hosted a benefit to Stop the Violence. The program was held at The Park At Fourteenth on 14th Street, N.W., downtown D.C.

Anwan "Big G" Glover of HBO's The Wire, began the program with a welcome and introduction of Bonita Parker, Chief of Staff for Alderman Sandi Jackson. Following was a blissful and beautiful rendition of Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing by Jessica Gabrielle Chambliss.

Then, I spoke. My message was rooted in bringing attention to violence and the impact that violence has on victims and survivors. I asked those in attendance to ensure that they reached out to those in need.

Kouri Marshall, A. Scott Bolden, Ronald Moten and Jauhar Abraham all made touching and heartfelt speeches. Peaceoholics, Moten and Abraham acknowledged graduates who were once a part of their program to engage and educate youth.

Alderman Jackson made a riveting speech. She held everyone accountable to being involved in the community and making a difference.

Lastly, Rachel Crouch and Charles Jean-Pierre presented paitings to Alderman Jackson.

The event turned out to be a great event to benefit victims of violence in Chicago.

Let's continue to be vigilant in our efforts to end violence in our communities. It takes us working together and taking responsibility for our community in order to make a difference.

Til next time...

Praises for a Young Activist - Ronnie Mosley (Chicago)

2009-05-18T18:16:00.000-04:00

Good day Readers:

I just read a story about a young man who is making a difference in Chicago. He is 17 year Ronnie Mosley who lives in Chicago. Ronnie lost his best friend to gun violence two years ago and has been an advocate against gun violence ever since. I am truly inspired by his fight and applaud his efforts to rally his colleagues in school and in the community to stop accepting violence in his community.

This is what eliminating violence is all about. It is within us to combat this conundrum. We have to support and develop comprehensive strategies and ways to deal with violence instead of relegating it to the authorities. We must work together as a community to bring attention and awareness to the issue. Only then will we be able to own up to our responsibilitiy of protecting our community.

We need more Ronnie Mosleys to speak out and express dismay with our fellow citizens. We will not and cannot accept the violence.

I simply had to say what was on my mind tonight. I felt compelled to make a statement supporting Ronnie and what he is doing in Chicago.

Additionally, I wanted to make everyone aware that I am speaking on Thursday evening at 6:30 p.m. Alderman Sandy Jackson's event in Washington, D.C. The event is at 1301 K Street, N.W., Washington, D.C. Alderman Jackson will be addressing the violence in our community and communities throughout the country.

National Crime Victims' Rights Week

2009-04-21T08:28:00.000-04:00

Each April since 1981, the Office of Victims of Services (OVS) has helped lead communities throughout the country in their observances of National Crime Victims’ Rights Week (NCVRW). Rallies, candlelight vigils, and a host of commemorative activities are held each year to promote victims' rights and to honor crime victims and those who advocate on their behalf (please view last year’s video).

National Crime Victims' Rights Week, April 19-24, 2008. Justice for Victims. Justice for All.

This year, Kenny Barnes, Sr. has been nominated by the United States Department of Justice Office for Victims of Crime - to receive the National Service Award for work being done on behalf of victims of crime.

Kenny wishes to extend an invitation to you, family, friends, or if you know of anyone who has been victimized by crime to participate in the events during National Crime Victims’ Rights Week, and to be sure and attend the Awards Ceremony.

National Observance & Candlelight Ceremony
Thursday April 23rd 6:30pm - 7:30pm
The US Chamber of Commerce
1615 H Street, NWWashington, DC

National Crime Victims’ Rights Week Awards Ceremony
Friday April 24th 1:30pm – 3:30pm
Andrew W. Mellon Auditorium1301 Constitution Avenue, NWWashington, DC
A number of my friends have decided to hold a reception after the Awards Ceremony this Friday on the rooftop of The Ellington, with its beautiful view overlooking the city. From my understanding there will be Middle Eastern Cuisine, beverages, entertainment, and hosted by a very special friend from Hollywood California - Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, The Apprentice and now the Celebrity Apprentice with Donald Trump - Omarosa Official Website – and assisted by the Lady Angels Marketing Team - Welcome to PartyWithTheAngels.com - Home of the Lady Angels Marketing Team!

Please join us and help in our efforts to continue our campaign to reduce violence and gun violence during these difficult economic times.

The Steering Committee is chaired by Ms. Guileine F. Kraft, a Doctoral Candidate at The National Catholic School of Social Service of The Catholic University of America and the invitation is attached for your review and RSVP.

For more information or to contribute contact Guileine Kraft at guikraft@yahoo.com

Til next time...

Mildred Muhammad hosts Support Group for Victims

2009-04-10T13:35:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter, Happy Spring, Happy Happy Everything.

I have a wonderful and special message from my friend Mildred Muhammad, the ex-wife of the convicted sniper, John Allen Muhammad.

Please pass along...

After The Trauma will begin a support group for victims and survivors of domestic violence, beginning April 18, 2009. The support group will be held from 2:00pm ~ 4:00pm at 5625 Allentown Road, Suite 200, Camp Springs, MD 20746. Light refreshments will be served.

The phone number has changed as well. The office number is 240-695-5911 and the fax number is 240-965-1887. Please make a note of it.

Thank you for your support...

Sincerely,

Mildred D. Muhammad
Executive Director,
After The Trauma, Inc.
www.afterthetrauma.org

Til next time...

U.S. Massacres Concerns Violence Survivors

2009-04-07T13:31:00.000-04:00

PRESS RELEASE
For Immediate Release
Contact: Brandon Wallace 202.271.7409
Email: wallace.motley@gmail.com
April 4, 2009

Motley Management LLC.
Make Moves, Make Memories, Make a Difference.

VIOLENCE SURVIVORS UNITE TO SUPPORT VICTIMS OF THE BINGHAMTON, NY AMERICAN CIVIC ASSOCIATION AND PITTSBURGH, PA MASSACRES

The William Kellibrew Foundation and ROOT Inc. (Reaching Out to Others Together), on behalf of all victims of crime nation-wide, would like to send condolences to the people of Binghamton, New York and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

The gruesome killing of thirteen innocent victims and critical wounding of four others in this New York center where immigrants were taking their U.S. citizenship examinations is incomprehensible. The brutal murder of immigrants beholden to the idea of living the American dream and actively participating to the fullest in that journey makes plain the notion that no one is immune to violence. The fatal shootings of three Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania police officers in the line of duty on a domestic violence call is tragic.

William Kellibrew IV, National Coordinator for Black Youth Vote for the National Coalition on Black Civic Participation said, “These senseless acts of violence take a toll on our community, but with resolve, we can work to ensure that victims receive adequate attention to get through these tough times.”

Kenneth E. Barnes, Sr., MS, founder and CEO of ROOT Inc, an organization committed to helping communities take a proactive approach to reducing gun violence, stated, "Deplorable assaults on our safety are taking place far too often in America. We must work steadfastly to ensure the eventual cessation of these preventable, unspeakable crimes."

These are immensely challenging atrocities having overwhelming ramifications that resonate through devastated communities. Violence can occur in homes, businesses, civic associations and even religious institutions. In just three weeks, violent episodes amplified by gun usage in Alabama, North Carolina, New York and Pennsylvania have left
34 people dead and the lives of many others traumatically altered forever.

A stronger more steadfast commitment to the prevention of crime through parole regulations, offender rehabilitation and violence prevention education is critical to bringing an end to the senseless violence that plagues all Americans and citizens around the world. We stand in unity and in full support of the people of Binghamton, New York and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but specifically for the family members who lost loved ones in these horrific tragedies.
# # #

Mother and Two Sons Die at the Hands of Boyfriend

2009-04-02T19:38:00.000-04:00

Fenty Calls for More Vigilance at Funeral of Woman, Two Sons

Community Honors Peters' Memory at Funeral

More than 1,000 people gathered at the Greater Mount Calvary Holy Church for the funeral for Erika Peters and her two sons on Wednesday.

By Hamil R. HarrisWashington Post Staff Writer Thursday, April 2, 2009; Page B04

More than 1,000 people paid their respects yesterday to a District mother and her two sons, whose violent deaths last month have sparked a renewed focus by city officials and residents on domestic violence.Mayor Adrian M. Fenty was among those who filed past the caskets at Greater Mount Calvary Holy Church that held the bodies of Erika Peters, 37, and her sons Erik Harper, 11, and Dakota Peters, 10.

D.C. police have charged Peters's boyfriend, Joseph R. Mays, in the slayings, which occurred March 21.

"It doesn't get any more tragic than this," said Fenty (D). "The investigation is ongoing, but there is really a need for more education and more involvement regarding the issue of domestic violence on the police level, the social service level and the community level."

The deaths have brought more scrutiny to the D.C. Office of Child and Family Services, which had been contacted about the family by relatives who reported that Mays, 44, had been abusing Peters and the children.

D.C. Attorney General Peter J. Nickles said that Erika Peters "didn't fall between the cracks."
"We received the hotline call in the fall of 2006, and Children and Family Services performed services and put the family in contact with a Medicaid provider for mental health counseling. The case file was closed in 2007 because the family seemed to establish some stability."

"Fenty Calls for More Vigilance at Funeral of Woman, Two Sons";digg_bodytext="More than 1,000 people paid their respects yesterday to a District mother and her two sons, whose violent deaths last month have sparked a renewed focus by city officials and residents on domestic violence."

At the funeral, Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-D.C.), D.C. Council member Harry Thomas Jr. (D-Ward 5) and other speakers reflected on the life of a woman who became the city's youth mayor as a high school student, a leader in the deaf community and a dancer who went from New York's Apollo Theater to an inaugural event for President Obama. Peters's sons were remembered by their football coaches and teachers.

"I feel personally that my boy Dakota was ready," a nun from Holy Redeemer Catholic School said during the service. She said that the day before he died, Dakota delivered a report on the book of Genesis. Upon completion, he said, "Now are there any questions?"
Thomas said of Peters, "She was the youth mayor that I worked for."

Norton said, "We need to keep on giving to this family."

Manyka Gaither, whose sister was killed in November, attended the service. Her sister's estranged boyfriend is suspected in the death.
"It is so tragic to keep going through this," Gaither said.

Violence Rips Through North Carolina and Massachusetts

2009-03-31T08:59:00.000-04:00

PRESS RELEASE
For Immediate Release
Contact: Brandon Wallace 202.271.7409
Email: wallace.motley@gmail.com
March 31, 2009

Motley Management LLC.
Make Moves, Make Memories, Make a Difference.

VIOLENCE SURVIVORS UNITE TO SUPPORT VICTIMS OF THE CARTHAGE, NORTH CAROLINA NURSING HOME MASSACRE AND THE BRUTAL MURDERS IN MILTON, MASSACHUSETTS

The William Kellibrew Foundation and ROOT Inc. (Reaching Out to Others Together), on behalf of all victims of crime nation-wide, would like to send condolences to the people of Carthage, North Carolina and Milton, Massachusetts.

The gruesome killing of eight innocent victims in this North Carolina nursing home is incomprehensible. The brutal murder of a five-year-old child and a seventeen-year-old makes plain the notion that no one is immune to violence.

William Kellibrew IV, National Coordinator for Black Youth Vote for the National Coalition on Black Civic Participation said, “These senseless acts of violence take a toll on our community, but with resolve, we can work to ensure that victims receive adequate attention to get through these tough times.”

Kenneth E. Barnes, Sr., MS, founder and CEO of ROOT Inc, an organization
committed to helping communities take a proactive approach to reducing gun
violence, stated, "Deplorable assaults on our safety are taking place far too often in America. We must work steadfastly to ensure the eventual cessation of these preventable, unspeakable crimes."

These are immensely challenging atrocities having overwhelming ramifications that will resonate through devastated communities. Violence can occur in homes, businesses and even religious institutions.

A stronger more steadfast commitment to the prevention of crime through parole regulations, offender rehabilitation and violence prevention education is critical to bringing an end to the senseless violence that plagues all Americans and citizens around the world. We stand in unity and in full support of the people of Carthage and Milton; but specifically for the family members who lost loved ones in Carthage and the grieving family that will bury three of its closest members in Milton.
# # #

A Young Boy's Pain and How to Cope

2009-03-27T08:34:00.000-04:00

I spoke to my nephew last night. He is going through a tough time. Over the past weekend one of his friends, a ten year old boy, was stabbed to death by his stepfather. Not only did the stepfather kill the ten year old, he stabbed his brother and his mother. In fact, the mother still had a piece of the blade from the knife lodged in her head.

So, the reason I am blogging about this is 1) that my nephew was a friend of the ten year old and spent the night at his house a week before his death, 2) to air my concern for my nephew and others who are dealing with this tragedy - to express my condolences, and 3) talk about coping.

1) It seems like tragedy is around the corner for my family. We deal with tragedy quite frequently. There is never a dull moment in my life as it relates to dealing with tragic circumstances and friends and family who suffer from violent acts. My nephew is facing his third tragedy in his life. The first was his father going to prison. Although he was young at the time, he still has some memory of his father and now that his father is out of prison they are building a relationship. The problem is that there was another male role model who replaced his father and that was my sister's husband. The two share a wonderful relationship, but my sister is now divorced and that also played a heavy role in my nephews sorrow and every day life.

Secondly, my Godsister and his play Aunt, Tiffany Gates, was stabbed to death by her ex-boyfriend who illegally walked away from a halfway house. He stabbed her nearly 50 times and ended her life. This was a devastating blow to my nephew and everyone around us. I saw that he was intuitive and wanted to know why it happened and where was she after she died. My sister did an awesome job in explaining where Tiffany was. She mentioned that Tiffany is not suffering and that she is in a better place away from hurt harm and danger. The children seemed to understand that death is a part of life and sometimes tragic things happen, but we have to cope with them as a team.

Lastly, my nephew suffers from this tragic circumstance. When I spoke with him I asked him did he know what happend. He told me the story and was pretty graphic about what he knew. He also mentioned that he played football with him recently. I acknowledged his pain and asked how was he coping and was he really sad. He said that he was sad and cried earlier. However, he mentioned that he also prayed. "Who did you pray for?" I asked. He said, "I prayed for his grandmother and his family." I told him that I thought that was really nice of him to do. It was a pretty honorable thing to wish the best for his family. I also told him that I would attend the funeral with him and that if he needed anything to make sure that he gave me a call.

I remember when I was ten and watching my mother and brother die at the hands of her killer. I thought I was a pretty bright boy, but nothing had prepared me for what I saw. It affected me for the rest of my life. Sometimes it wrapped me up like a sandwich and would not let me go. I felt despair and unspeakable pain at times - trying to cope with the loss.

Just recently, I cried about the situation. Some of the questions came into my mind. Why did this have to happen? What can I do to continue to cope? And, above all. Through these difficult times, I simply missed my mom. You see, my mother was a bedrock in my life. I was a momma's boy. I wanted to go everywhere with her at ten. I was heavily attached to her hip. And, to lose her so tragically was devastating to say the least. So, just a week ago, I took some time out to cry about it. Now, what triggered it? I was going through other problems that crowd my daily life and I reflected for a moment. What would my mother say? How would she help me cope? When those answers could not come, I cried. I was hopeful and optimistic about the future, but I was still sad.

You know, these times are going to come. They are going to enter our lives when we least expect it. I think and feel that it is okay to cry about it. It is okay to deal with it. That made me stronger that day. I am stronger today because I dealt with it and did not hide or suppress it. When I was ten, I suppressed it until I was thirteen years of age. That's when I wanted to commit suicide.

But, my, how far we have come. I am tougher and probably more sensitive than I have ever been. Coping with tragedies, I found, is a part of life for me. I am getting better and better at it. It sounds kind of crazy though. But, I have accepted that tragedy can and will happen. We must be armed with the coping tools to deal with them. So, these are some things to think about.

1) Talk about it. Get whatever you feel out in the open. Find someone you trust and talk about what happened. Find someone who will listen to your entire story from beginning to end no matter how long it takes. Getting the whole story out is crucial and imperative for your success in coping. I found that holding it in just left me feeling more empty, confused and actually lowered my self-esteem. Eventually, I lost my strength to deal with it on my own and the only avenue I had was to want to die. Luckily, I had some people in my life at the time I trusted, like my junior high school principal, Mr. Charles C. Christian. Thank God for him.

2) Find recreation. Find some time for you to do what your passion or hobby is. I like tennis and travelling. When I do these things, my mind is free from the pressure of coping with tragedy. Besides, when the tennis ball is coming my way, I do not have time to be thinking about anything else unless I want to feel the pain of a ball in my eye.

3) Consider professional therapy. That really helped me. It made me realise that there are things that I am doing that I do not understand. I was hurting myself with my behaviour. I was not treating myself properly and with respect. I had to learn how to respect myself and then respect others in the process. But, that came with time and great therapy sessions. Now, it took me years before I found the right therapist, but when I did, I was happy about attending the sessions.

4) Volunteer. I have become a huge advocate for those affected by tragedy. I do not try to act like a therapist. I leave that job up to the pros. But, I do listen. I support. I encourage. And, most of all. I love. I love to give my time and energy to help those who sometimes do not have a clue that they need the help. It's about giving and not looking to receive. So I sacrifice.

Thanks for reading this far. I had a few things on my mind this morning. There is so much tragedy in our communities it is hard to cope. I wanted to take time this morning to address the issue. I know it is hard, but let's push for more understanding and acceptance for no understanding at all.

Til next time...

A Call to Decision -- Can You Help?

2009-03-16T23:35:00.000-04:00

Good evening folks. It's been some time since I checked in. So many things have been going on. I feel like my world is moving fast and I cannot stop it. As I mentioned, there are so many things that are happening. So, let's get some things out in the open. I think that is the only way that I am going to sensibly deal with what is going on.

First, I am in the battle of my life with this proposal that Dr. Sessoms and the Board of Trustees is proposing. If you are not aware, my university, the University of the District of Columbia is undergoing a tuition increase battle, an attack on open admissions or admissions standards and the erection of a community college. Students are very upset about the proposed changes and I actually started a petition outlining my discourse with the proposal. This moved to facebook and then to the campus for a rally. The group was named Operation Save UDC. I decided on the name and a student named, Joshua Lopez, joined the effort as a beginning copartner. The group quickly grew in numbers and in support. We were able to move the administration to 100% over two years instead of 100% beginning in the fall. This may not be the best synopsis of the proposal, but for more reference just simply google "udc tuition increase" and you should be able to pull up something, anything, enough to get you caught up.

Well, this effort has taken a lot of energy and frankly I am in a situation where I have to decide whether I should drop courses and alter my semester. I donated so much time and energy that I simply mismanaged my time. So, what do I do? Where do I go from here?

What would you do?

Readers, if you are out there, let me know what you think. This is an opportunity for us to dialogue about important decisions in my life and perhaps your life. Maybe we are one in the same. Maybe you are going through a tough time in your life and need somebody who listens to you.? Well, this is our opportunity. Let's dialogue about the tough decisions and hopefully, I will gain some insight as to what I should do.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Til next time...

Speaking at Oak HIll Today

2009-02-27T05:26:00.001-05:00

Today, I take a visit to Oak Hill Detention Facility. The topic, domestic violence.

For those who are unaware, Oak Hill is a detention facility for youth. There are youth at this facility facing charges from all sorts of crimes. Some have been convicted, but are serving time. But, there is something about this facility that truly gets my attention. I am interested in the attitudes of these young people who face life everyday behind bars. Not sure if you remember, my youngest brother has been convicted for multiple felonies and now is serving a 97 year sentence.

It is unimaginable for me. I could not fathom serving a sentence that long behind bars, but for so many young people and people in general, this is reality. How do we connect? What do we say? Are we there to ease their suffering?

Not sure of all those questions and definitely not sure of the answer. I will not be going to necessarily answer those questions either. More importantly, I want to give these young people an opportunity to see that there is time and opportunity for change. I was afforded an opportunity to turn my life around that is the same attitude I would like to influence the young people to take.

Well, I will keep you up to date on the youth I engaged. I will be joining Michelle, who will be speaking about the death of her daughter as well as loosing members of her family to the violent tragic fire in northeast Washington, D.C. It was the worst fire on record in many years. Kenny Barnes, who lost his son to gunfire will also headline this event. Kenny is founder and CEO of ROOT, Inc., an organization engaged in the community working to stem gun violence.

Til next time...

The Struggle Never Ends, Nor Our Resolve

2009-02-03T20:12:00.000-05:00

It has been some time since I blogged. I have been transitioning into school this semester, work and my personal life. These things take precision and planning. It is quite overwhelming. This is my graduation semester. I am excited and optimistic, but nervous as hell. I was supposed to graduate a year ago. That was quite disappointing. I was really hurt, but I knew I had to pick up the pieces and try again. Here I am, trying again.

Today's blog is a mix. I have some things to share with you.

Recently, a family member was victimized. In fact, two family members were victimized. One of my cousins was shot in a robbery. He was working in a retail store when a gunman walked in with a mask on and demanded money from the register and safe. After my cousin told him that there was no safe and key, he decided to rob everyone, emptying their pockets and taking money from the register. He confiscated $250 and then he shot my cousin. He is still in harm's way. The bullet is still lodged in his back, possibly resting on his spine. This incident took our family by surprise. I have yet to deal with it.

It is only a couple of months since the vicious death of my Godsister, Tiffany Gates.

Next, another family member was molested. I cannot talk in depth about this situation, but we are working hard to deal with the aftermath of such a horrible tragedy.

In the next blog, we will discuss steps to dealing with molestation and I will give you my testimony, at least one of them. I was molested three times.

Til next time...

Brief Hiatus

2009-01-29T08:55:00.001-05:00

I will be taking a brief hiatus to update the look of my blogspot, Conversation with Kellibrew.

Please bare with me as I make changes and upgrades. Thank you for your patience.

Til next time...

A Survivor's Story - Jacqueline Ellison

2009-01-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

Jacqueline gives us her account of survival. I wanted to put this story out again because I think it is important that we continue to reiterate the path of victim to survivor.

As I promised. Jacqueline is with us today. As I mentioned before, Jacqueline has told me her story in bits and pieces, but after reading her responses, I definitely had tears in my eyes. I was so sad to read some of the things that she had to go through and I was also glad that she has her life right now. So many people out there need to hear these stories. Somebody out there needs uplifting. This is a remarkable young lady. I suspect she will be a great star one day. So, here is my interview with Jacqueline.

Kellibrew: Welcome Jacqueline to my blogspot. I reallcy appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to tell us your story of tragedy to triumph. Yours, like so many other stories, need to be heard. So many people out there lack the strength and determination to push forward through tough relationships and abusive situations. I like to have these conversations to show them that there is a way out. So, Thank you for sharing. Tell me, you have told me somewhat about your story and I was simply amazed that you are alive. You have been through a difficult time as a child. What happened that day with your mother getting hit with a hammer? I am sure that was difficult to see.

Jacqueline: I was 11 or 12 years old, I just remember having to commute during my 6th grade year. My mother's family told her to leave or he will kill you and your children. My mother pregnant with my youngest sister and we came back to his home to get the rest of our belongings. I didn't care where we were going just being out of that situation was all I cared about. I just did not want my mother to hurt anymore and so [us] leaving and living in a shelter was the next move for my family and I. I think my stepfather could sense that this was it and I remember him being drunk as usual.

He sent me downstairs for some water and before I could make it up the last set of stairs, I heard a loud thud. He was standing there laughing and my mother was lying on the floor bleeding from her head. Her eyes were closed, she was unresponsive at that point. I had never felt so alone in the world. She lay there lifeless, very pregnant as my middle sister sat on the steps, she had to be about 5 years old. I remember my stepfather chuckling in the hallway telling me "She's fine." and [me] yelling at him calling him the devil and [that] he killed my mother. He eventually picked [her] up from the pool of blood she [had] been lying in and gave her smelling salts. He was now in panic mode and was sweating and trying to revive her. She eventually came to but her face was unrecognizable.

Kellibrew: It really breaks my heart that women and individuals overall have to go through the abuse that your mother suffered, and not to mention your own. Your childhood was a difficult one too. What happened to you as a child that scarred you for life?

Jacqueline:I remember not knowing who my father was and asking my stepfather if I could call him daddy. It was right after my dance performance and he and my mother attended, of course, he was drunk. I just wanted to be normal or at least pretend to be, so once we got him I asked him if I could call him daddy. I remember my mother was downstairs and he called me closer to him. He said sure..."Let me show you what daddy's do". I stood there more paralyzed with shock then fear as he proceeded to put his hands down my panties. I was also molested by 2 uncles in my mother family.I have been raped twice and have dated some men who have either used and abused me sexually. Not all of my relationships were bad, some great but because of my history, I became involved with men who were had there own issues be it sexual or just a lack of regard with interacting with there female counterparts.

I know that most of my history has shaped where I have been in my life and where I am still going, good and bad...hopefully more good. I have since forgiven them all, but the memory still lingers. My stepfather killed himself once he knew my mother was not coming back, I forgive him because I know he was suffering too. As for my uncle's I am sure God will have the final say, I just pray that they are able to recognize the error in [their] actions.

Kellibrew: You could be so many places, doing so many negative things. What keeps you motivated to keep striving in life? Tell me, how do you do it?

Jacqueline: God, he is the reason I am here. I did have some pitfalls and even attempted suicide at 14. I missed a year of school because I spent it in the phyciatric ward. I remember once I was released I told God I would make the best of the life I had been given. I have a young son now and he is even more reason to push everyday. I continue to give back by volunteering in areas where victims and survivors can benefit from my story.

Kellibrew: Right, you do have a child, how old is he and what do you teach him since you have dealt with the trials and tribulations of turbulent relationships? What does he learn from you?

Jacqueline: My son is only 15 months old and even though he is a baby there is always room for correction. Between he and my nephew I do my best to let them know how to interact with the opposite sex. Even though my son is young he sometimes plays rough with little girls. He already knows the word "gentle and nice" when I correct him as he plays with any little girl. Service, compassion, faith, respect, love among a host of other things will be reinforced daily in my household. I think for young children boys and girls alike need to have a safe enviorment and constant unconditional love reinforced daily. Abuse comes in so many forms and being aware and educated defiantly helps break the cycle.

Kellibrew: I know this is difficult to talk about, but I wanted to acknowledge your role in the late Tiffany Gates' life, my God-sister and friend. She was one of your best confidantes. I remember you being devastated to hear the news. Watching you react to her death made it real that day for me. I was literally in shock. I could not believe it. I said, "Not our Tiffany!"

You had to recently do her make-up and basically reconstruct her face because of the damage done by her killer. First tell us, how did you get yourself to do the make-up? It was probably one of the hardest things you ever had to do. Also, how has it been dealing with your best friend's death?

Jacqueline: I loved her so much and for so long, 18 years and still to this day. I had knots in my stomach when I knew I had to do her makeup. As friends we had all made our funeral requests in advance and so being her friend I had to honor the part I knew I had. That is what you do for the people you love, It was my last chance to talk to her, be with her...to take care of her and pamper her one last time. I am not going to lie she looked like she had really struggled and just having to see her that close in the condition she was in broke my heart. There was no going back, she was gone and I really miss her everyday. I tell her I am sorry for what happened to her, I am sorry I did not get a chance to hug and kiss her before I left that Wednesday. I have had some trouble sleeping a couple of nightmares but I continue to ask God to keep me. I worry a little more about one of my best friend who is actually your sister. I worry that she may leave me early too and I askGod to watch over my loved ones constantly. I find that because of my issues with death, it plays a big part in my day to day life.

Kellibrew: What's next? In terms of coping with Tiffany's death and having gone through so much yourself, what are your next steps in life? What's your passion and what are you doing to fulfill your passion?

Jacqueline: My passion has always been the arts, it has always been my release from the craziness of this world. I plan to continue my efforts to raise awareness for victims and survivors. There is still a song in my heart so eventually returning to the stage is in my future. "Never Forget" I am adopting that for my own personal motto. Never forget Tiffany, myself, friends, family, the struggle, the triumph. I feel if you never forget you have no excuse but to press on.

Kellibrew: I want to thank you so much for sharing. Believe me, I know how difficult it is. I simply wanted to bring you on the blogspot today because someone has gone through and continues to go through what you have already experienced. Thank God you and your mother got through. I know that by being here today, someone was tapped with some support and strength to make a change today. They see a wonderful young lady who bounced back and stood resilient against the odds. Thank you Jacqueline as always for your time, energy and kindrid spirit. I hope I can get you on sometime in the future to continue our dialogue and get an update. I am sure our readers would love to keep up with you.

Jacqueline: Thank you and I love you. I pray that someone reads this and [are] moved to take action, be it in there own life or someone elses.

Kellibrew: That wraps up our interview with Jacqueline. Be inspired out there. I am excited about our next guest. I will give you the scoop in the next blog. For now, be safe and Happy Holidays, by the way.

Til next time.

A New Day, A New Opportunity

2009-01-11T08:03:00.000-05:00

This motto was the motto used by my university president. Anyone who knows me, knows that I like the word opportunity. I took this motto to heart. I owned it.

With every dawning day comes an opportunity for us to make a difference. We can make a difference in our own lives and we can make a difference in someone else's life. Whichever we choose, a change can be made.

Some time ago, I mentioned that I would start a more healthier diet and exercise regularly. Well, you would be proud. I am exercising and I have changed my diet. I choose healthier food. I do have some help though. I have a personal trainer who is an excellent source. I can totally see him in Hollywood or on some boot camp show making people run and loose weight. Nonetheless, he is an inspiration. He is already physically fit and has the look to which I aspire. But, the main thing is, I have made changes.

I did not wait until the new year though. I said that change can come at any time and when it is necessary to make the changes, you have to make them. There are not any exceptions. We must immediately make the change that we need to make. I decided to be healthier. What are you deciding to change?

Do not wait. We are not promised tomorrow and nor are we promised the next second. Putting off what you can do today for tomorrow is an unwise choice. Make that change.

I would really like your comments on this one. Tell me about the changes you have made.

Remember, today is a new day and a new opportunity.

Til next time...

Hope - Unseen, But Ever So Present

2009-01-09T06:22:00.000-05:00

Good morning. We have some wonderful interviews coming up. They are simply inspiring. You will certainly learn from them and hopefully share them with others to inspire them. After all, what good is information not shared? Let's share the wealth of opportunity and information so that others may benefit.

Today is an odd day for me. I do not have much to say, but I am up early and trying to figure out the message. Then I thought. Things are really looking up for me. I am at a good point in life where I realise how grateful I am to be alive. A good friend of mine thanked me yesterday for something I did for her. I was ever so grateful.

I surely did not extend myself to get a thank you. I practiced giving without even thinking of receiving. The gratification I did recieve though, was ensuring that I did not see her hungry or her child hungry. Often, when someone commits an act of kindness, the person receiving may feel strange and quite dependent. In this case, she said she dropped her pride and accepted what I had to offer. I thought that was courageous for her. After she has been through so much in life, she still has the determination and hope to keep going. When she told me she was close to giving up, I was happy that she saw hope in sight, reached out, and grabbed hold of it.

Today's message is all about HOPE. Somehow, someway, we have to believe in something. We have to believe in ourselves. Hope is that which guides us to our success. Hope is that which guides us to our accomplished mission. When you think that all else has failed, reach deep inside of you. Find that very ounce of passion. Find that very ounce of strength and use it to dig yourself right out of pain, misery, sadness, despair and trouble. Try to see the positive in things.

Easier said than done, right? I have been in the bed for days, believe me. I have wanted to die before. I lived a self-destructive life. I know what it feels like to loose everything and have to find a way to survive. I often revert back to the day I lost my mom and brother. That day I lost hope and then gained it back again. Hope would continue to evade me throughout my teenage years, but I finally got on track. Well, it was some years later, but I did it. How?

I saw hope in mentors. I saw hope in friends. I saw hope in role models on television, in books, in movies. Expose yourself. You are bound to see the kind of hope you can use for yourself if you go beyond your normal and daily routine. For instance, I travel extensively. I travel outside the country. And, believe me. There is plenty out there to influence you positively.

Hope, the very essence of our survival. When we stop hoping, we stop breathing. Breath is what keeps us alive. So, every ounce of our breath should be used to build on our hope for the next breath.

Do something nice for someone today. Extend your heart out to someone else. Give someone a compliment. Whether they appreciate it or not is not up to you. The part that you have control over is the compliment. Give it. Do not expect anything from it. Just give it. Then, find someone else to give it to. You may see that the hope you gave to someone else just may be the hope that you need.

Have a wonderful day. You can make that happen.

Til next time...

Mildred Muhammad - Up Close and Personal

2009-01-06T22:21:00.001-05:00

Greetings.

I have a repeat today. I wanted to recognize Guns Aside Month in Washington, D.C. by bringing back a familiar guest, Mildred Muhammad. I really appreciate this interview. It is full or resources and direction for all of us. Enjoy the read.

(Previous Interview)

Today, we are meeting with Mildred Muhammad. What I love about my good friend Mildred is that she is absolutely a humble woman. You would think a woman like her would never be able to help others. We almost expect that in our society. After trauma, many people turn to violence as the answer. But, Mildred took that energy and made an example out of her life. She is strong, vibrant and quite charismatic. She is raising her children and is about helping her community, especially through her knowledge in domestic violence. My interview with Mildred starts now.

Kellibrew: First and foremost, thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to dialogue with you. We have been dialoguing for about a month now and it just seems like yesterday my god-sister Tiffany Gates, just died. You immediately reached out to me and that really put a lot of things in perspective for me. There were many who reached out to me and my family and I appreciate them all. What made you reach out to me? I mean, you have been through so much yourself and you are such a busy person.

Muhammad: Thank you William for this opportunity to share information as well. I have my yahoo alert set on ‘domestic violence’ stories which I receive and read daily. There are some people I reach out to, just to thank them for having the courage to speak up. To encourage them and let them know they are not alone. That’s the most important concern for me is not having that feeling of being alone. And with all I’ve been through, I know that others may feel that way too. It’s important that those going through an abusive situation know that they are not alone. I reached out to you for the same reason. Your story touched my heart so much. I was so sorry to read about your immediate family and then your special friend. I wanted you to know that you are not alone, and all that you’ve done and are doing, I’m sure your mother is very proud of you.

Kellibrew: Thanks again. Those are really warm words and I appreciate them. You were definitely right. I did need somebody there and you have helped me tremendously. It’s so good to know there are people out there willing to reach outside of themselves to help another person. I am sure readers would like to know what you are doing right now. You are leading an organisation, right? Can you tell us about your organisation and what is your role in the community?

Muhammad: Yes, that is correct. My organization is After The Trauma. We assist victims and survivors of domestic violence through counseling and referrals so they can find their way out of their situation and stabilize where they are now. You can visit the website, http://www.afterthetrauma.org/ to browse the programs we offer. I speak locally and nationally on my story in particular and domestic violence in general at conferences, seminars, and workshops. My story is about the domestic violence most people don’t pay attention to. And that is verbal, mental, spiritual, economic, stalking and emotional. 20% of domestic violence is physical. 80% is not. 75% of victims that leave are killed. 25% of victims that leave survive, but barely.

Kellibrew: That’s some great information. Readers, please go to the website. You will learn so much. You know, Mildred, we really clicked from the very beginning, but I must admit, I was so anxious to meet you because the D.C. Sniper case simply jolted the D.C. area, the nation, and the world. My friends from overseas still talk about this case today. They were concerned for my safety and the safety of everyone in our area. I cannot imagine being in the situation you were in. You obviously lived in a world of fear for years.

Your story is so much like my mother’s. As you know, she was killed along with my brother by her ex-boyfriend. We lived with this killer for 7 months, but unbelievably, you were married to John Allen Muhammad for over 12 years. How on God’s green earth did you ever survive as long as you did? Also, during one of our previous conversations you mentioned that death for you was almost eminent. Can you take us back to a point when you were absolutely concerned for your life and your children’s lives?

Muhammad: Let me say that for the 23 days John had this area in a grip, everyone walked in the shoes of a victim and survivor of domestic violence. Remember the fear you felt on a daily basis? Not knowing if you were going to live or die that day? That is EXACTLY how we feel. It takes time to get over that kind of fear. I lived under that kind of fear from September 1999 to October 24, 2002.

As I’m answering this question, I remember that fear and how much I wanted someone to help and believe me, but no one did. It is so painful to go through that and no one understands. Others look at you like you are crazy. Which is the fuel I burn when I think of helping others who may find themselves in this situation. This is not a job for me…this is my passion, my life. I will continue in the work until I die. I believe this is where God wants me to be. I’ve accepted that and will continue to do all I can not to turn women away. I survived by listening to my spirit. By believing that God was going to bring me through because everyone I’d gone to for help, turned their backs on me because I didn’t have the physical scars to prove that I was a victim of domestic violence. My children and I were the first victims. And yet, we have received no compensation from any agency to help us get back on our feet. That I still find difficult to accept.

How many women are walking around in a domestic violence situation and need help but are unable to receive it because they can’t prove the abuse without the scars. People blamed me for the shootings. They said that me and my children were not victims, I should have stayed on the west coast and then the people on the east coast would be alive. They said had I stayed with him, then he would have only killed me. The shootings were [part of] a very detailed plan to kill me. Innocent people died because John didn’t want my murder to come back on him. My heart goes out to the victims’ families. I am so sorry for their loss. The police are now saying the random shootings was a cover for my death. He would come in as the grieving father to get custody of our children and walk away with the $100,000 compensation they were giving the victims’ families at that time. Again, me or my children have not been compensated for our victimization. I was concerned for my life in 1999 when John and I separated. His behavior became irrational. He said to me, “You have become my enemy and as my enemy I will kill you.” John is a man of his word. He is not an idle talker. He says what he means, and he means what he says. I knew that it would be a matter of time for him to bring that into fruition.

Kellibrew: Wow. I am so glad you made it through. Your story is powerful for those who are going through similar trauma. It takes a remarkable person to struggle and get through what you have been through. We both know how much it takes to rebuild our lives as victims and now survivors. Essentially, you were living with the enemy. What was the defining point or moment for you? When did you know to leave or were you absolutely forced to leave?

Muhammad: My defining point was when he said, “You have become my enemy and as my enemy I will kill you.” John’s personal motto was/is never leave an enemy behind. After I received my lifetime restraining order in February 2000, we established weekend child visitation to occur every other weekend so he could see our children. It was just until we went to court to establish a parenting plan of who would legally have the children. The weekend of March 22, 2000, was his weekend. A friend of ours picked up the children and they were to be brought back on that Monday because it was my Mom’s birthday. To make a long story short, he didn’t bring them home. My son told me later that they boarded a plane that night and headed for Antigua. I would also find out that he emptied our bank accounts. He left me and my mother penniless. It would be 18 months before I saw my children again. That’s a long time to go without knowing where your children are.

Kellibrew: What heartache for a mother. I am sure mothers out there can identify. There was another child involved in this situation, a young man by the name of Lee Boyd Malvo. This young man was also convicted of charges stemming from the killings. Had you ever met Lee Boyd Malvo?

Muhammad: I have never met Lee Malvo. The first time I've seen him was at his trial when I testified on his behalf because my children asked me to help him. They stated that if it had not been for Daddy, Lee would not be there.

Kellibrew: Thank you for sharing. That took a lot of courage and compassion. Who was he and why did he have an affinity to John Allen Muhammad? How much influence did John have over this young man?

Muhammad: What most people don't know is Lee and my son were best friends. When John kidnapped them and took them to Antigua, they met Lee. He became a part of their family and was considered the 'big brother'. When their dad would leave them in Antigua to come back to the states to find me, he left Lee in charge to care for them until he returned. John had the same influence over Lee as a father would have over this own son.

Kellibrew: When you lived with John, did he seem like he could be manipulative and how were you convinced of this, if so?

Muhammad: John's behavior changed when he returned from the Gulf War in 1991. Before this, he did not have these behaviors. He was not debriefed nor did he receive counseling when he returned.

Kellibrew: This is an issue. Here we are on the dawn of a war, the war in Iraq. We also have the war in Afghanistan and the war on terror. These wars have a tremendous impact on our soldiers and soldiers’ families. The effect of these wars may spawn other violence such as John’s case. God bless our soldiers who are defending us and we need to make sure that they are taken care of when they come back home. They have seen so much and have been exposed to violence that some of us will never witness. Counseling should be absolutely mandatory or required. It is important to talk about what they experienced. Counseling may be able to prevent some of the issues that stem from stress suffered from the war. Some of our readers are in relationships now where danger is eminent and it is so hard to get out. My heart goes out to those individuals. What do you recommend these individuals do to try to get out of the relationships? Is there a step-by-step process?

Muhammad: You have to have a plan to leave. Click on this link: http://www.afterthetrauma.org/PersonalizedSafetyPlan.pdf

It will take you directly to a comprehensive safety plan. Do not take this plan home for the abuser to see. If you don’t work outside your home, print it out, complete and give it to someone you trust to hold. Modify it as often as you need. In step 8, there is a list of items you should put away. Again, give these items to someone you trust. Don’t tell everyone what you are doing. You don’t know who the abuser knows. Once you have your plan in place, you will know when to leave. If you are not in a position to plan and feel you have to leave now…that’s a difficult position to be in. Not impossible, just difficult. If you have good friends and family to stay with, that is a blessing. Get to them as soon as you can and call the police. If you are financially stable on your own, check into a hotel or motel, call the police for help and an advocate will be assigned to you. This safety plan is very thorough. It’s a fill in the blank. As you complete it, it will come together for you. Above all, stop reacting and start acting. Call the police for help. Try to think clearly when making decisions that will alter you whole life. This is a life altering experience. You will never be the same again.

Kellibrew: I think it is so important to be cognizant of who your choice for dates are. There are ways to know if a person is not right for you and that they might be abusive down the road. What are some of the signs that we should look for in order to detect violent behavior, early, before the cycle begins or continues?

Muhammad: The signs are so different. And once the person is found out, they change their behavior. There are many sites that offer this information. One of the ways I can advise someone to do is to watch the behavior of the person you are involved with. The Bible says to recognize the spirits when they come. So that means to be watchful. When your gut tells you something is wrong…something is wrong. Do not ignore your instincts. God gave all of us ways to recognize those situations in our lives that will cause problems. Sometimes we listen, sometimes we don’t. That’s why we often times say, I should have listened to my first mind. That is your spirit warning you that there is a problem.

Kellibrew: What can people do to protect their family members out there who may be getting abused? And what can strangers do as well when they see violence occurring in their environment?

Muhammad: There is only one question that should be asked when you know someone is being abused, whether you know them or not. That question is ‘how can I help’. Do not play the hero. And do not assume you know what the victim wants to do. That is an empowering question. You may be the only one that has asked the victim what he/she wants to do. Others have been telling her/him what they should or shouldn’t do. Often when that is the case, she will not contact you again because now you have become a part of the problem. You are not listening. You sound just like the abuser. If you are not able to help or want to [help] after finding out the information, then give that person resource information. The list attached is things you should and should not say to victims and survivors.

Kellibrew: Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers about the issue of violence that we may have missed?

Muhammad: Thank you so much for this opportunity. I hope what we’ve said will assist someone who finds themselves in this situation. After The Trauma is here to help. I know this is a terrible economic time we are in. Imagine for a minute what it feels like for a victim or survivor. After The Trauma is a 501©3 organization. All donations are tax deductible. Please donate $5.00 or more to assist us with helping the very people that need it so much. You will receive a receipt upon the completion of your donation. The link is provided for your convenience, http://www.afterthetrauma.org/donate.html

Society has forgotten us and no one really wants to hear about this issue. Domestic violence does not have a religion, financial or educational status, race, creed, culture. It can happen to anyone at any time, men, women and children. I’ve written a survivor’s journal that can be purchased from my site. The link is http://www.afterthetrauma.org/myjournal.html.

As the former wife of John Allen Muhammad, I've felt no one could handle my 'emotions'. I knew I had to get them outside of myself to heal. I began journaling and found more emotions I didn't realize existed. I couldn't tell anyone because I felt ashamed, guilty, and thought no one would believe me anyway. But...writing them down gave me the opportunity to truly focus on my pain and how these emotions were affecting my everyday living. My book is being published and will be released October 2009 by Simon and Schuster. The title is “Scared Silent”. There are many errors out there about this situation. My book will correct those errors and shed more light on the entire situation. Thank you again for this opportunity.

Kellibrew: Mildred, you are so welcome as always. I cannot thank you enough for agreeing to tell your story on my blogspot. There is somebody out there who needs this uplift and information you have shared. There are so many young woman who share Tiffany Gates' fear out there. There are so many Mildred Muhammads out there. Tiffany may be gone from earth, God bless her soul, but You have a choice while you are alive. I am buying my sister, and another friend, and me, our survival journal right now. Thanks Mildred. Well, there you have it. This concludes my interview with Mildred and don’t worry, I know she will be back. I have also written an article for her monthly newsletter. If you want to be plugged in, don’t forget to go to her website http://www.afterthetrauma.org/. You will find a wealth of information geared to save your life or someone else’s. I added the list of things to say and not to say to victims per Mildred’s request. You will find them below.

Til next time.

GOOD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

T How can I help you?

T What can I do for you?

T I’m sorry.

T What happened is not your fault.

T I believe you.

T Your case is important/unique.

T Are you safe?

T Do you have any concerns about your safety?

T Who else have your spoken to?

T Would you like a referral for further victim assistance?

T Can I make any calls for you?

T Do you need anything else?

T If you do, contact me at....

T I know this is one more interruption in your life.

T If you have a serious problem or crisis, dial 911.

T You are not going crazy.

T I can’t imagine, but...

T I can’t possibly understand what you are going through, but I’m going to try and help you.

T I don’t know, but I’ll find out.

T How are you doing?

T Let’s see if we can figure out your most important needs right now.

T I’m glad you called.

BAD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

T I know how you feel.

T I understand what you’re going through.

T Why???

T Why were you....didn’t you...?

T Your case reminds me of another victim I dealt with...

T As a general rule of thumb...

T It’s God’s will (or any religious platitude).

T Move on, put it behind you.

T You need to get over it/ get on with your life.

T I can promise you that will happen for sure.

T If I were in your shoes....

T You’re so strong...

T You’re so lucky...

T At least you weren’t hurt.

T You should forgive.

T Time heals all wounds.

T Why didn’t you.....?

T It could be worse.

T What you need is.....

T Get over it. Get on with your life.

T You’re not the only victim I’m trying to help.

T Offenders aren’t really bad people...

T The poor defendant had a really tough childhood....

T Nothing at all.

T Avoid using generalizations.

T Avoid comparisons with other victims or cases.

Time to Make That Vital Change in Life - You Can Do It!

2009-01-04T09:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I made good on my promise to finally work toward my goal of getting healthier as well as physically fit. My workout was an hour and boy was I under pressure.

I started off with a jog on the treadmill with my homeboy Brandon and my personal trainer, Jamar. I worked out with Jamar before and I know that he pushes me to the limit. That's good for me, but it does hurt.

We then went to some "core excercises", with crunches and running exercises, holding balls while doing squats. Of course, I do not give this regiment justice by names, but you know what I mean when I say that I was hurting at the end. But, it felt good.

After, we ate oatmeal. I ate it without sugar, butter and milk. It was pretty good, especially Grandma's oatmeal.

My diet has changed. I have cut out alcohol, fried foods, bread, meat and a host of other things. I am eating tofu, fruits and lots of water, among many other choices. I am told to follow Ian Smith's Smash Diet.

Folks, by July, I should look like I feel, great! If you are thinking about loosing weight, getting on track with your health, consult a professional. No need going at it alone. No need to figure this out yourself. Get others involved in your goals. It feels great to have support.

I feel much better today, physically. I know that has a lot to do with my mental state, but I still feel healthier already by the choice that I made to get healthier. I still have to jog today and of course I am on my way to meditation at the Art of Living Foundation.

Make a change and stick to it. Remember, it's that "-" between the time you were born until the time you expire on earth, that truly is the legacy that you leave. That "-" is riddled with either proaction or reaction. You have a choice.

Til next time...

The Fighting in Gaza - We Need A Peaceful Solution

2009-01-04T02:34:00.000-05:00

I must offer some thoughts on the fighting in Gaza. As I see the fighting, continuous mortar and rocket fire, and the ground assault, I am concerned. The violence is absolutely unacceptable. We cannot continue to fight this way. How can we bring about a peace in the world through so much violence. There will be years of tension and rifts to come. This tension could possibly spur into more wars. The Palestinians and Israelis have been fighting for 40 years. There has to come a time when the fighting gets tiring and must end.

Since the security council of the United Nations will not issue a statement, as citizens of this country and world, we must denounce this violence and ask for a cease-fire from both sides. The MiddleEast conflict affects us all, whether we know it or not. Let's push our government to work hard for a resolution. Obviously, the answer will not come from within the two warring parties. The resolution will only come with all parties discussing and putting everything on the table, including the United States.

Let's pray for the citizens of both countries who are affected by the violence. It is a diar situation in that region. We must pray for a peaceful end. What are your thoughts?

Til next time...

After the Lights Are Out...Are You Working?

2009-01-02T14:48:00.000-05:00

It's a new year, 2009. You made resolutions and if you did not, are you still working hard?

After all of the lights are out and the fireworks are gone, there is still work to do. Today, I woke up in an excellent mood, but I feel like there is still so much to do.

The new year hides the work that we have to do. Our work is masked beneath the celebration and really continues through. Mentally we try to separate the two years, but actually, I did the opposite.

I joined them together. I did a lot of planning in 2008 that will help me to be better prepared for 2009. The same projects remain, but at another level of the planning and project process.

My point here is regardless of what we thought about new year, it is how we perceive it. It is a new start for some and for others, another day. I appreciate the new year, but I appreciate the day before and especially the day after. Let's make each day work for us. Let's not wait for big defining moments. Let's define our own moments in time. Perhaps your new year is today?

Til next time...

Some New Year's Eve Thoughts

2008-12-31T12:47:00.000-05:00

Folks, we have some amazing interviews coming up. We have a young man who has weathered the storm. We have a young lady who has been through the ringer and has persevered. Amazing stories to read, simply amazing.

As we approach the New Year, ever so closely, let's be mindful that there are many people out there who are in need of some assistance from us. Not everyone will be celebrating the new year, some will have their lives turned up side down. Let's be on the look out for people who may be down and out and may need a helping hand. So, as we celebrate, take an extra moment out of your time to reach out.

Also, be very careful. Carry little cash as possible and be very safe. Safety is the number one key. The holidays can be deceiving. While everyone is having a good time, there are some who will prey on holiday goers. Do not be deceived.

Institute the buddy system. Have someone with you every step of the way during your celebration. Do not be caught up in the "hype" and get lost or find yourself in dangerous situations. Those of us who have been hurt traumatically and those who face difficult odds sometimes look for affection and love in many places. This is the time to be diligent about your safety. Rely on your family and friends to be there for you this holiday season.

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season and a very special Happy New Year. Thanks as always for reading.

Til next time...

You Can Do Better! Why Settle?

2008-12-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

We can do better. Why settle?

Now, some would ask, "Why settle for less?"

Well, we find ourselves in situations where we are so in love or so into someone and they seem like the right person, but find out that this may not be true. Sometimes we are so interested in the one we love that we forget our own standards. We forget what morals and values we learned when we were growing up. Or did we forget? Some of us have not forgotten, it's what we see and what we saw as a child.

I learned in biology/pre-med that most of our values, characteristics, etc. are learned before the age of 7. We are who we are because of what we learned before that age. Since we were so impressionable, some of us have learned some interesting things. I want to take you back in the day when I was a child. This will help to explain why I have accepted things and in certain instances have settled. I even settle today for some things, but tonight, I am excited about my options and my strength to not settle and want better. What do I mean?

Well, I grew up in a pretty violent household. My mother took her frustrations out on us as children. Honestly, I thought that everyone grew up in a household where beatings were normal. I was mentioning to a friend tonight that my mother used to "whip" me badly and then take me in the bathroom and then apologise. Wow, I was definitely confused. I mean, why beat me if an apology was forthcoming? It confused me. My mother went through so many emotional spurts. She was in a turbulent relationship with my father and when he was in prison, she went through a turbulent relationship with friends. I mean, do not get me wrong. She had great relationships, but I often saw arguments, fun, dancing, fighting, etc. Life was great for her, she thought. She was a young person. She was only 30 when she died. I can relate, I am near her age now. I still have childhood tendencies, lol. I do.

Growing up with all of these influences around you will certainly shape your world as you grow. After my mother was killed, I was influenced by my grandmother and peers mostly, but it was almost too late. I was heavily influenced by my childhood. First, I was molested several times, once horrifically. Something I would never wish on a child. Today, I look back on these times and I am so glad to be alive. There is space for rehabilitation and true rebuilding of your life.

In some parts of my life, I have settled for mediocrity though. I have settled for things that I know I do not approve of. But, it's difficult, right? It's just so damn difficult. Let's take my weight for instance. I did not grow up eating healthy food. We grew up eating the soul food and other food that is simply listed in the worst food category -- fried chicken on a consistent basis. I mean, my diet is not good at all. I rarely exercise now. At least when I was on the tennis team, I exercised regularly. I feel like Oprah. I have got to come clean about that. I am definitely not perfect and I want to make that clear.

We have to work to get better. We can do better. We have to hold ourselves more accountable. It's necessary to preserve our lives. I would love to have more years on earth to be a positive force. But, that starts with making decisions right now that enhance our lives. No matter what, we must aim. As I continue to blog, I will reveal my plan. Please stick with me. You will see. With you and me working together, accountability will creep in our lives and hold steady.

You know, when I blog, I am not just talking to you. I am talking about the things that I have gone through in life and what I am going through right now. Life can be difficult sometimes, especially for those of us who've suffered tragedy. We have to fight that much harder in order to survive and push ourselves to do better.

Believe me, I am down on myself sometimes and I cannot hide that. I want to be honest on this blogsite because life is a journey. It's the only route we have in order to be born and then move on to the next level. Remember, birth - growth - maturity - decline - death? That's the physical journey, but even in decline, we can grow. We can define this timeline for ourselves.

So, we are in this journey together. And no matter what, we must press on.

I cannot help but think about my Godsister tonight and her battle with her ex-boyfriend who killed her. She fought to the end. Evident by her bruises, her nails with blood under them, her hands and her face -- she fought. She wanted to live. We cannot wait until death is staring us in the face to make a change. Tiffany was at her last stand for survival and she lost the physical battle. However, her battle is not hers alone. It is the battle of all of ours. We must work hard to avoid last ditch efforts to stay alive. Let's give ourselves options.

Why settle for hurt? Why settle for pain? It does not feel good at all. Why settle for someone who does not value the goodness in us? Why settle for someone who does not support us positively? We can make that change. We can do better.

Reach out. We cannot expect someone to reach us. We have to help. Let's reach out for some assistance to get our lives on a positive track. I am committed. The ball is in your court.

Why settle? We can do much better.

Til next time.

For One Night - Dodging Disaster - What's Your Next Step?

2008-12-28T05:01:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was headed to the Giant, a grocery store chain, to get a few grocery items when I witnessed a couple walking down the street arguing. I passed them, but pulled aside to look in my rear view mirror. I saw them going back in forth at each other with what seemed like verbal abuse. There were some jerks, pulls and the male actually raised his fist as if we was going to hit the female. That's when I turned around and headed back in my car.

I followed them safely at a distance. After watching the male continuously threaten the female, I stopped my vehicle and from a distance asked if the female was okay. She seemed afraid to answer so I called the police. After seeing two police cars about a block away, I decided to drive down to the police officers and bring them back to the altercation.

When we arrived, he was boarding a bus and she was outside the bus, dropping her coins on the ground -- mostly pennies.

The police officer stopped the bus and asked the female (probably 17 years of age) if she was okay. She said that she was alright and did not want to press charges. She seemed scared. The male even came to the front of the bus and asked me, "What are you? The good samaritan?"

Although I did not answer, I felt good in that one moment. His perception was on target. He could see in my actions that I was truly concerned about this young lady's welfare and safety.

The officer let the bus continue and asked the young lady if she needed a ride to the subway station. She declined. I then proceeded to tell her about my mother and brother and Tiffany Gates, my Godsister. She thanked me. I told her that somebody cares about you. I told her that there are signs in a relationship when someone loves you and does not love you. Giving you flowers and showing how much they care could be signs of love. But, walking down the street being threatened is not a sign of love. That is a sign that someone would hurt you. I told her that she deserves better than that. I told her that she has a choice. She should not be chosen. She has a choice. But, it is up to her to choose or be chosen. I wished her success. That was the end of our conversation.

The officer said that the community often sees the police as enemies. I agreed. I told the officer that I view him as a brother or father, etc. He has family too.

What frightened me about last night was what could have happened. All I could think about was my mother and brother being pulled down the street before she was killed in 1984. No one did anything. No one tried to help. The police were far behind in being contacted. At least that's what I thought. It was another day in the neighbourhood. "Just another walk in the park."

I was literally scared for the young lady's life last night. It is so hard to see that kind of violence and not help. I do realise that helping could certainly put me in harm's way, but saving someone is more important to me. For instance, several years ago there was an accident on my street.

A van crashed head-on into a lamp post leaving the vehicle smoking and fluid was everywhere. The van was severely mangled in the front. I heard children crying and screaming. No one would go near the van because they feared the van would blow up. Well, I ran instinctively to rescue the children I heard. I went to the driver's side and the woman driving was unconscious. I then went to the passenger side and the door was jammed and mangled. I then went to the rear doors and tried to get them open. Someone came over and helped by this time. We finally got the doors open and pulled the children and woman to safety, away from the van.

The little girl in my arms was in terrible shape. There was glass in her eye and her hip bone was outside of her skin. She was in shock. I could recognize it easily. I spoke to her calmly and she answered back. After going to the hospital with her and seeing her cared for, I felt good about the situation. Now, I do not consider myself a vigilante or good samaritan or anything, but there are these times in life we must act. A child screaming is a good reason to go to the rescue. With a bit of calculated risk about our own safety, we must act. But, in this case, it was either I wanted to save them and risk being blown up or not save them and risk being on earth in regret. I could not be left in fear. My concern was too deep.

We will not be able to save everyone, but if it is in your power, you must save someone given your experience and training. If you are a great swimmer and someone is drowning in a pool, you should jump in and save them provided you can get the victim to safety, circumstances may play a major role though, so evaluate first.

There are ways we can act in domestic violence cases. Go to afterthetrauma.org. Mildred Muhammad, the D.C. Sniper's ex-wife helps us with things that we can do to protect ourselves and deal with cases like the one above with the young lady needing help. One thing is true though, we have to want help.

Find that strength in you. Find that ounce of hope and cling to it. There is someone out there reading this post today that knows what I am talking about. Cling to that hope and work on that strength inside you. You will find it will grow. Even if it is a secret that you are strong inside, find that strength and do not tell anyone you do not trust completely. Go to Mildred's site and work your way to safety.

There are people out here who care. We are concerned for your welfare.

And if you are safe, God bless you. You are like me. Strong enough to be a survivor. I have found enough strength in me to help you in any way that I can.

According to the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department, there were over 12,500 domestic related calls to 911 in the first half of 2007.

For the second half of 2008, last night, I made one of those calls.

I slept better last night. Thanks for reading.

Til next time...

Why Wait for the New Year to Make Changes? Nothing's Promised to You.

2008-12-27T09:57:00.000-05:00

It's a great day once again. Christmas has nearly settled down and we are about to enter a new year. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am usually in another country during this time. However, I will be in the U.S. for New Year. I am in a toss up between a few major cities, but I am definitely not going to be caught in New York dead or alive. It's just too crowded for me. I love New York, but not on New Years. I would rather my new year be one that I can use for reflection and planning. So, what are you going to do for the new year? What are you planning for the next year(s)?

Well, I am geared up. I do not like to plan new year resolutions. I believe that if you want to make changes, you have to make them right away or plan for the change. It's great to start at new year, but you will find yourself having to wait days to make changes that you need to make right away and continue the momentum through the new year. That's what I am doing.

I have already made some meaningful decisions in my life. One of them is to work harder and smarter. I need to consolidate the projects that I have, get rid of some and recommit to others.

I am too busy and I realise this. I also need to take time for myself -- productive time.

I read this article on Mr. Obama this morning. His workout plan is simply marvelous. His determination is admirable. He started his plan at 22 years of age at Columbia University. He started jogging 3 miles a day and has used his physical exercise plan to enhance his mental state. He feels good about himself.

Now, I have had some trouble exercising. I am trying to get myself motivated to do this exercise thing. I tried one day a couple of weeks ago with a personal trainer to get motivated, but after that, I was not enthused anymore. I know my physical health is important so I have to get in shape.

Hey, how about now? Let's do this together. If we are going to get in shape, we have to do it now. Forget waiting until the new year!

Okay, I am making some changes.

First, it starts with going to bed early in order to get up early. This is going to be hard for me since I work well at night and through the night. So, I will have to get a good nap if I want to stay up late. But, a good start would be to go to bed early through the weekdays. That's a good compromise.

On Sundays through Thursdays, I will go to bed by 10:00 p.m. I will get up no later than 5:00 a.m., leave a post on this blogspot by 7:00 a.m. That's how I will hold myself accountable.

So, I think this is enough for now. I will increase this to actually getting out of the house to excercise. I will start jogging first because that is the easiest thing to do. For one hour, I will jog, at least five days a week with an increase to 6 in due time.

I have my plan. Now it's time to work the plan.

I will let you know what happens.

Silly me, I am off tonight, it's Saturday night, lol.

How about a test run for tomorrow? Great, I will be in touch.

Join me, will you?

Til next time...

Boxing Day in Scotland

2008-12-26T19:07:00.000-05:00

Every year for the past four years I have travelled to Scotland for Christmas and New Year. But, there was another day added to my celebration list. Boxing Day? I also celebrated Boxing Day in Scotland on the 26th of December. Actually, Boxing Day was more fun than Christmas and New Year. To me, it was when families came together and celebrated the day after Christmas. It was wonderful to meet up with so many of my "brother", Tommy's family in Scotland. Today, I received a traditional Boxing Day call from Scotland. There was a queue of family members waiting to speak to me on the telephone. I was in tears. I miss Scotland in the winter. So, what is boxing day? Add my meaning and you will have a complete idea of what Boxing Day is. I actually celebrated Boxing Day today by helping a friend out and giving a gift to someone who is in need.

What is Boxing Day?

Boxing Day is a day the higher classes gave gifts to the lower classes. Before or on December 25th people of similar class would exchange gifts to celebrate the Christmas season. Gifts were not exchanged with the lower class until the next day called Boxing Day. It is also known as St. Stephen’s Day.

Why is the holiday named Boxing Day?

The holiday is named Boxing Day because the tradition of giving gifts of cash, food, clothing and other goods to the less fortunate were placed into boxes for easier transportation. The goods were distributed based on the family needs and their services to the giver.

Who celebrates Boxing Day?

Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Britain, and other Commonwealth Countries celebrate Boxing Day on December 26th.

Purpose of Teaching the Origin and History of Boxing Day

Boxing Day officially began in England in the middle of the 19 century under the rule of Queen Victoria. However, many adults and children do not know the true meaning of Boxing Day and its reasons for celebrating. It was a day to thank the community for all their effort throughout the years. The maids, drivers and other service workers were thanked with gifts of food, money, clothing, and other goods. It is important to teach students how they can contribute to society and to understand not all families are able to provide for their families all of the time.

As well, the discussion on the origin and history of Boxing Day can open dialogue about less fortunate individuals in the community and how the students can make a difference. Students may do a viable proposal on how their class or a group of students can provide a service or gift to other families or students in the community who are less fortunate.

Lastly, Americans do not celebrate Boxing Day but the slaves were given their goods on December 26th for the Masters to show their appreciation. Most slaves were given a few days off to celebrate the holiday season with their families. This is a great discussion on how the season of Christmas brought all class levels together and for a quick moment. Students could write a report on how they would feel celebrating Christmas with their Masters and why Masters even bothered to share the holiday season with their slaves.

Allow the dialogue on Boxing Day open other discussions on students feeling singled out or less fortunate than other students in the school or community.

Til next time...

Christmas Day Post - Remembering Our Loved Ones - Both Victims and Offenders

2008-12-25T10:21:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Today is a wonderful day. I started it with family early this morning. Watching my nephew and nieces open their gifts was a reminder of the joy I felt when I was a child opening my gifts. I can remember the excitement.

So many children and families will not feel that way this Christmas. Let us think of them and how important it is to give in this holiday season. I am not talking about monetary or physical gifts. I am referring to the kind of gifts that impress upon someone else’s heart. The gift of love and compassion are great gifts this holiday season and beyond.

First though, I want to thank Jason Robinson again for his interview. What courage. What resolve and resilience to be able to tell his story. He is to be commended. Thank you Jason and Happy Holidays.

Our family is remembering my mother – Jacqueline Kellibrew, brother - Anthony Cephas, grandfathers – Jack Mitchell and George Short, stepfather - Michael Ray, cousin - Jason Ford (cousin who died on the battle field at 21), Aunt Bernice, Margaret and a host of others. My heart goes out to Jason Robinson’s family for the loss of his sister.

These days are tough. They are even tougher ahead of us, but we are given the awesome power of strength. That strength is truly in the struggle of survival. What would life be like without struggle? We would not appreciate our successes. Success is more enjoyable when you have earned it. The struggle offers memories.

Today, I am definitely struggling with our losses. It’s hard. It’s tough. My heart aches, but I know that there is a better day. I know that if I hold on to my faith and belief in the goodness that lies before me, every single moment of every single day will be an easier step for me.

Two days ago I saw this man reach into a garbage can and pull out a cup. He looked in the cup and saw that there wasn’t anything in it, so he threw it back. He was moving rather briskly, but I was able to get out of the car and yell for him to come back. I realized he was probably hungry and at the least thirsty. It bothered me.

I asked him did he want something to eat, he was very much obliged. I took him into the carry out at 14th and P Streets NW and told him to get whatever he wanted. He ordered a burger, fries and a soda. It was quite an awkward moment for both of us, but we were in this together.

I decided to take the first leap and ask him how difficult it was for him on the streets and were the streets his permament home? He said that he was just out of federal prison for serving a life-sentence of thirty years. I asked him was he going to check into a shelter or something like that.

He told me that he did not trust those places and that he was better off on the street. He said that 14th Street offered him a better variety of food and clothes in the trash cans rather than Southeast D.C. He said that everything he had on was from the trash cans, even the DC cap he had on his head that looked like he just bought it from an athletic store or shop. He felt safer. He was amazed at how much 14th Street had changed since being in prison. Our conversation continued.

I asked him what he thought about violent criminals being on a registry. He had been in prison for murder and to my amazement, he said that violent criminals definitely need to be on a registry because violent criminals could loose control at anytime. Well, he thought that their safety was an issue in the community. I guess he was talking about himself. He was talking from experience, I thought.

I gave him my number and twenty dollars and told him to call me if anything happened to him. Now, I know giving your number out can be dangerous, but my intention is to be a resource for him – a hotline. If he calls me I will be able to direct him to more appropriate resources. I would not suggest meeting him in a particular place or anything of the sort. That is dangerous. I am hoping he calls actually. I want to direct him to some special places.

Victims are directly impacted by their offenders, but offenders often times are the victim. I know that we separate them in our society, but sometimes there is a fine line between them both. I could be victim, which I am, and could be so disrupted mentally that I might commit a crime against another person. I then become the offender. This supports my position that we need to rehabilitate and educate offenders and victims. We must work to get everyone on the same page in our society where we all care about each other and safety of one another. Yeah, it seems like a remarkable and unattainable task, but who ever said we could not work toward it.

That’s the goodness I am talking about. We must think in the affirmative and be very positive about the change that we can influence. Let’s work together this holiday season to not only remember our loved ones, but prevent the tragic loss of those who are around us.

The website of my foundation, the William Kellibrew Foundation will be up soon. I am eager to help provide direct services to victims and offenders. My compassion leads me to help both. My heart and soul leads me to help both.

You see, I have a thirty year old brother, DaVone Kellibrew, who is serving 97 years in prison – convicted of 18 felony counts. He was convicted of all but, murder. The offense so heinous that it had me questioning his sanity. I know how he grew up. We grew up in the house with him, I know him. I know his circumstances and they were difficult. It was simply hard for him to break the cycle of violence. He did not understand how he was affected and he acted out. Now, I was not there during his crimes. I only know that he was convicted of them. I also know that he is appealing his sentence. I stand beside him. But my heart goes out to the young lady and her family for such a heinous crime against her. No one should ever have to suffer such a tragedy. We must work to prevent this from happening and we must also work with the victims to cope.

Victims often become Offenders.

Til next time…

The Murder of a Sister Ignites a Call to Action

2008-12-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

Death has a way of moving us. It is not understood and often misunderstood. But, it's what we do after seeing death that really matters. One thing for certain, death is inevitable. We must face it one way or another. All these questions and the issue of death, especially murder has knocked on our next guest's door. He remembers the day his sister was killed and he will never forget. How does he cope? What is he doing? Well, let's get into our next interview. Jason Robinson is a young man with a mission. He is making his way through life as a pioneer in his family. Let's get into it.

Kellibrew: Thank you so much for agreeing to tell your story on my blogspot. First, it takes a lot of patience to talk about tragedy, I definitely know this. But, you have broken through an amazing silence to tell us your story. So, can you tell our readers what you are doing right now in life and where you are from?

Jason: I was born in Brooklyn, New York. I grew up in Orangeburg, South Carolina. Right now, I am a teacher for Alexandria City Public Schools. I am also a freelance writer.

Kellibrew: You have been following the Sleep Outs that we have been having in Washington, D.C. on behalf of victims of crime and violence. Thank you for your support. This issue hits home with you. What happened a few years ago that traumatized you?

Jason: When I was sixteen years old, my sister was shot and murdered. Her boyfriend shot her with my father’s gun. He hid at our house for a while, came in, and shot her in the head. I was present at the house when this happened. I was taking care of my sister’s son, who was five months old at the time. This event has been with me since then. I am 27 years old now.

Kellibrew: Have you had therapy or have you sought any professional assistance to deal with your sister’s death?

Jason: I haven’t sought therapy or professional assistance to deal with my sister’s death. I believe I should. I tried for years to put it out of my mind. I am finally dealing with it now. I am praying….and crying. I think professional assistance would help.

Kellibrew: I totolly agree with you. Therapy is the reason I am here today. It gave me a chance to exhale. It gave me a chance to get things out in the open. So, I would really recommend therapy. You can call 1.800.FYI.CALL. This the National Center for Victims of Crimes. They will recommend you to several different groups who can get you started on your track to therapeutic recovery. For instance, you can join the group, Survivors of Homicide Victims. You can join others who share what you have suffered. What has it been like for you since your sister was killed?

Jason: Since my sister was killed, my life drastically changed. As I said earlier, my sister had a son who was five months old when she was murdered. After she was killed, I became a single parent. I became the guardian for her son. This added an amount of responsibility to my life at a young age.

I often think about my sister. I dream about her. Lately, the event of her death has been at the forefront of my mind. I would like to do something to help fight this issue.

Kellibrew: What were some signs during your sister’s relationship that were evident that something was wrong? Or were there signs?

Jason: I believe that there were signs that something was wrong in the relationship. Shortly before she was killed, she and her boyfriend used to “play fight,” similar to wrestling. I saw how this could escalate. I could just feel that something was wrong.

Kellibrew: What do you remember most about your sister that keeps her memory close to you today?

Jason: The thing I remember most are the events that occurred the day she was killed. She was in my father’s room making up his bed. Sometimes I reenact the events in my head that lead up to her being shot. I wish I could have stopped it. I wish I could have done something. I wish she would not have been hurt.

Kellibrew: I know life has been difficult, but how did you cope? How do you cope now?

Jason: Life has been difficult. I cope by being active in the fight against violence against women. I work with organizations. I write articles for magazines. I strive to bring awareness of the issue and resources available to women.

Kellibrew: You have had some amazing success in school and in your professional career. You even have a book either out or about to come out and perhaps two, right?

Jason: Yes, I have had success in school. I always did well in school. I think the fact that my family was a low-income family further motivated me to do well.
I have Bachelor of Arts Degree in English from the University of Michigan. I also have a Master of Arts Degree in Teaching (Education) from Hampton University. I published a book of poems entitled, The Image of Love.

Kellibrew: What keeps you going in terms of your success?

Jason: There is a motto I live by: “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do, and what I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do.”
As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, I have a dream. I have to follow my dreams.

Kellibrew: I know you get down sometimes about your sister, but how do you turn things around in a positive manner, because you just keep going?

Jason: Activism helps me. It makes me feel better to know that I could keep the same thing from happening to someone else.
I pray. Also, I plan to have my own memorial service for my sister. I am going to go visit her grave site.

Kellibrew: What is that one sentence or paragraph that you can give to someone that has and is suffering from what you have suffered?

Jason: God is in control. He knows what is best for all of us.

Kellibrew: Do you have anything that you really want to talk about during this interview that we may have missed?

Jason: Another thing that keeps this issue at the forefront of my mind is the fact that I have another relative in an abusive relationship. She has been in this relationship for many years. I have tried to help her. I hate to see women dealing with this. It has to stop!

Kellibrew: Thank you very much for your courage once again. I really appreciate you doing this interview. I wish you all the best as you continue your success. Also, thanks for being a reader.

Jason: You’re welcome. Thanks for taking the time to interview me. Thanks for all that you do.

Til next time...

"Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood." says Sean Covey

2008-12-22T23:59:00.000-05:00

When I read this chapter on seeking to understand, then to be understood, I had to definitely stop in my tracks. It opens up with a powerful statement...

"Before I can walk in another's shoes. I must first remove my own shoes."

I hadn't heard it quite like this before although I support this wholeheartedly. I will even take it a step further. No one wears the same size shoe, lol. Even though we may essentially wear the size of someone else's shoe, like a 10 or size 6 1/2, we are all different. Our feet are shaped differently and are different sizes even if by one centimeter or millimeter. Well, where am I going with this? Stay with me.

Have you had a friend who just simply will not let you get a word out when you are telling them a story that is important to you. You just want to stop telling the story altogether. I remember telling someone a story and they totally started to interrupt me and I never finished. I have also been in situations where I have cut people off. Boy, I got mine back, (smile). I actually talk a lot, but try to listen as much as possible. So, I am also learning from this lesson that I am giving to you.

We have often heard from our friends, "I know how you feel." "I know exactly what you are going through."

What if we don't know? We often generalize feelings so much that we think that our feelings can match someone else's feelings. Well, this is hard. Just as no two finger prints are alike, the same goes for feelings. It would be great to feel the same as someone else, but that would make us all the same. We would not be different. So, even if you remove your shoes, it would be difficult to put someone else's on, especially when it does not fit. Food for thought, huh?

So, let's accept that people are different. What I do agree with Covey on is that it is definitely better to listen first, rather than talk first. So, listen first, talk second. I agree. It gives you a great perspective on where people are in their feelings, etc.

Let's get you some tools going.

Covey lists five poor listening styles.

1) Spacing out

2) Pretend listening

3) Selective listening

4) Word listening

5) Self-centered listening

Spacing out - someone's talking and you are just out of it. You are in "la-la" land.

Pretend listening - making small comments or gestures showing that you are listening, but almost don't have a clue as to the conversation. The other person thinks you are listening.

Selective listening - only clue into what you want to hear. Sometimes you take the conversation in a whole new direction right in the middle of their sentence.

Word listening - we do not look or listen to the gestures and body language when someone else is talking. We simply take words out of context. We do not pair the two. You can learn a lot from gestures and body language.

Self-centered listening - it's all about your view point. You rarely get the other person's point.

Covey says, stop mimicking and start mirroring.

Mimicking is - Repeating words

Using the same words

Cold or indifferent

However, mirroring is - repeating meaning

Using your own words

Warm and caring

Well, what can we do better to listen? This is so important when we are trying to be there for our friends, family and others.

Eye contact is certainly something that I do a lot of. When I feel my eyes drifting, I immediately focus again. I find myself in situations where someone is going on and on, but I refocus and try to let them complete their thought by interjecting with a follow-up question. The question has to be related though. That way, they know you are listening and they get to talk again.

Take a look at other people's interactions. You will see yourself more and more as you observe others. You will see the things that you simply despise and you will see some things you do well in terms of communication.

Evaluate your listening skills by using the five poor listening skills.

I remember telling my family that I was molested when I was 6. They believed me and that was the greatest thing for me. My grandmother was more hurt than I was. That validated me or let's say, I felt validated. I do not want to know where I could have been if I had not felt validated. That would have been a double scar for me. So, take some time to listen to folks. They may have something to tell that you want to hear, but you have to be listening in order to do that.

Coming up! A young man fights internally for understanding of his sister's murder. He still hurts today, but he is courageous and wants to talk about it. His interview and more when we come back on Wednesday.

Thanks for tuning in.

Til next time.

Mildred Muhammad - Up Close and Personal

2008-12-21T09:27:00.001-05:00

Today, we are meeting with Mildred Muhammad. What I love about my good friend Mildred is that she is absolutely a humble woman. You would think a woman like her would never be able to help others. We almost expect that in our society. After trauma, many people turn to violence as the answer. But, Mildred took that energy and made an example out of her life. She is strong, vibrant and quite charismatic. She is raising her children and is about helping her community, especially through her knowledge in domestic violence. My interview with Mildred starts now.

Kellibrew: First and foremost, thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to dialogue with you. We have been dialoguing for about a month now and it just seems like yesterday my god-sister Tiffany Gates, just died. You immediately reached out to me and that really put a lot of things in perspective for me. There were many who reached out to me and my family and I appreciate them all. What made you reach out to me? I mean, you have been through so much yourself and you are such a busy person.

Muhammad: Thank you William for this opportunity to share information as well. I have my yahoo alert set on ‘domestic violence’ stories which I receive and read daily. There are some people I reach out to, just to thank them for having the courage to speak up. To encourage them and let them know they are not alone. That’s the most important concern for me is not having that feeling of being alone. And with all I’ve been through, I know that others may feel that way too. It’s important that those going through an abusive situation know that they are not alone. I reached out to you for the same reason. Your story touched my heart so much. I was so sorry to read about your immediate family and then your special friend. I wanted you to know that you are not alone, and all that you’ve done and are doing, I’m sure your mother is very proud of you.

Kellibrew: Thanks again. Those are really warm words and I appreciate them. You were definitely right. I did need somebody there and you have helped me tremendously. It’s so good to know there are people out there willing to reach outside of themselves to help another person. I am sure readers would like to know what you are doing right now. You are leading an organisation, right? Can you tell us about your organisation and what is your role in the community?

Muhammad: Yes, that is correct. My organization is After The Trauma. We assist victims and survivors of domestic violence through counseling and referrals so they can find their way out of their situation and stabilize where they are now. You can visit the website, http://www.afterthetrauma.org/ to browse the programs we offer. I speak locally and nationally on my story in particular and domestic violence in general at conferences, seminars, and workshops. My story is about the domestic violence most people don’t pay attention to. And that is verbal, mental, spiritual, economic, stalking and emotional. 20% of domestic violence is physical. 80% is not. 75% of victims that leave are killed. 25% of victims that leave survive, but barely.

Kellibrew: That’s some great information. Readers, please go to the website. You will learn so much. You know, Mildred, we really clicked from the very beginning, but I must admit, I was so anxious to meet you because the D.C. Sniper case simply jolted the D.C. area, the nation, and the world. My friends from overseas still talk about this case today. They were concerned for my safety and the safety of everyone in our area. I cannot imagine being in the situation you were in. You obviously lived in a world of fear for years. Your story is so much like my mother’s. As you know, she was killed along with my brother by her ex-boyfriend. We lived with this killer for 7 months, but unbelievably, you were married to John Allen Muhammad for over 12 years. How on God’s green earth did you ever survive as long as you did? Also, during one of our previous conversations you mentioned that death for you was almost eminent. Can you take us back to a point when you were absolutely concerned for your life and your children’s lives?

Muhammad: Let me say that for the 23 days John had this area in a grip, everyone walked in the shoes of a victim and survivor of domestic violence. Remember the fear you felt on a daily basis? Not knowing if you were going to live or die that day? That is EXACTLY how we feel. It takes time to get over that kind of fear. I lived under that kind of fear from September 1999 to October 24, 2002. As I’m answering this question, I remember that fear and how much I wanted someone to help and believe me, but no one did. It is so painful to go through that and no one understands. Others look at you like you are crazy. Which is the fuel I burn when I think of helping others who may find themselves in this situation. This is not a job for me…this is my passion, my life. I will continue in the work until I die. I believe this is where God wants me to be. I’ve accepted that and will continue to do all I can not to turn women away.

I survived by listening to my spirit. By believing that God was going to bring me through because everyone I’d gone to for help, turned their backs on me because I didn’t have the physical scars to prove that I was a victim of domestic violence. My children and I were the first victims. And yet, we have received no compensation from any agency to help us get back on our feet. That I still find difficult to accept. How many women are walking around in a domestic violence situation and need help but are unable to receive it because they can’t prove the abuse without the scars. People blamed me for the shootings. They said that me and my children were not victims, I should have stayed on the west coast and then the people on the east coast would be alive. They said had I stayed with him, then he would have only killed me.

The shootings were [part of] a very detailed plan to kill me. Innocent people died because John didn’t want my murder to come back on him. My heart goes out to the victims’ families. I am so sorry for their loss. The police are now saying the random shootings was a cover for my death. He would come in as the grieving father to get custody of our children and walk away with the $100,000 compensation they were giving the victims’ families at that time. Again, me or my children have not been compensated for our victimization.

I was concerned for my life in 1999 when John and I separated. His behavior became irrational. He said to me, “You have become my enemy and as my enemy I will kill you.” John is a man of his word. He is not an idle talker. He says what he means, and he means what he says. I knew that it would be a matter of time for him to bring that into fruition.

Kellibrew: Wow. I am so glad you made it through. Your story is powerful for those who are going through similar trauma. It takes a remarkable person to struggle and get through what you have been through. We both know how much it takes to rebuild our lives as victims and now survivors. Essentially, you were living with the enemy. What was the defining point or moment for you? When did you know to leave or were you absolutely forced to leave?

Muhammad: My defining point was when he said, “You have become my enemy and as my enemy I will kill you.” John’s personal motto was/is never leave an enemy behind. After I received my lifetime restraining order in February 2000, we established weekend child visitation to occur every other weekend so he could see our children. It was just until we went to court to establish a parenting plan of who would legally have the children. The weekend of March 22, 2000, was his weekend. A friend of ours picked up the children and they were to be brought back on that Monday because it was my Mom’s birthday. To make a long story short, he didn’t bring them home. My son told me later that they boarded a plane that night and headed for Antigua. I would also find out that he emptied our bank accounts. He left me and my mother penniless. It would be 18 months before I saw my children again. That’s a long time to go without knowing where your children are.

Kellibrew: What heartache for a mother. I am sure mothers out there can identify. There was another child involved in this situation, a young man by the name of Lee Boyd Malvo. This young man was also convicted of charges stemming from the killings. Had you ever met Lee Boyd Malvo?

Muhammad: I have never met Lee Malvo. The first time I've seen him was at his trial when I testified on his behalf because my children asked me to help him. They stated that if it had not been for Daddy, Lee would not be there.

Kellibrew: Thank you for sharing. That took a lot of courage and compassion. Who was he and why did he have an affinity to John Allen Muhammad? How much influence did John have over this young man?

Muhammad: What most people don't know is Lee and my son were best friends. When John kidnapped them and took them to Antigua, they met Lee. He became a part of their family and was considered the 'big brother'. When their dad would leave them in Antigua to come back to the states to find me, he left Lee in charge to care for them until he returned. John had the same influence over Lee as a father would have over this own son.

Kellibrew: When you lived with John, did he seem like he could be manipulative and how were you convinced of this, if so?

Muhammad: John's behavior changed when he returned from the Gulf War in 1991. Before this, he did not have these behaviors. He was not debriefed nor did he receive counseling when he returned.

Kellibrew: This is an issue. Here we are on the dawn of a war, the war in Iraq. We also have the war in Afghanistan and the war on terror. These wars have a tremendous impact on our soldiers and soldiers’ families. The effect of these wars may spawn other violence such as John’s case. God bless our soldiers who are defending us and we need to make sure that they are taken care of when they come back home. They have seen so much and have been exposed to violence that some of us will never witness. Counseling should be absolutely mandatory or required. It is important to talk about what they experienced. Counseling may be able to prevent some of the issues that stem from stress suffered from the war. Some of our readers are in relationships now where danger is eminent and it is so hard to get out. My heart goes out to those individuals. What do you recommend these individuals do to try to get out of the relationships? Is there a step-by-step process?

Muhammad: You have to have a plan to leave. Click on this link: http://www.afterthetrauma.org/PersonalizedSafetyPlan.pdf It will take you directly to a comprehensive safety plan. Do not take this plan home for the abuser to see. If you don’t work outside your home, print it out, complete and give it to someone you trust to hold. Modify it as often as you need. In step 8, there is a list of items you should put away. Again, give these items to someone you trust. Don’t tell everyone what you are doing. You don’t know who the abuser knows. Once you have your plan in place, you will know when to leave. If you are not in a position to plan and feel you have to leave now…that’s a difficult position to be in. Not impossible, just difficult. If you have good friends and family to stay with, that is a blessing. Get to them as soon as you can and call the police. If you are financially stable on your own, check into a hotel or motel, call the police for help and an advocate will be assigned to you. This safety plan is very thorough. It’s a fill in the blank. As you complete it, it will come together for you. Above all, stop reacting and start acting. Call the police for help. Try to think clearly when making decisions that will alter you whole life. This is a life altering experience. You will never be the same again.

Kellibrew: I think it is so important to be cognizant of who your choice for dates are. There are ways to know if a person is not right for you and that they might be abusive down the road. What are some of the signs that we should look for in order to detect violent behavior, early, before the cycle begins or continues?

Muhammad: The signs are so different. And once the person is found out, they change their behavior. There are many sites that offer this information. One of the ways I can advise someone to do is to watch the behavior of the person you are involved with. The Bible says to recognize the spirits when they come. So that means to be watchful. When your gut tells you something is wrong…something is wrong. Do not ignore your instincts. God gave all of us ways to recognize those situations in our lives that will cause problems. Sometimes we listen, sometimes we don’t. That’s why we often times say, I should have listened to my first mind. That is your spirit warning you that there is a problem.

Kellibrew: What can people do to protect their family members out there who may be getting abused? And what can strangers do as well when they see violence occurring in their environment?

Muhammad: There is only one question that should be asked when you know someone is being abused, whether you know them or not. That question is ‘how can I help’. Do not play the hero. And do not assume you know what the victim wants to do. That is an empowering question. You may be the only one that has asked the victim what he/she wants to do. Others have been telling her/him what they should or shouldn’t do. Often when that is the case, she will not contact you again because now you have become a part of the problem. You are not listening. You sound just like the abuser.
If you are not able to help or want to [help] after finding out the information, then give that person resource information. The list attached is things you should and should not say to victims and survivors.

Kellibrew: Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers about the issue of violence that we may have missed?

Muhammad: Thank you so much for this opportunity. I hope what we’ve said will assist someone who finds themselves in this situation. After The Trauma is here to help. I know this is a terrible economic time we are in. Imagine for a minute what it feels like for a victim or survivor. After The Trauma is a 501©3 organization. All donations are tax deductible. Please donate $5.00 or more to assist us with helping the very people that need it so much. You will receive a receipt upon the completion of your donation. The link is provided for your convenience, http://www.afterthetrauma.org/donate.html Society has forgotten us and no one really wants to hear about this issue. Domestic violence does not have a religion, financial or educational status, race, creed, culture. It can happen to anyone at any time, men, women and children.

I’ve written a survivor’s journal that can be purchased from my site. The link is http://www.afterthetrauma.org/myjournal.html. As the former wife of John Allen Muhammad, I've felt no one could handle my 'emotions'. I knew I had to get them outside of myself to heal. I began journaling and found more emotions I didn't realize existed. I couldn't tell anyone because I felt ashamed, guilty, and thought no one would believe me anyway. But...writing them down gave me the opportunity to truly focus on my pain and how these emotions were affecting my everyday living.

My book is being published and will be released October 2009 by Simon and Schuster. The title is “Scared Silent”. There are many errors out there about this situation. My book will correct those errors and shed more light on the entire situation.
Thank you again for this opportunity.

Kellibrew: Mildred, you are so welcome as always. I cannot thank you enough for agreeing to tell your story on my blogspot. There is somebody out there who needs this uplift and information you have shared. There are so many young woman who share Tiffany Gates' fear out there. There are so many Mildred Muhammads out there. Tiffany may be gone from earth, God bless her soul, but You have a choice while you are alive. I am buying my sister, and another friend, and me, our survival journal right now. Thanks Mildred.

Well, there you have it. This concludes my interview with Mildred and don’t worry, I know she will be back. I have also written an article for her monthly newsletter. If you want to be plugged in, don’t forget to go to her website http://www.afterthetrauma.org/. You will find a wealth of information geared to save your life or someone else’s. I added the list of things to say and not to say to victims per Mildred’s request. You will find them below.

Til next time.

GOOD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

T How can I help you?
T What can I do for you?
T I’m sorry.
T What happened is not your fault.
T I believe you.
T Your case is important/unique.
T Are you safe?
T Do you have any concerns about your safety?
T Who else have your spoken to?
T Would you like a referral for further victim assistance?
T Can I make any calls for you?
T Do you need anything else?
T If you do, contact me at....
T I know this is one more interruption in your life.
T If you have a serious problem or crisis, dial 911.
T You are not going crazy.
T I can’t imagine, but...
T I can’t possibly understand what you are going through, but I’m going to try and help you.
T I don’t know, but I’ll find out.
T How are you doing?
T Let’s see if we can figure out your most important needs right now.
T I’m glad you called.

BAD THINGS TO SAY TO VICTIMS

T I know how you feel.
T I understand what you’re going through.
T Why???
T Why were you....didn’t you...?
T Your case reminds me of another victim I dealt with...
T As a general rule of thumb...
T It’s God’s will (or any religious platitude).
T Move on, put it behind you.
T You need to get over it/ get on with your life.
T I can promise you that will happen for sure.
T If I were in your shoes....
T You’re so strong...
T You’re so lucky...

T At least you weren’t hurt.
T You should forgive.
T Time heals all wounds.
T Why didn’t you.....?
T It could be worse.
T What you need is.....
T Get over it. Get on with your life.
T You’re not the only victim I’m trying to help.
T Offenders aren’t really bad people...
T The poor defendant had a really tough childhood....
T Nothing at all.
T Avoid using generalizations.
T Avoid comparisons with other victims or cases.

Mildred Muhammad - Sunday Morning, Simply Amazing

2008-12-20T09:27:00.000-05:00

Join us tomorrow morning for a very special guest. A great friend and confidante, Mildred Muhammad. Her interview is ready for you to read. This will be great Sunday morning or afternoon reading. You will have the day to reflect.

Today, is kind of hectic, but I will blog in the afternoon. I have a homegoing service to attend. I have to sing as well, so early preparation today.

Til next time.

The Right Side of the Bed - Attitude

2008-12-19T10:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I definitely woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. In fact, with my new self-esteem tool kit I rarely get up with a negative attitude. I usually start my day off excited. I am excited about what the day may hold and I am thankful for being well rested. The moment I get up, I turn on the computer and start to read messages and get myself ready to meet and greet the world. But, I wasn't always like that. There were certainly days that I could not even get up. Before I go into today's blog, I want to mention some upcoming and exciting things happening with the blogspot.

Mildred Muhammad, ex-wife of the D.C. Sniper, John Allen Muhammad will be with us soon. We will go deep into the mind of a woman who was married to John for over 12 years. After killing 10 people, he was set to kill Mildred. Mildred still carries the permanent protection/restraining order daily. John has tried to escape at least three times.

How did she survive and what is she doing today? All these and more questions will be answered in an interview soon to be posted. (Info on John Allen Muhammad at bottom)

Also, we are getting booked with great interviews. There is a line-up of five interviews already. You will not believe these stories. Some sound right out of a movie. You never know who you are talking to sometimes. People have been through some tragic experiences and have come out of it. Some are still in it. I want to make sure that we get the stories out there so that others can see that they are not alone.

If you would like to tell your story, please let me know by contacting wkellibrew@gmail.com.
Be a part of the Conversation.

So, where was I? Yeah, attitude.

Websters on-line dictionary defines attitude as:

1. A position of the body or manner of carrying oneself: stood in a graceful attitude. See Synonyms at posture.
2.
a. A state of mind or a feeling; disposition: had a positive attitude about work.
b. An arrogant or hostile state of mind or disposition.
3. The orientation of an aircraft's axes relative to a reference line or plane, such as the horizon.
4. The orientation of a spacecraft relative to its direction of motion.
5. A position similar to an arabesque in which a ballet dancer stands on one leg with the other raised either in front or in back and bent at the knee

Wow!!! This is absolutely great. I like all of these definitions for attitude. There is a lot to think about when we mention attitude.

In the first definition it talks about the body or manner of carrying oneself. The moment you awaken, it is you who decides the body or manner in which you will carry yourself. You define you, simple. You can also be arrogant or hostile as in definition 2.b.

Now, I really like 3. The orientation of an aircraft's axes... This is deep. What do I mean?

Well, if you think about it, it talks about an horizon. I see this horizon as other people, things, etc. Our attitude affects everything we do and how we do it. People, places and things are out there and as we approach them, we have to decide how we approach them. Depending on your approach, something will transpire. For instance, if you yell at someone, they may yell back at you -- agressive approach begets an agressive approach.

I will not harp on this subject because you get what I am talking about. But, I will mention that image is everything and attitude makes up that image. Market yourself in a way that you will be positively remembered. You see, you will develop champions -- people who believe in you. They will spread the good word about you or they will spread the bad word about you. Which one do you want spread about you? Certainly food for thought.

As I promised, this is information about the D.C. Sniper case.

Til next time...

John Allen Muhammad (b. December 31, 1960) is a spree killer from the United States. With his younger partner, Lee Boyd Malvo, he carried out the 2002 Beltway sniper attacks, killing 10 people. Muhammad and Malvo were arrested in connection with the attacks on October 24, 2002, following tips from alert citizens. Born John Allen Williams, Mohammad converted to Islam in 1987 and later changed his surname.[1] Drawings by Malvo describe the killing spree as part of a "jihad" (holy war).[2] At Muhammad's trial, the prosecutor claimed that the rampage was part of a plot to kill his ex-wife and regain custody of his children, but the judge ruled that there was insufficient evidence to support this argument.[3]
His trial for one of the murders (the murder of Dean Harold Meyers in Prince William County, Virginia) began in October 2003, and the following month, he was found guilty of capital murder. Four months later he was sentenced to death. While awaiting execution in Virginia, in August 2005, he was extradited to Maryland to face some of the charges there, for which he was convicted of six counts of first-degree murder on May 30, 2006. Upon completion of the trial activity in Maryland, it was planned that he next be returned to Virginia's death row unless some agreement is reached with another state or the District of Columbia seeking to try him. As of October 2006, he has not been tried on additional charges in other Virginia jurisdictions, and faces potential trials in three other states and the District of Columbia involving other deaths and serious woundings. As of September 2008, the various trials brought against him were apparently all completed. Some appeals had been made and rejected, but others remained pending.

Sentenced - Families Are Footing the Bill for Violent Offenders

2008-12-18T10:09:00.000-05:00

Families are being sentenced along with their convicted family members. What do I mean?

Well, my brother, a few months ago was sentenced to 97 years in prison. He has to pay $25 a month to the Victims Assistance Fund. I know I mentioned this before, but I had to reiterate this.

Violent offenders commit crimes and then have to pay the fine, but many like my brother, at times, have only earned $7 in one month. That is not enough to pay the fine monthly and is really not easy to live on in jail. So, we send money monthly for canteen, etc. When violent offenders commit crimes and are sentenced, families pay for the crime. This is something to think about for potential offenders. The cycle of violence has to stop.

What are your thoughts on this? Anyone else in this situation like to comment?

Certainly food for thought.

I will talk to you later.

Successful Stand Out/Vigil for Victims -- Next Sleep Outs

2008-12-17T10:25:00.000-05:00

The vigil at the US Capitol went well. Aside from all of the new construction work at the Capitol for the inauguration things went well. It was nice to be out there in the rain and standing for something. It was certainly my first time demonstrating on Capitol Hill. Now, there was a blooper. I do apologise for this. I reserved the West Lawn of the Capitol thinking it was directly across from the US Supreme Court. I was wrong. We were supposed to demonstrate near the Christmas Tree from Montana. So, my apologies again. I hope no body got lost.

There was a great discussion though, between a US Capitol police officer and those who came out. He gave his opinion on what he thought about the registry for violent offenders. He really believed in it and also thought that something has to be done about the violence. He mentioned that he has to deal with so many youth problems and violent offenders on his job. He said that the problem is prevalent in our community. It was also good to speak with him because we were building a relationship between all stakeholders in our community. I believe that we have to work closely with police officers or law enforcement. Remember, they are our family members too. Their safety is important as they protect us. Thanks officer!

Today's blog -- short. Obviously, a million things are happening and I am excited about today's line-up. I am meeting a couple of Executive Directors of not-for-profits who are doing excellent work in the community. Kudos to them. So, I am excited about meeting them. This will help me to prepare for my Foundation as well as continue to network. Remember, "network for networth" and also remember that "networth" is not just dollars/money.

The next vigil/stand out will be at the US Supreme Court and then the White House. Then, we are finished. I may be taking the message on the road. That means, Chicago and perhaps New York. I will definitely let you know. The Supreme Court will be on next Tuesday and the White House the following Tuesday. We will announce times/places by tomorrow. Hopefully, you will attend.

As always, thank you for reading. I have some inspiration for you later on today. It will be a part of the second half of this blog.

Til next time.

Interview with Jacqueline Ellis - A Survivor

2008-12-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

As I promised. Jacqueline is with us today. As I mentioned before, Jacqueline has told me her story in bits and pieces, but after reading her responses, I definitely had tears in my eyes. I was so sad to read some of the things that she had to go through and I was also glad that she has her life right now. So many people out there need to hear these stories. Somebody out there needs uplifting. This is a remarkable young lady. I suspect she will be a great star one day. So, here is my interview with Jacqueline.

Kellibrew: Welcome Jacqueline to my blogspot. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to tell us your story of tragedy to triumph. Yours, like so many other stories, need to be heard. So many people out there lack the strength and determination to push forward through tough relationships and abusive situations. I like to have these conversations to show them that there is a way out. So, Thank you for sharing. Tell me, you have told me somewhat about your story and I was simply amazed that you are alive. You have been through a difficult time as a child. What happened that day with your mother getting hit with a hammer? I am sure that was difficult to see.

Jacqueline: I was 11 or 12 years old, I just remember having to commute during my 6th grade year. My mother's family told her to leave or he will kill you and your children. My mother pregnant with my youngest sister and we came back to his home to get the rest of our belongings. I didn't care where we were going just being out of that situation was all I cared about. I just did not want my mother to hurt anymore and so [us] leaving and living in a shelter was the next move for my family and I. I think my stepfather could sense that this was it and I remember him being drunk as usual. He sent me downstairs for some water and before I could make it up the last set of stairs, I heard a loud thud. He was standing there laughing and my mother was lying on the floor bleeding from her head. Her eyes were closed,she was unresponsive at that point. I had never felt so alone in the world. She lay there lifeless, very pregnant as my middle sister sat on the steps, she had to be about 5 years old. I remember my stepfather chuckling in the hallway telling me "She's fine." and [me] yelling at him calling him the devil and [that] he killed my mother. He eventually picked [her] up from the pool of blood she [had] been lying in and gave her smelling salts. He was now in panic mode and was sweating and trying to revive her. She eventually came to but her face was unrecognizable.

Kellibrew: It really breaks my heart that women and individuals overall have to go through the abuse that your mother suffered, and not to mention your own. Your childhood was a difficult one too. What happened to you as a child that scarred you for life?

Jacqueline:I remember not knowing who my father was and asking my stepfather if I could call him daddy. It was right after my dance performance and he and my mother attended, of course, he was drunk. I just wanted to be normal or at least pretend to be, so once we got him I asked him if I could call him daddy. I remember my mother was downstairs and he called me closer to him. He said sure..."Let me show you what daddy's do". I stood there more paralyzed with shock then fear as he proceeded to put his hands down my panties. I was also molested by 2 uncles in my mother family.

I have been raped twice and have dated some men who have either used and abused me sexually. Not all of my relationships were bad, some great but because of my history, I became involved with men who were had there own issues be it sexual or just a lack of regard with interacting with there female counterparts. I know that most of my history has shaped where I have been in my life and where I am still going, good and bad...hopefully more good. I have since forgiven them all, but the memory still lingers. My stepfather killed himself once he knew my mother was not coming back, I forgive him because I know he was suffering too. As for my uncle's I am sure God will have the final say, I just pray that they are able to recognize the error in [their] actions.

Kellibrew: You could be so many places, doing so many negative things. What keeps you motivated to keep striving in life? Tell me, how do you do it?

Jacqueline: God, he is the reason I am here. I did have some pitfalls and even attempted suicide at 14. I missed a year of school because I spent it in the phyciatric ward. I remember once I was released I told God I would make the best of the life I had been given. I have a young son now and he is even more reason to push everyday. I continue to give back by volunteering in areas where victims and survivors can benefit from my story.

Kellibrew: Right, you do have a child, how old is he and what do you teach him since you have dealt with the trials and tribulations of turbulent relationships? What does he learn from you?

Jacqueline: My son is only 15 months old and even though he is a baby there is always room for correction. Between he and my nephew I do my best to let them know how to interact with the opposite sex. Even though my son is young he sometimes plays rough with little girls. He already knows the word "gentle and nice" when I correct him as he plays with any little girl. Service, compassion, faith, respect, love among a host of other things will be reinforced daily in my household. I think for young children boys and girls alike need to have a safe enviorment and constant unconditional love reinforced daily. Abuse comes in so many forms and being aware and educated defiantly helps break the cycle.

Kellibrew: I know this is difficult to talk about, but I wanted to acknowledge your role in the late Tiffany Gates' life, my God-sister and friend. She was one of your best confidantes. I remember you being devastated to hear the news. Watching you react to her death made it real that day for me. I was literally in shock. I could not believe it. I said, "Not our Tiffany!" You had to recently do her make-up and basically reconstruct her face because of the damage done by her killer. First tell us, how did you get yourself to do the make-up? It was probably one of the hardest things you ever had to do. Also, how has it been dealing with your best friend's death?

Jacqueline: I loved her so much and for so long, 18 years and still to this day. I had knots in my stomach when I knew I had to do her makeup. As friends we had all made our funeral requests in advance and so being her friend I had to honor the part I knew I had. That is what you do for the people you love, It was my last chance to talk to her, be with her...to take care of her and pamper her one last time. I am not going to lie she looked like she had really struggled and just having to see her that close in the condition she was in broke my heart. There was no going back, she was gone and I really miss her everyday. I tell her I am sorry for what happened to her, I am sorry I did not get a chance to hug and kiss her before I left that Wednesday. I have had some trouble sleeping a couple of nightmares but I continue to ask God to keep me. I worry a little more about one of my best friend who is actually your sister. I worry that she may leave me early too and I askGod to watch over my loved ones constantly. I find that because of my issues with death, it plays a big part in my day to day life.

Kellibrew: What's next? In terms of coping with Tiffany's death and having gone through so much yourself, what are your next steps in life? What's your passion and what are you doing to fulfill your passion?

Jacqueline: My passion has always been the arts, it has always been my release from the craziness of this world. I plan to continue my efforts to raise awareness for victims and survivors. There is still a song in my heart so eventually returning to the stage is in my future. "Never Forget" I am adopting that for my own personal motto. Never forget Tiffany, myself, friends, family, the struggle, the triumph. I feel if you never forget you have no excuse but to press on.

Kellibrew: I want to thank you so much for sharing. Believe me, I know how difficult it is. I simply wanted to bring you on the blogspot today because someone has gone through and continues to go through what you have already experienced. Thank God you and your mother got through. I know that by being here today, someone was tapped with some support and strength to make a change today. They see a wonderful young lady who bounced back and stood resilient against the odds. Thank you Jacqueline as always for your time, energy and kindrid spirit. I hope I can get you on sometime in the future to continue our dialogue and get an update. I am sure our readers would love to keep up with you.

Jacqueline: Thank you and I love you. I pray that someone reads this and [are] moved to take action, be it in there own life or someone elses.

Kellibrew: That wraps up our interview with Jacqueline. Be inspired out there. I am excited about our next guest. I will give you the scoop in the next blog. For now, be safe and Happy Holidays, by the way.

Til next time.

Interview with Survivor Later Today - Today, Have the End Goal in Mind

2008-12-16T07:50:00.000-05:00

Good morning. It is a great morning. We have some exciting things happening today. First, I have a holiday party to go to. A midday drink never hurts. Later today, we will be having our first guest. She is a very good friend of mine and is one of my sister's best friends. We were talking the other day and she just revealed that so much had transpired in her life as a child. I did not know she suffered so much trauma. Her life story is one of life or death. She has brushed up against death a few times. I am grateful for her strength to even talk about it. But, I do not want to give you to much information. She will join us today.

On another note, we are holding a Candle Light vigil today at the Capitol from 3 - 5 p.m. We will be on the First Street side of the Capitol, right across from the Supreme Court of the United States. We will show our solidarity today for the victims of violence. Hope to see you there.

Now, I would like to leave you this morning with a bit of inspiration. As I mentioned before, I am usually inspiring myself by writing too.

Having the End Goal in Mind

We can never think about this enough. Everything we do has an outcome to it. Our every step on earth is about an outcome. So, why not plan for it?

Planning on the planning end will help to eliminate planning on the execution end. Less planning during execution will give you time to just roll out your plan and implement. But, you have to set the goal and be steadfast in order to achieve it. Also, productivity matters. You will need to set your goal and then go for it. Easier said than done right? Well, having a goal is "half the battle". If you continually think about and put effort into the goal you have, there is a huge possibility that you will achieve it. But, having the end goal in your head gives you the opportunity to see it accomplished. Today, do not go about your day aimlessly. Think about the few things you would like to accomplish and order your own steps. Stay on task and on path.

At the end of the day, take a look back and feel good about your day. You have accomplished what you set out to do. Now, do not try to add things on today's list that can only be handled tomorrow. What do I mean?

Your daily list is your daily list, not your weekly list. Adding things to your daily list can confuse and overwhelm you. So "keep it simple stupid or silly" (KISS) is what I use sometimes to keep me on task. However, do remember to plan for tomorrow at some point today. Only accomplish today what you can reasonably accomplish.

Thanks for reading.

Til next time.

Tribute to Tiffany Gates - Also, Reactive or Proactive -- Which One Are You?

2008-12-15T09:33:00.000-05:00

Last night was absolutely wonderful. Tiffany Gates was remembered and honored. Her mother, Vanessa and our family were honored by Tony and Robert who throw these annual Holiday Fundraising parties. This party was at the Takoma Station Tavern and in its fourth year. There was a band, people everywhere, food, a silent auction and a good time. The atmosphere was great. Tony and Robert gave gift cards to Vanessa and gave Manyka, my sister, and me a chance to greet the audience in between remarkable and ear-soothing sets of Holiday selections.

It feels so good to get out in the public and talk about the issue of violence. Our message was loud and clear. We were there to remind people of the horrible tragedies that struck Tiffany Gates and our mother and brother. Robert also honored Veronica Williams, murdered in Baltimore on the same day as Tiffany, 28 November. Robert and Tony honored Veronica's family and also raised money to send dolls to South Africa for underpriviliged children. This is an annual fundraiser and I will definitely be supporting this effort annually. What a world we live in. There are some wonderful people out there. Keep it up folks. Let's continue to spread the peace.

Secondly, today. There are some amazing interviews coming up. We will be arranging some interviews with people who have survived horrible circumstances. So, gear up. We are going to be talking about the issues. That's what having a conversation with Kellibrew is all about. Our first interview will start tomorrow. We will interview a young lady who will tell you about her past. She will tell you how her life hung in the balance while her mother lye on the ground in a pool of blood, left permanently disfigured. What an amazing story for two women. One of them will be with us tomorrow.

By having these conversations, we will be able to delve into the lives of victims and those who are truly survivors working to turn their lives around, rebuilding for the future.

Finally, I want to leave you with some inspiration. I am reading this book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey.

In Part II - Habit 1 - Be Proactive "I am the force." Covey writes about reactive and proactive language. That's what I want to focus on. Let's list the language used for both.

Reactive Language -- Proactive Language

I'll try -- I'll do it
That's just the way I am -- I can do better than that
There's nothing I can do -- Let's look at all our options
I have to -- I choose to
I can't -- There's gotta be a way
You ruined my day -- I'm not going to let your bad mood rub off on me

Covey says, "Listen to your language."

Kellibrew - This is so essential if we are going to conquer or complete our goals. I really like this book because it really teaches us about the basics to building and strengthening our self-esteem. I found two copies just sitting around in the house, probably from my nephew who got them as a gift. I decided to pick one up and read it and look what I am doing now, telling you about it. Wow. I love to pass along useful information.

Anyway, Covey also says, "It pays to be proactive"

I totally agree. He says that proactive poeple are a different breed. Covey and I think alike. Covey tells you how resilient proactive people are and I reiterate the importance with my opinion and brief anecdotes to help you connect.

Proactive people:

Covey -Are not easily offended
Kellibrew - We have to learn not to take things personally. Remember that saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me." That's true. What can someone really say that can truly hurt you. Yeah, at the beginning it hurts, but you will eventually loose that feeling and bounce back. You have to feel good about yourself -- who you are and then you will find it very easy to take criticism. Sometimes I tell the person that they hurt my feelings and that always gets a really nice reaction. Then they are apologetic, most of the time. But, even if they were not. No worries. I know who I am and most importantly, maybe they are right. So, that's something that I may be able to change. So, I thank them for pointing my faults out. I would rather stop the faults now than continue them in front of more people. That's the positive way of looking at it.

Covey-Take responsibility for their choices
Kellibrew - I am learning to do this more and more. I try to immediately say that I am responsible and that I am sorry for my behaviour if I know I was wrong. Sometimes it has to be pointed out to me, but I eventually come around. We have choices in life to make and we do nothing without a choice. Even when I was staring down the barrel of a gun, I had a choice. I chose to beg for my life. My mother decided to yell and my brother decided to say nothing before they died. I always look back on that horrible day and thank God for my decision to want to stay alive. Maybe that was the difference between life and death.

Covey-Think before they act
Kellibrew - How many times have we regretted things we have done. We look back, even if for one second and say to ourselves, "S&@^, I wish I hadn't done that." I know I have said that about my whole teenage and young adult life. There were some good things, but for the most part, I made some stupid and dumn decisions. When I think about where I am today, I am so happy that I changed my life and started to make great choices. For instance, at 15, I went with my friend "J" (named changed for privacy) to steal a car. It was my first time. I just wanted to be around the crowd and be accepted. Besides, I was tired of walking everywhere (chuckling). Anyway, we stole the car and later that night we were blocked in by police on three sides. We all jumped out. I ran in the same direction as J, but the driver, Mike, ran a different way. J and me got away, but unfortunately for Mike, he was caught. He did not give our names up and had to take the fall, but that taught me a huge lesson. I never did that again. I could have simply ruined my life at that point. Thinking before acting is not as simple as it is stated. There are tools to thinking. We will not go over them today, but remember that you have to arm yourself with information to help you think before you act. By the way, J will never see the outside of a prison again. He is serving life in prison and Mike, I believe is in a similar situation. Another one of our close friends is dead.

Covey-Bounce back when something bad happens
Kellibrew - Recently, as you know, Tiffany Gates, my God-sister was murdered -- stabbed to death in absolute cold blood and rage. Naturally, we were devastated. I, for one second, almost lost control. But, I said, what good what that do anyone. So, within two days, I held a teleconference with family and friends. I changed my status on Facebook, to "William is hurting right now due to the death of his sister." I got amazing responses immediately. People, friends, strangers reached out. It was a level of support that was totally missing from my childhood experience. I was determined to not let Tiffany's death define who I was at the time. I had to take everything I learned about leadership and resilience and turn it on. I bounced back. Now, I still hurt, but I am channeling my energy and helping to channel everyone elses energy I come in contact with.

Covey-Always find a way to make it happen
Kellibrew - I am not sure who said this first, but I use it. "There are three kinds of people in life. Those who watch what happens, those who make things happen and those who do not know what happened." Choose one. Sometimes one of these choose you. Well, if anything is going to happen the way that we want it to happen, we have to take control and find a way. You may not succeed, but you will at least know the outcome rather than wait on an outcome. Make things happen. You have the power. We have the power.

Covey-Focus on things they can do something about, and don't worry about things they can't change
Kellibrew - I always remember the passage, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Now, you may not believe in God, but as we discussed in an earlier post, there is another force on earth beside your own and that force is moving with or without you. So replace God with that force outside of yourself. The passage is self-explanatory. I really like the last part though. It takes discernment to capture the wisdom to know the difference between the things you can and cannot change.

Covey's book is a national bestseller and has sold over 2 million copies. If I were you, I would certainly pick it up. There are some basics or fundamentals to rebuilding your life. One of the basics is feeling good about you. I am feeling better and better about myself as every day passes. Yeah, sometimes I get down on myself, but I surround myself with people who remind me to keep my head up and stay strong. It gets difficult sometimes, but together, we can do it.

I wish you the best as you continue your journey through life.

Til next time.

Today is One of Those Days

2008-12-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

Today is definitely one of those days. I am up and eager to get things done, but cannot move to do them. Have you ever felt that way? Well, I feel that way today. I usually blog earlier, but today I got up and did some laundry, typed some emails and worked on a couple of documents. Knowing me, I can definitely do more. But, the day is still ahead of us. It is 1:42 p.m. and counting. At least in Los Angeles it is about 10:42. That makes me feel good.

Why is it that we feel this way sometimes? Why is it that we cannot motivate ourselves to get up and do the work we know we need to do? I canceled an appointment I had today as well. I have my reason, but that's neither here nor there. I still have to find out how to get motivated. So, here we go. Let's work on this. How do we get motivated?

1) This is definitely a start. Finding something that is easy to do to get started helps. For instance, I decided to start by blogging. This way, I can get all of the things that are clouding my head out and on paper (blog). This will give me a chance to clear my head and focus on other things that I have to do. Also, this is something that I have elected to do daily, consistently. That is one of the things about blogs. They have to be consistent if you are going to keep an audience. Keeping them short will also keep people reading. So, do something easy and that will start your day going and get your thoughts out on paper so that your head is clear.

2) Think of other priorities. List the priorities and get them done. We cannot afford to let precious time go by without conquering as much as we can. Get your list of things to do together and then tackle them one by one. Now, many people try to tackle a lot of tasks or at least list them on the same daily task list. That's a "no-no". Only list what you can accomplish today. Listing everything else will overwhelm you and will not give you a sense of satisfaction once you complete some things on the list. After completing your daily list, you will feel like you accomplished a lot. So, make a list of what you reasonably have to get done today and then list them by priorities.

3) Take a Nap! If you feel tired. Get some sleep. When I am tired, I just fall out. Why? We have to re-energise ourselves. We are more productive when we awaken. You will definitely feel the difference. For instance, it's about time for my nap right now. So, I will not be typing that much longer. So, close your eyes wherever you are and get some rest. Your body will thank you. Now, watch your belongings, secure what you have around you, especially in public. I have been known to sleep on the train station floor waiting for a train in another country.

I hope this blog helped you as much as it helped me. I am about to make my list right now. There just might be three things on there after writing this blog.

Don't forget about the candlelight vigil at Capitol Hill on Tuesday between 3 - 5 p.m. on the Front West Lawn of the Capitol across from the Supreme Court on First Street. Look for the peace signs.

Until next time.

A Few More Thoughts -- Death Surrounds Us But Resolve Helps Us Accomplish Goals

2008-12-13T12:54:00.000-05:00

Two days ago, my third cousin, Tony, died playing Playstation 3. He was attending university in Durham, North Carolina. Now, as you know, we just had Tiffany's death just three weeks ago. I have been asked to sing at his funeral service as well. Of course, I am definitely up to it. But, anyone looking in on our family would question our resolve.

Last night, I was pretty sad and hurt about his death. He was 20 years old and had a future ahead of him. He was on the dean's list for three years. He was well on his way. We do not know the cause of his death, but it hurts nonetheless. It leaves me questioning my own actions, goals, and aspirations.

Now more than ever is the time to act. As you see, we are not promised today and definitely not promised tomorrow. We have to act now if we are to affect any part of this world. I am more diligent this morning and I have accomplished so much this morning in terms of preparing for today's meetings and future career choices.

However, before I say anything else, I must tell you that I am definitely grieving. I want to continue to grieve through my writing because I know I have to get it out. Losses are hard to deal with, but acknowledging the loss is a part of coping. I know.

Today, I want you to think. I want you to think about what your goals are. I want you to think about what you will do today that will get you one more step closer to your goal or goals. Let's buckle down together and get what we need done.

Remember, goals are SMART. Your goals should be S-specific, M-measurable, A-attainable, R-reasonable, and T-time framed. If you do not have these elements in achieving your goals then you will be tampering with success. Later, I will go in depth about the SMART goals because I think it is important to talk about them.

Thanks again for reading.

Let's talk soon.

Peace -- the Answer

2008-12-12T22:54:00.000-05:00

Tonight, my heart goes out to the young child -- 5 years-old. He was shot in the shoulder here in D.C. -- fighting for his life. I know that there are children and victims who are fighting out there. My prayers and hopes are with you. My prayers are also with those who offend. Please. Be your brother's keeper. Violence is not the way to go brothers and sisters. We are family. We are friends. We are loved ones. The very person you are harming is the one you should protect. I have seen "six degrees of separation" at work. Just look your victim in the eye. Once you do. You will find that they really do want to live. They really do want to survive. Save yourself. I have been there. I have done wrong against the society. Send me a message my brother and sister out there. Do not give up on yourself. I look forward to hearing from you.

Til next time.

Why a Registry for Violent Offenders?

2008-12-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

As we (Robert Maxwell and I) develop the first draft of the "Victims Protection Act" or "Victims/Survivors Bill" we are mindful of the immense challenge to passing this through Congress. Let me give you a little history first. This will give you an idea where I am going with this.

Two weeks before Tiffany Gates' (my God-sister, god-sister) murder I saw a special biography on Oprah Winfrey. The special highlighted Oprah's success in supporting legislation to create a sex-offender registry. It was called the Oprah Bill and passed through Congress with the signing into law by former president Bill Clinton. It was called the Megan Law or Child Protection Act of 1993. After seeing this, I was excited. I jumped up off of the couch and a light bulb came on in my head. I said, "We need a violent offender registry!" So, I looked it up. There wasn't a violent offender registry. I was shocked. I was surprised. Most of all, I was hurt. I was hurt that so many violent offenders who get out of prison and commit the same crimes or more heinous ones are able to escape the accountability of the society or community only to hurt us. With a registry, at least we can identify them and protect ourselves from future harm. Of course, all violent offenders are not harmful to the community once they are rehabilitated, but we still have to protect ourselves, offenders included.

There are a few reasons why I think a registry should be conducted, administered, whatever. Here we go.

1) Give our community a choice. Let us decide if we want to get in a relationship with someone with violent tendencies. My mother and brother was murdered after she met her killer who was released after 11 1/2 years in prison for murder. Had she known that, she could have protected herself before falling in love with him and him being obsessed with her. He killed our family. He shot her and my 12 years-old brother right in front of me. I know I keep saying it, but I cannot get away from the fact that it happened. Tiffany's killer had violent tendencies too. I know Tiffany would have looked him up in the beginning because my sister, Manyka, was vigilant about looking up people on the sex-offenders registry. She is adamant about protecting her children and she would have done the same thing for Tiffany. So, let's give a choice to our community. Offenders have a choice. They hide their violent past and only reveal it through action. This action is often through violent means. You do not have to tell me. I know first hand and so does my family and friends.

Example: We need to shine the light on violent offenders. You see, entertainers, politicians and people in the lime-light are often seen in the news having been charged with crimes. PDiddy, Martha Stewart and a host of other entertainers' lives are seen through a microscope. If their lives can be viewed through a lense, so should these individuals. Their offenses are permanently etched in the minds of those who watch television or for those inundated by news flashes. Isn't this a registry? It is not a formal registry, but a registry nonetheless. Not only that, you can google or Yahoo! search their names and get information about their indictments and charges. Violent offenders under the radar has to change. Their acts have to be brought to the forefront.

Another thing, when violent offenders offenses are documented and sent out through a media advisory in the community. If I catalogued each one of those cases, I could start a registry. So, why not make it a federal registry?

Accountability to the public is key.

"Accountability to the community encourages accountability within the individual." Kellibrew

We have to feel a sense of self worth and that can happen through building meaningful relationships within the community. It has helped me tremendously to get back on track.

Simple, we need a violent offenders registry.

2) Victims often have to change their behaviour while offenders continue the same pattern of abuse and violence. I support mandatory counseling. Someone said to me the other day that violent offenders do have to go through therapy. Well, some are obviously skipping the therapy and perhaps once they attend therapy sessions they are not rehabilitated. Violent offenders are often released and most recommit crimes. Within the registry, there should be a column that reads, "Mandatory Counseling". The duration or length of their counseling should be evident and public. As a community, we should be aware of the violent offender rebuilding their lives. Victims are often in the public rebuilding their lives. They should be too. What is there to hide? Let's be honest and upfront with each other.

I am accepting other suggestions for this registry. If you have any, make a comment. This is an inclusive process. We need all of the help we can get.

Thanks for reading.

Til later.

Offenders Families Are Really The Victims

2008-12-11T10:03:00.000-05:00

This morning I found out that my family had to pay $25 this month for my brother who was convicted on 18 felony counts and is in prison. This $25 will be going to the victims assistance fund in the District of Columbia. Obviously, we will do anything in our power to help my brother, but doesn't the cycle go round and round?

You see, my brother only makes very little money per month. We send him funds every month and we also have to pay for his $25 to the victims assistance fund. Now, this is truly upsetting and is not suppose to be this way. It's like we are paying for his crime. Well, take a good look now because we will be paying for his crime for years to come. He was sentenced to 97 years in prison. I mean, the most ruthless killers have not received this much. Also, Tiffany's killer, Roderick Ridley is only charged with second-degree murder. Ridley killed Tiffany, my god-sister, in cold blood some three weeks ago as he was already on the run as a fugitive from a half-way house in Washington, D.C. Ridley stabbed Tiffany to death and probably has a chance to continue killing once he's out.

How do we end this cycle of violence and more importantly how do we as a community stop oppressing ourselves? I am in the community trying to stop violence and spread peace while at the same time my little brother has been convicted of commiting atrocities.

This is very difficult for our family to deal with, but we are definitely managing and channeling our energy to positive solutions.

So, pray and wish that our meeting with Chief Lanier and the Homicide Victims Task Force is successful. This is a great start to ensuring peace in our city, our country and our world.

I will update you and discuss further, what do we do?

Til next time.

Mysterious Happenings

2008-12-10T16:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I meant to write this morning, but as you can imagine, after the sleep out at the court house I was on with the day. It was so busy today, but something amazing happened.

I just received a call from someone I met a long time ago. Actually, over 12 years ago. You know, since being on Oprah and in the newspaper, on the television, and on the radio, people have come out of the woodworks. These people have known me, my mother, my family and bring back so many fond memories. But, this call was so interesting.

My family went through family therapy for some 15 or more years. We are still in contact with the doctors that administered the therapy. I will not reveal their names for privacy reasons. However, our sessions were filmed. The turbulent times were captured on camera and there were several camera men and women who captured the images in their head. I am sure we gave them a show. We were out of control as children and my grandmother put up with us and sometimes did not.

A woman called me and told me, "I know you are going to think this is crazy, but I know you." When a call starts out like that, you pause. Go on. I said with enthusiasm. I was really eager what she had to say. "I used to work at Walter Reed Hospital and I also saw you on Oprah." Well, immediately I knew the connection. We were taped at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. She was one of the camerawomen. I hadn't spoken to them in 10 years. I was excited. She must have seen some interesting things. So, I asked her what did she see back then?

She said that she saw me one time out in the public so innebriated that I could not even function. I was about 18 years old. she said that I asked her not to reveal my condition to my grandmother. She never revealed it to my grandmother, but she said that she felt so guilty for not revealing it. She mentioned that I was on a downhill spiral and I was completely self-destructive and thought that that was the breaking point. I was simply floored. I just thought...to be here today and hear that account of me at 18 was simply amazing.

I had lived to hear that account, wow!

We vowed to stay in touch and believe me, there is much more to talk about. I will have to work on a release so that she can tell what she saw as I grew up on camera. My family was on camera since I was 14 - my early 20's. I even see one of the doctors right now periodically for therapy.

I will be adding her accounts to my first book. Be on the look out.

By the way, the sleep outs were a major success. We had support in England and Scotland and of course from everyone here in D.C. and throughout the United States. This movement has been so wonderful. I just keep thinking about all of the people that we are impacting in a positive way. We are going to get this registry going if it is the last thing I do on earth. We have lives to save.

I will talk to you soon. Until then, make sure that you keep your brother and sister safe. Take care.

The Escape Route from Violence

2008-12-09T08:32:00.000-05:00

First, I believe that the escape route from violence is essentially peace. What do I mean?

The dynamics of a relationship reside within us. We are responsible how we react to situations and how we interact with others. We have to first have peace within us and then we can spread peace. That's one kind of escape route from violence, but what's another - the physical escape route?

Let's start by saying that I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I have been in and out of situations that have given me an opportunity to be here today. So with that preface, here is my opinion.

When I was 10, I faced the barrel of a gun. I immediately gave up power to my perpetrator. He was in control anyway so why try to wrestle control from him. Somehow, someway, he let me go. If I had fought back, I am sure I would be dead. He had just killed my 12 years-old brother. In that room, the difference between my mother, brother and I was the way that we reacted. My mother was already the enemy. Her killer was at a point where if he could not have her noone could. But, my mother added fuel to the fire. She fought back valiantly. That's what ended her life. My brother did not say or do anything. He did not plea or fight for his life. He was seen as the enemy. I knew I had to do something differently. I knew if I was going to live, I had to try a different approach. My approach was to plea for my life. Once I pleaded with him, I then looked up to the ceiling and prayed to God. I am here today. Now, I did move the power I gave to him to God. I accepted my situation and prayed. Sometimes we have to accept the situation, but find a spiritual way out of things.

I read a story about a Jewish psychologist who instead of accepting defeat in a prison camp in Poland, he decided to conduct a study. His study focused on the difference between those who lived and died and why? He found that those who died were either killed by the Nazis or they gave up hope. The Jews who lived were either lucky or not killed, but more importantly, most of those who lived in his study, had a determination and will to live. It's that determination and will that will take you far.

At 13, I wanted to die. It was when I decided that I wanted to live in order to find my strength. There is something out there that attracts us to life. Perhaps life itself. Find that special thing in life that you can hold on to.

Thank you Tiffany for fighting for your life. Tiffany fought valiantly and I know this. My mother fought for her life. She wanted to live. Let's end this violence and give ourselves and others a chance to live. Let's spread some peace. I will see you at the sleep out tonight at the Superior Court of the District of Columbia, 500 Indiana Avenue, N.W. Washington, D.C. at 8:00 p.m.

Talk to you soon.

Preparing for the Sleep Out at the Court House

2008-12-08T20:36:00.000-05:00

More than anything, I am excited about the sleep out at the Superior Court of the District of Columbia. This is a place where offenders are repeatedly brought to court only to be released by judges who under many circumstances miss the signs of brutal killers who will kill again. Roderick Ridley killed Tiffany after walking away from a half-way house. Ridley spent two months in jail and was released. After walking away he became a fugitive on the run from the law and that's when he struck. He killed Tiffany. He broke down her door and charged her.

Now, I wanna get a little in depth for you. The reason I want to go into a little detail because I would like to help you see the picture -- clear picture of what transpired or at least what we have been able to comprehend from reports. Ridley stabbed Tiffany over 50 times. He slit her throat from ear to ear and tried to rearrange her face. After he committed this atrocity. He then hid in a vacant basement flat/apartment. When he was confronted by officers, he tried to resist, but was tasered.

Today, at the court house, Ridley fought officers/marshals before being brought to the courtroom which delayed his case. He was not able to be brought to court. What is he hiding? What is he feeling? Why fight? What is done, is done. Tiffany is already dead. Can you believe that he is facing a 2nd degree murder charge? I mean, he could get out early or something. This is a scary thought. How many more people does he have to murder before he is evaluated, kept in prison, etc.? The system really needs an overhaul.

That's why I am totally proposing a federal/national registry to give women or any individual an option whether they want to get in a relationship with a violent offender or not. We have got to give choices to our society at-large. I know that this may be a problem for offenders getting jobs, etc., but there is a more serious problem. Families, friends and co-workers are loosing their loved ones at an alarming rate due to the violence. We must change this. Join me as I sleep out in Washington, D.C. Join me as I sleep out for the fallen victims of senseless violence.

My heart goes out to Melody Williams tonight who died in a hail of gunfire - an innocent bystander. God bless her family. My condolences. Let's really remember her tomorrow and those who have fallen to violence around the world. To those in Mumbai - my love and concern is with you tonight. Violence transcends borders. Our prayers are with you.

Talk to you soon.

Just a Few Thoughts

2008-12-07T20:44:00.001-05:00

Here I am sitting by myself on a Sunday night just thinking heavily about the next few days. On Tuesday, we are starting the international part of this peace effort. It feels rather odd though. I am humbled by all of the attention that we are getting for this peace effort. There are so many people who feel that violence should end and they are expressing themselves. If I told you I did not feel anything right now, I would be totally lying.

Tonight, I am hurting deeply for my friend Tiffany. My dear sister. She did not deserve to die. She especially did not deserve to die the way she died. I cannot describe to you the way I feel right now because it is so deep. My world on one end has opened up, but on one end it has closed. A chapter of life where friendship and brotherhood and sisterhood were in harmony has ended. I still cannot believe that she has been killed. I know I have to come to grips with it, but it has been difficult. Rather than simply be quiet, I have totally reached out. I am reaching out for my sister, Nicky. I am reaching out for all of Tiffany's family and friends. I am reaching out for so many people who just cannot reach out. The world is hurting and I can feel it. Simple ole me. I can feel it.

So, what exactly do I feel. Well, I do have a sense of calm and peace about me. In the past, I probably would have been so angry at Roderick Ridley for killing Tiffany, but I am not. I am hopeful that he has asked for understanding. I am hopeful that he knows what he has done. I mean, he stabbed her over 50 times. I am not sure if I can appropriately explain that kind of rage. I have seen it before, but not like this. Watching my mother and brother die in front of me was certainly a sight to see, but none like what Tiffany suffered. I wonder, was she alive after those 50 wounds? When did she not feel the pain? What a sad day on earth when this kind of violence occurs.

You see, that's why I am reaching out. My heart is heavy. My heart is heavier than it has been in a long time. I thought that these kinds of feelings would never be felt again. I am in disbelief, but yet so hopeful for mankind. I am hopeful that we gain an understanding for each other that is beyond ourselves. I am hopeful that we raise ourselves up from despair and actually take the time out to love our fellow human being.

I know I may be rambling on and on, but I just had to say something tonight. I had to open up because loosing a sister and dear friend is hard. It is difficult. I have immersed myself in trying to cope with it in the most positive manner. With the kind of help that this effort has received I am more than hopeful about the outcome, the result. Now, I am not fooling myself here. There may never be the kind of outcome that we hope for, but there is something about affecting just one life that keeps me going. That one life could be another Tiffany. That one life could be another Jacqueline Kellibrew or Anthony Cephas (my mother and brother). Just think. If my mother did not die, I probably would not be here in this peace movement. I have begun to accept my purpose on earth. There is a reason that I am doing what I am doing. There is no better way to describe it to me. There is no rhyme or reason to it. I just feel the need to reach out far across the oceans and ask for somebody to please help me. I am asking somebody to help somebody because somebody is hurting.

If you are out there tonight and you feel lonely, in despair, hurting deeper than you ever have...please hold on. Hold on to what is life. Hold on to what is breath. There is a larger purpose for you on this earth and it is not always revealed, but seeking it can really help. Think of something positive in your life and hold on to it. Something has made you feel good about yourself. Something has helped you to see the strength in struggle. Believe me. I have felt like I have wanted to die before. I wanted to take my own life as a teenager and in my early twenties. My self-esteem was so bad that I just did not care about life. It took so much to dig out of that hole. There were times when I was in bed for three days at a time. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I could not do anything. I was hurting.

Today, I can sit here and type this message because this is bigger than me. Saving someone else's life is more important than anything right now. Being able to influece someone to feel better about themselves is more important to me right now. It is more important than any degree I could receive right now. It is more important than any amount of money. We have to treat each other better than this. We have to be our brother and sister's keeper. We have to care so much about someone that we can simply help them up when they have fallen.

Let's go about the next few days really considering how we move about earth. Let's affect someone positively. I cannot stress that enough tonight. Some person's soul tonight has been pierced in a negative way. Let's do everything in our power to hold on to the peace in us and then let it out by touching someone else.

Thank you so much for reading if you made it this far. Thank you so much for caring if you made this far. Leave a comment if you want. I do read them. I actually read every last one of them no matter what. I like dialogue.

God bless you tonight. If you do not believe in God, then that's okay. May all of the positive forces lead you and guide you in your deepest and darkest hour. No matter what your belief, just know that someone out there cares for you and your well-being. I love you guys. That means every human on earth. I simply love you.

The Peace Effort in Europe

2008-12-07T04:25:00.000-05:00

I am so elated to know that my fellow colleagues/students in Sunderland, England and my family and friends in Scotland will be sleeping out for the cause. We have had considerable interest and excitement surrounding the issue of violence, especially domestic violence. This issue has gripped not only our nation, but the world.

I was reading the number of American tragedies in Iraq and the numbers are over 4000 for troops that we have lost since the war started in 2003. This violence is the kind of violence that comes into our homes and affects our families. Our soldiers are seeing some horrible things and have to bring those memories back home. For instance, my cousin Jason, died in Tikrit a couple of years ago. He was under 21 when he was blown up by a road side bomb. The military would not allow the casket to be opened during his service. The effect that this has had on our family is nothing short of devastating. We must do something differently if we expect a different result. War is not the answer. We are not defending ourselves. We are perpetuating the violence that we say we want to end. We are igniting and fueling others' agendas of violence. We must lead by example as a country with so much power. The world is watching and listening.

During our first sleep out, a young woman brought her children down to give us some chairs, soup, juices and granola bars. She did not even know who we were. That really makes me feel good about what we are doing. She took a proactive step in perpetuating peace. We need to follow this woman's footsteps. She is teaching her children the right things. Her husband is also in Iraq. While one family member is fighting to defend our freedom at home and abroad, one is spreading the message that peace is the alternative. Let's bring our troops home so that they can join the peace mission without having to be in the kind of danger they are in. I wish a happy and safe return home for all troops, including those from other countries.

As we move forward with our international peace movement, let's remember those who have fallen due to violence. Let's support those who suffer and survive today. They live to tell their stories and some have not opened up to tell their stories. Let's be strong in order to pass that strength along to them.

Good luck Sunderland and Scotland. My heart is with you and my prayers are with you. I really appreciate what you are doing and I know I could not be more thankful and my family and friends are thankful as well.

Til next time.

My First Conversation - Focus

2008-12-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

Welcome. This is my first time blogging here and I feel this sense of accomplishment. I have blogged before, but never had my own spot. Well, here goes everything.

My name is William Kellibrew IV and I am a native Washingtonian. I live in D.C. and my family is primarily from D.C. Soon, you will be able to link to my webpage and learn more about me, but for now, you may either Yahoo! Search me or Google my name. There is definitely a lot to learn, but be careful. It is not all pretty, lol.

My first conversation tonight deals with focus. I am guilty of not being able to focus enough on the things that I need to get done. So, how do we focus? Why is it important?

Anecdote:

Tonight, I was speaking on the phone with a good friend. She mentioned that I was all over the place. She mentioned that I had many talents, but encouraged me to tell her what I really wanted to do. Of course, I was not surprised that she inserted this evaluation into my head. That's fine. I know I am not really focused at least all of the time. But, it finally clicked. I thought. This goes back to my idea about turning passion into profit. I had to ask myself quickly, what was my passion? What is my priority? So, we ironed it out and came up with a solution. Get focused. That is the only way I am going to maximise my potential. But, the big question remains. How do we focus? What makes focusing so important?

Response:

Well, taking it from someone who can loose track of space quickly, I recommend focusing when you are in the maximum time frame for focusing. If your mind works better in the morning, then get your priorities mapped out in the moving and important things tackled. If you work late at night, ensure that you have daytime naps. Avoid distractions and get back on task. Focusing on what you really want to do or simply focusing to accomplish a task is important in being efficient, if not effective. People will view your work ethic in a positive light. They will see your productive energy flow and be impressed. A lot of us are hooked on money, but do not stop to think that if we simply love what we do, then the rest will eventually come. But, do not wait on it. Continue to strengthen your focus and your focus will help you to massage your passion into profit. Focus and you will achieve.

Announcements:

Do not forget that the Victims and Survivors for Peace Sleep Outs are continuing this Tuesday with a sleep out in front of the Superior Court of the District of Columbia, 500 Indiana Avenue, N.W., Washington, D.C.

Thank you for reading today.

Cheers!